Ouch.

So I was realizing today that my days this week are getting progressively worse. Monday's activities were laundry and taking the kids shopping for Easter clothes. Kinda fun. Tuesday Connor woke up at 5 a.m. having wet the bed, so I had to wash all of his bedding and then I spent a good two hours cleaning out the really disgustingly filthy refrigerator. I hate that task. Today Connor woke up at 3:30 a.m., then conked out again at 7 on the one day that we had to be out the door in the morning. When we arrived at Mom and Dad's house, Connor had the world's biggest poop that took most of my wipes to clean up and then I had to wash his pants and socks since I hadn't brought extra clothes. I went from that fun to the dentist, where I spent an hour and a half being beaten up. Now I feel like someone ripped off my cheek and pounded on my teeth and jaw for a while, which isn't far from the truth.

None of that has anything to do with losing weight, except insofar as I haven't really eaten much today. But dinner was homemade chicken soup (question: I've been trying to replicate Dad's homemade soup for YEARS and have never gotten close; why did it never occur to me until yesterday to look in the damn family cookbook for the recipe? Worked perfectly the first time. I'm an idiot.) and homemade dill bread, so I did overeat on both of those. Yum.

Exercise today was supposed to be another bout of home cardio silliness, but that didn't happen. Right after dinner Connor wanted to go for a walk and we ended up out for two hours doing the Catonsville tour--down to the library, then stops at Bill's Music, the playground, the 7-11 and our neighbor's swingset on the way home. It was a two mile walk at a snail's pace. I'll probably do my back exercises after I get the kids in bed. My back has been killing me since the jump roping I did on Monday.

Is everyone waiting for someone else to post?

Because I really don't have much to post about today. I went to the gym yesterday and did 40 minutes on the elliptical, and then when I got home I tried using my pushup pro handles to do pushups, which I haven't really done since December, when my hands started going numb so consistently that I couldn't get above 50 or so pushups. The idea was that by using the handles I could keep my wrists straight without killing my knuckles (they recommend knuckle pushups for people who have the numbness thing, but they're worse than the numbing). I still find it completely awkward. And this morning I woke up and my right shoulder blade was sore again. I injured it a month or so ago by overdoing arms one week (I did arms one day, intending to take the next day off, but then I wound up doing Walk Away the Pounds, which includes a lot of arms, and as if that wasn't enough, when I got to step class the next day she made it an arms-heavy class instead of doing the usual legwork. Argh!) and it now gets sore very readily. It hurt again last week just from doing crunches. I think I'm going to have to take a month or two off from using those muscles significantly, and I'll have to find other ways to do abs that don't risk me straining that muscle by the curl. (I can't even think how bad my form must have been.) And that means no pushups for a while, either.

Today it was so nice that Daniel volunteered to host the kids so I could run outside instead of going to the gym. I ran a lovely 5k route on campus in 30 minutes. I may not be making significant progress yet, but I am at least recovering some of my old fitness. I'm getting used to the walk/run deal and learning to like it. I think I'm starting to win Daniel over on the walk/run thing, too, and he's even contemplating training for the marathon with me!

Yikes!!

I've registered for the marathon! No turning back now!

Body fat

Last night I was trying to waste time online and on Livestrong I came across their body fat calculator, which utterly failed to work. So I looked around online and tried a few different ones, including one claiming to be the "Most Accurate" -- though I think that means if you use some of their other techniques than just using measurements. In any case, using waist and hip measurements (and even two different waists, for one) and neck, and weight, my body fat percentage came out to be around 35-36%. EVERY time. This put me well into the "obese" category by these websites. Now, I'm not very good at measuring myself; I get slightly different answers every time. Everything is so squishy and floppy. Except on the neck. The website said the US average for women is 32% -- I find it highly unlikely that I'm above average on this, given that I'm NOT, technically, overweight. So this leads me to conclude that my body is storing the vast majority of my fat at my middle and skewing the body fat results -- not really a comforting thought, since middle fat means heart disease is more likely (do they consider if you've had a baby or not, and how much scar tissue you have on your belly?), but maybe I'm not really mid-30s on body fat. I'm also high on waist-to-hip ratio, or at least marginally high.

I'm sorely tempted to sign up for a body fat analysis at the gym just to get something more accurate. But they don't do immersion and I don't really want someone prodding my wobbly bits. It would be too depressing. And then they'd know. And I'd rather keep my blobbiness to myself (or at least away from strangers). And then they'd tell me to eat more protein and exercise more, which isn't really news. So I there's really no point to getting it done, except mere curiosity, and I hate to waste money on mere curiosity.

My weight was 151 this morning. It leaped up over the course of the week (I did say last week's was a fluke, after all) and hasn't gone down much. I have exercised regularly (only missed Friday and Sunday) and eaten pretty low-calorie (except for Sunday). I have recorded my measurements so I can see if they're going down, anyway.

I'm disappointed that I didn't get under 150 to stay before Easter (I may yet, but this is the last official weigh-in day). But I do think I'm making progress on fitness, and I'm excited about having a goal.

Improvised exercise

Yesterday, today, and tomorrow are going to be the hardest days to get exercise this break. Brian leaves the house at 6:30, is home for about an hour in the late afternoon (when we eat), then gets home around 10:30 at night. I envy people with treadmills or bike trainers at home who can just hop on them to get some exercise. I had to be more creative yesterday.

I decided that I'd jump rope for ten minutes, then do 20 minutes of pilates, then another 10 minutes of jumping rope. Two minutes later I decided that just keeping in motion for ten minutes would be sufficient--that jump roping killed my SI joint! So I ran back and forth and did jumping jacks in the family room until ten minutes were up, then did a five minute walking cool down. At that point, Connor decided to go outside, so I followed him out and ended up doing another 10 minutes out there at a much harder pace--I'd do about a minute and a half of jumping rope (Connor loved that part and kept thrusting the jump rope back at me when I'd put it down), then another minute of stair climbing, then run around the house (which is like an obstacle course with all the junk to jump over and go around), then back to jumping rope. It felt like a really good workout! I followed with 40 minutes of my back strengthening/stretching exercises.

This morning I got up early to do yoga and pilates. Unfortunately, Connor got up even earlier, so he joined me for a few parts of the routine. He figures I'm fair game for pouncing on if I'm already lying on the floor.

I was 147.4 this morning--not bad. I think that's a pound down from last week? I was down to 147 even at the end of last week, but went up over the weekend when I ate too much. I mapped the walking we did in NY and it was about 5 and a half miles, which doesn't sound bad, except that was the ONLY walking I did that day, so it was probably about average. Bookending five miles of walking with eight hours of sitting on a bus means the five miles don't count for much.

No exercise this weekend

And terrible diet as well.

It started Friday with Connor's birthday (cupcake with breakfast), then a retirement party at work (tried to be good and stick with the fruit, but ended up also eating a piece of cake and a danish). Saturday was our day trip to New York, where we ate junk on the bus, had hot dogs for lunch, then ate more junk on the way home (and no dinner--I didn't realize that until I went to bed). The only exercise I got was walking around New York.

And poor Claire! She woke up Saturday morning with a headache. I gave her Advil, but she was complaining so much that I finally said "look, if you feel that bad, maybe we should just stay home." She didn't want to do that, and by the time we got to the Park and Ride, she was much better. That only lasted a couple of hours--she started feeling worse on the bus and by the time we arrived in NY, she had a fever and felt awful. What do you do with a kid in NY when she just wants to go home and get into bed, but the bus doesn't leave for another 7 hours and it's windy and cold? She dragged herself to the AG store (it was only a few blocks, but she really was pushing herself to make it there) where she kind of collapsed on a cafe table and stayed there with her head down for most of an hour. She started to feel a bit better, so we headed up to FAO Schwartz and while we were there she perked up a bit. We had about two hours where she felt well enough to enjoy herself, but then she got really tired and cold again. It WAS chilly, but I have pictures of her bundled up in her winter coat, hood up, gloves on while everyone else in the photo is just wearing a jacket and that's it. I felt awful for her, but didn't know what else to do!

On Sunday, I was hit with the same thing--woke up with a sore throat and fever. Claire and I both spent most of the day in bed. She hadn't even made it out of her clothes when she came home on Saturday--she collapsed in bed and stayed there through about 4:00 on Sunday, only getting up once or twice for a few minutes at a time.

Great way to spend Spring Break, huh? In spite of being sick, Claire says she had a good time in New York.

So now I'm on vacation for a couple of weeks and have to make myself eat well and move more--the temptation is to just sit around and watch movies and eat junk, which is all I've done so far today. At least I'm out of bed, which is more than I can say for Claire!

What do I do?

So I am totally depressed when I look in my closet and see all of the clothes I can't wear (we're talking more than 3/4 of my closet.) I was considering pulling them all out and only leaving what fits right here and now and any items that are close to fitting, which aren't many. But then do I just keep gobs and gobs of clothes that don't fit, or should I get rid of them and then reinvest if/when I am ACTUALLY smaller? Most of these are at least 2 sizes too small--we're talking about the "me" that existed 30 lbs ago. I have so much stuff with tags still on it. How did I get too fat to wear those clothes so quickly that they still have the tag on them?

The other depressing thing is that 80% of the clothes that do actually fit me are very frumpy and fat woman looking. The stuff that doesn't fit is really, really nice and sophisticated. I have given some things away to my friend Amanda; she gained some weight and her fat self is my skinny self, so I hooked her up with a bunch of summer clothes last year that helped her out. I was nowhere near being able to fit into it, and it meant it was getting worn since I was (and am) so far away from it.

What would you do?

"Long" run, week 1

Two days a week I'm supposed to run 30 minutes, whatever distance that might be. I counted some of my regular gym time as the first run this week, and then I did a treadmill run for the next 30 minute run. Then on weekends I'm supposed to go on a long run -- this week it's only 3 miles, but it will go up fairly quickly -- next week 4, then 5, then a week with a time trial (so only 2.5), then 6, and after that it alternates longer and shorter until they get VERY long. Each longer run adds a mile, then a mile and a half, then two towards the end. (Following all this? Don't worry; I just put it on a calendar and will do what the calendar tells me.) The big numbers look kind of scary now. Anything beyond 5 looks a little scary, actually.

Anyway, I did the run/walk routine on today's 3 mile run, and I found I really liked it for a road run. On the treadmill it was unnatural, because I'm already forced into a particular pace by the machine, and changing the pace is meant to be a gradual process, not a quick recovery/acceleration. My first walk came only 3 minutes into it -- long enough to be bored but too short to be settled into a pace. So that left me eager to get running again. All the other walks felt just right -- I had been running long enough that my heart rate was up and I was getting a little tired, but I never felt exhausted. I was amazed to discover during the third mile that my pace had spiked up to over 9 mph on a flat stretch! I'm still not convinced that wasn't a quirk of the GPS, especially since I didn't feel very fast, but I covered the whole 3 miles at an average of 6 mph, including the walks -- which means my runs were a bit faster than usual and my walks not as slow as they felt. Normally I finish 3 miles in about 30 minutes when I've been jogging the whole way.

I don't mean to bore you all with numbers and my pathetic running statistics -- I promise not to do this every week! I just hope I can keep feeling this enthusiastic when I'm having to go out and run 12 or 14 miles and I've already been at it for three months.

Follow-up

That post below is from yesterday. I never finished it and so just saved it as a draft. I decided to just post it the way it was...

Anyway... Night two of C-PAP went much better. I did wake up several times during the night, but didn't remove the mask. I switched the humidifer to NOT heated humidity - and think that helped a lot. I definitely had more moisture on my face when I took off the mask, but I found it much easier to breathe while it was on and I did not wake up feeling overly hot and like I was being smothered. I kept the mask on until 5am this time - which I think is good progress. I can't tell if I feel better today than I normally would. I definitely felt that buzzy, hungover feeling in the shower today - but it has gone away.

Katie has been on a fish cooking kick, which has been great for me! First we had a salmon with an Asian sort of glaze and peas. She served it with whole wheat pasta. Then we had grilled Mahi on a bed of sauteed spinach and navy beans with pine nuts. I can't remember what we did on Wednesday... Then last night she did small (not bay but about that size) scallops sauteed with strawberry salsa served with angle hair pasta with garlic and olive oil. YUMMY! We are having salmon again tonight - Miso salmon hopefully - with mashed potatoes.

Emily is try to bully me into training to run and I may take her up on that. I so badly would love to be able to run. I just can't make my body work that way. I never could. Even as a young child if I ran my teeth would hurt - and I mean hurt to the point of making me drool. I don't know why that happens. Anyway - I am going to work on it...

C-PAP

I was fitted for my C-PAP machine yesterday. I talked to the man who was showing me what to do and then the woman who was training to be a... I don't know what exactly he was... for a long time about my concerns. The guy told me that it takes a while to adjust to using the machine - some people days, others weeks - he did say that it would probably be no more than four weeks. He said that they both are using the machine and the girl said that it changed her life. She said I will be amazed at how much better I feel. The thing is that I don't feel BAD now... I told them that I am a side sleeper and I sleep with tons of blankets and pillows. They both do too. They were telling me what they personally do to make it more comfortable. I told them that when I did the sleep study the next day I felt like I was hungover. The girl (I really can't remember her name... Lou, maybe?) said that she felt "weird" for the first four days of using the machine, and thought hungover was a good description. Then she said that that feeling went away. I do want to give this a good fair shot at working - which I guess is about a month. Sigh.


So, last night I dutifully put my machine together, cleaned off my bedside table to make room for it, and got myself all geared up and went to bed. OK - It wasn't THAT uncomfortable. I was able to settle into my pillows and move back and forth from side to side. HOWEVER, and you can all try this at home, put your hand over your nose and breathe. Now, imagine that you are doing this in a stiff breeze, where you can't quite catch your breath. THAT is what it feels like. I feel like I can't get enough air. You can't open your mouth to breathe, because that cuts off ALL airflow. I forced myself to relax, and I managed to fall asleep - but two hours later I woke up (as I tend to do) I was overly hot. I had an extremely dry mouth (which they warned me may happen) and I couldn't take a drink of water because THAT uses your mouth!!

Beginning training

I'm still not sure I want to do this, but I don't have time to dither about it, so I'm at least getting started on the program. Yesterday I ran (with walking breaks, as per Galloway's instructions) on the treadmill for 30 minutes, about 3 miles, as I posted in my comments. (I'm counting that as the Thursday run, and then I'll go for a 4-mile run this weekend sometime -- Sunday is more likely than Saturday, but Saturday would be ideal.) I also jogged up and down the block a couple of times later on, because I wanted to get my step count over 10,000 for the day. By the end of the day my left shoulder blade was mad at me. This morning I woke up and the right had taken over for the left, for some reason. I'm not sure if it's from the running or from the crunches I did after the treadmill run; I've been slacking off on those, so this was the first time I'd done 100 in a long while, and I wonder if I was using my shoulders too much and my abs not enough. It's better tonight, after some ibuprofen and step class, which forces me to use my arms and loosen things up a bit.

I did step class today entirely for my shoulder blades' sake. I was SO not enthused about it. And my legs were tired from the running -- for all that I think a tough elliptical workout is equivalent to a 5k, it doesn't have the same impact on my legs. The class had the effect I'd hoped for, but since the woman who normally stands in front of me was missing, I was forced to see myself in the mirror the whole class, so the overall effect was worse than usual! I realized that EVERY other woman in the room (most of them 20-something, but there was one who was 50-something) was flat-chested and skinny and wearing a fitted shirt, and there I was bouncing inside my loose T-shirt (it's even one I usually like and think flatters me -- ha!) and looking about 50 pounds overweight. Sigh. Here I'd been feeling good because I was under 150 and not sick today. Even if I lost 30 pounds I would still bounce and wouldn't look like these other people. It's very disheartening.

High school athletes

I think these kids exist to remind me that I'm 41 and well past my prime.

It's bad enough on the treadmills at the gym where I can see that the college kid in front of me is going 8 miles per hour, but today I went outside for a run (jog/walk/trudge) and ran smack into some high school team out for a run. They were coming down a road one way, I was coming up the other and we were all turning and going the same direction on another road. I met up with them at the front of the bunch--there were two kids out in front by a long distance, then a big gap, then a few more, then a smaller gap, then a huge group bringing up the rear. They were the ones who felt more like socializing than working. I joined up in the big gap at the start, so I was pretty much on my own and could see the fast ones in front of me. So what did I do? Tried to keep pace with them, of course! They are more than half my age, they are boys, and I'm betting none of them have SI joint injuries.

I actually managed it for a couple of minutes--they weren't getting any further ahead. I didn't know what the group behind me was doing (I wasn't about to turn around and look) but I imagined they were about the same distance behind. I was wrong. We hit the start of a hill and I looked at my heart rate monitor and saw that my heart rate was up to 191 bpm--about 25 bpm more than it really should be, so I immediately slowed to a walk, and almost as immediately the rest of the group caught up and passed me. The whole team was out of sight within 30 seconds.

OTOH, I probably have them to thank for my increased speed today. I did the same route as last week but did it a minute faster than before. If I can keep that up, I'll be in great shape for the August triathlon!

So I'm thinking of training for a marathon

I need a big goal. I am so unenthused about exercise and diet. I went looking online for new athletic shoes last night (and concluded I really need to talk to the shoe store, because I haven't been happy with my latest round of New Balance, which is what I've been using for about 12-14 years now -- Mom hasn't liked hers, either, so they've changed something) and got sidetracked on the NB site looking at their running training plans. I found I was somewhere way beyond "beginner" but nowhere near "intermediate", so they've got some huge gaps in their plans. This then motivated me to visit Jeff Galloway's site, and I don't know what it is about that guy, but every time I read his articles or his books, I find myself thinking, Hey! This is easy! I could totally do this! And somewhere last night I went from thinking I'd like to have a comfortable 5k and 10k to thinking I should aim for a marathon.

The training plan is 30 weeks and there's a marathon in Baltimore in October, which is pretty much perfect. (The only marathons local to southwest Virginia are in the spring, as far as I can tell.) I'd need to commit pretty soon, though, because there's a good chance the race will fill up. I'd hate to get 20 weeks into this and think, wow, looks like I might actually get there, only to find out that my goal race was inaccessible.

Am I crazy for considering this?

Catching Up

Monday and Tuesday haven't been so great. I've been sticking to my meal plan but haven't had much luck on the exercise front. Monday night fell apart and I ended up doing housework instead of going to the gym. Yesterday my lunchtime walk didn't happen because I wasn't at work. So I plan to make up for the walk yesterday by going today, plus the weather seems to be better for being outside today. Yesterday was still sort of drizzly at times.

Other than that, nothing exciting to report on any front here. I think I may have found a dog sitting service for when we go away. I am sure you are all relieved to know that :-) Oooo--and next week is spring break so I don't have class! I am looking forward to that.

150.5

That was a bit of a gift from the scale this morning, so I didn't weigh myself again after my shower because I didn't want to know if it went up. I've seen about a 4-pound range this past week, and this was the low end of it. I was very energetic and did lots of exercise and eating well last week, but once the weekend hit I went off my diet and my exercise, so I didn't deserve a lower number, but I'm not going to complain. It makes it easier to get back on track this week.

I haven't posted in a few days because there's been so little to say -- I count calories most days, I exercise when I have a gym appointment, blah, blah, blah. But I'm still here and reading, which means at least I feel guilty when I go off track!

148.4 or maybe 148.6, or 150.2 if you turn the scale 90 degrees.

Seriously. I got up, weighed myself and got the 148.4 weight (yay! A pound and a half down from last week!), then did yoga, then weighed myself again with the scale in a different spot and got the 150.2 weight, didn't believe that, so turned it back to where it had been and got 148.6. So apparently yoga makes me gain weight and pilates makes me lose weight (based on what happened last week when I weighed in before and after pilates in the morning) and the floor in my bathroom makes my weight go all over the place.

My cold seems a bit better this morning--my throat isn't nearly so sore, but I'm all lightheaded and dizzy. I'm blaming that on Connor, though, who got up at 4:30 this morning. Being sleepy makes me lightheaded. It's free pastry day at Starbucks, and I'm seriously tempted. I was going to get a coffee anyway, and who can pass up a free pastry? And I can get a non-sweet one so I wouldn't be breaking my Lenten promise, right? Someone stop me before I cave in.

I ended up on the elliptical machine at the gym yesterday, just to see what would happen to my back. In the fall, the elliptical was the most painful machine for me, but I was having a "good back" day yesterday (I was in serious pain after the stream clean up, but I diligently did my stretching and had Brian try to pound the bone back in place, and I woke up pain free! Well, mostly. I'm never entirely pain free, but this was pretty close) and wanted to see if it would stay that way. It did! I had to adjust my posture a bit and make sure to stay very upright (no cheating by leaning into the hand supports) but I didn't hurt any more afterwards than before, so there's a bit of progress.

Chronic Allergies?

Wow! What is up with all of this sickness???? I seem to be getting my sicknesses in much smaller doses than the rest of you - however, they do seem to be lingering. I still have this darn chronic queasiness. I have NO idea what is causing it - but it makes all food seem unappealing. So I have been eating like crap - which is to say, not much at all, and not the right things. I have been craving the "soft" proteins - like eggs and beans. I went to make beans and rice on Saturday night, but had none - so I ate nothing for dinner. I had already had eggs for lunch that day so didn't want to repeat them for dinner, and NOTHING else seemed appealing. However, the weirdest thing I have been experiencing is that everytime I eat anything (nuts, marshmallows, fruit, bread, cheese, anything!) I get that weird sensation that happens when you have eaten a food that you are mildly allergic to. You know - that rawness in your mouth and a sore throat that makes it hard to swallow. Eggs seem to be the only thing not affecting me that way.

I also have had this weird buzzing sensation - like caffeine jitters - for a while now. I thought it was because of the sleep study last weekend. I thought it was just that I didn't get a good night sleep that night, but it is still going on. Maybe it is because I have been pretty good about going to bed at 10:30-ish. Maybe that really is messing up my sleep cycles and so it is not helping, but actually hurting. Instead of getting more sleep I am now waking up mid sleep cycle and so WOULD be better rested if I would only sleep to the end of my cycle... but I don't know how long that is. Maybe I should try to go to bed by 10pm instead of 10:30 and see if that helps. The only problem with THAT plan is that I am barely making it to bed by 10:30!! Sigh.

Sarah's bad exercise week because of sickness would be a really GOOD week by my standards! I did get in two walks in addition to my normal yoga last week - so that IS progress, pathetic as it is. I have no memory of what I did on Saturday. I don't think it was much - and it didn't involve exercise. Katie and I talked about going out to one of the state parks for hiking or canoing - but it was a hypothetical conversation like "Wow! wouldn't today be a beautiful day to go out to one of the state parks for hiking or canoeing..." Sunday was the Handspun Yarn Party down at Savage Mills. We went early so we could be one of the first in (we were the first in) but that involved just standing in (the front of the) line knitting for two hours and then shopping like mad for another hour. There was a small gap of time between getting home and leaving for church, but I spent it photographing my yarn stash to post on Ravelry.

The obese woman who wants to weight 1000 pounds offends my sensibilties. One of the interviews I saw with her had her saying "It was such a struggle for me to be thin (or lose weight) that it must not be natural. So I stopped fighting it." Yeah... Right. It is hard to lose weight, I know that as well as ANY fat person who can't lose weight. But the idea of not fighting AT ALL, and in fact becoming a camp follower to the other army instead, is an affront to those of us who ARE fat and DON'T want to be. I know if I went on The Biggest Loser I probably WOULD lose weight. If I pushed myself a LOT harder than I actually do I am SURE I would lose weight. I know that I don't shed pounds as easily as many - and I know that the heavier I get the harder it gets - but I would NEVER consume 12000 calories a day ON PURPOSE! My favorite part was when she said that her grandmother who weighed 120 pounds was diabetic, and her brother who weighs 200 pounds is diabetic so if she becomes diabetic would it be because she is fat or because it runs in her family. Does she not realize that being diabetic would be the LEAST of her problems. She needs to worry about blood clots and heart attacks. I did like the one doctor who said that "I don't think she really knows what 1000 pounds feels like." She seems really well adjusted emotionally, but she doesn't seem to have a good grip on reality!

Upper respiratory death?

I think I might have caught the upper respiratory death that Julie has. It hardly seems fair--I don't get sick very often at all, and when I do, it's a mild cold. But last week I had the stomach virus mid-week for a day and a half, and then on Friday I caught this awful cold. I can't remember when I was last this congested or had such a sore throat!

I'm curious to see what my weight will be tomorrow. With my illnesses and activities this weekend I haven't been very consistent with my diet or exercise. I only went for one run last week before getting sick. I did yoga one day and my back exercises once or twice, but that was it. I spent nearly five hours trudging around a stream yesterday pulling out trash, which made my muscles sore (mostly from dragging buckets of trash up the embankment) but didn't burn too many calories since it was just a slow walk the whole time. I'm off to the gym again in a few minutes, just as soon as this rain shower passes (brought a rain coat but no umbrella. How's that for planning ahead?). My diet has been similarly spotty--I didn't eat at all for nearly two days, then made up for it on Friday and Saturday. On Sunday I got going too late to have breakfast before church, so I started the day with a quick lunch (since I essentially had to run from church to the stream) of just a sandwich, then got fed a hot dog and tiny piece of cake by the Daisy scouts after the stream clean up. I snarfed some cookies when I got home, but that was it for my food for the day--probably as many calories as most days, but little of it especially healthy.

I need to focus this week on consistent exercise. I'm off of work the next two weeks (Balto Co spring break followed by Howard Co. spring break) so I'll need to be really disciplined to exercise during that time--it'll mean either getting up before the crack of dawn to exercise (Brian is leaving for work at 6:15 these days) or getting myself together to exercise between when he gets home from work and leaves for school (3:45 - 5:15). It can be done. I just won't like doing it!

Blogger hates me

Some days I can read the blog, other days I can't. Some days I can post, other days I can't. It took me 4 tries today to get the blog to come up with the "New Post" link. I've tested different browsers, different computers, different internet connections...no idea what's up.

But anyways, this weekend was beautiful! We worked in the backyard all weekend and we are officially ready to plant our garden. I can't wait. I am going to set the cold weather plants as soon as the rain stops. We also started the process of killing the grass over at out friend's house for the bigger garden we are putting in there. I am really looking forward to this experiment; I grew up with a huge garden, but this will be my first undertaking of this size on my own.

I am still fighting this upper respiratory death; the cough just won't go away. I've consumed almost two boxes of Mucinex over the past two weeks. I just know if I go to the doctor I'll end up with 3 weeks worth of antibiotics. I think I'd rather cough...

Food wasn't too great this weekend, but I was really active so it did balance out. I can't actually remember what we ate each day; I know one night we had Chick Fil A for dinner, and bagels from the Jewish place in Pikesville for breakfast and lunch yesterday.

Well, I am looking forward to another week. I also added into my grand meal plan that two of my lunches this week will be soup; less calories but still tasty. And the ultimate lazy person's packed lunch. Tonight is supposed to be one of my two planned gym outings for the week, and I hope I maintain my momentum to go. I will check to see if there are any classes that interest me, maybe there is a spinning class. I am a little nervous to take a class given my breathing situation...I always work so hard to keep up even if I am struggling and I'd hate to fall off my bike or something :-) Maybe it is best if I stick to the elliptical or the bike on my own for now...haha.

Chipper

(And not as in chicken.) I have had TONS of energy the last two days, and I'm not sure why. I got two long nights of sleep earlier this week, but then on the third night (the night before last) I went to bed and stared at the ceiling for the better part of two hours, so in the end I had a short night. I should have dragged all day yesterday. But the weather was gorgeous, and I went to the gym (I left it too late to cancel -- I would have LOVED to spend time outside instead -- but I got a better workout anyway) and felt totally turbo-charged during the step class. Even before the gym trip I was motivated; I did some cleanup in the yard and put the sleds and Christmas tree stand away and took down the baby swing and hung up the trapeze bar (the only reason we left the baby swing up until now was that before we moved to Norway our neighbors had a baby, and we thought they'd want it, and then last fall there was too much else to do to worry about it). And I vacuumed and swept and mopped. And when I got home I cooked salmon on the grill and it was perfect. I am superwoman.

Today it is again gorgeous and I am again motivated. I've cleaned out the whole corner cabinet that I've been avoiding all year -- moth bits kept showing up in containers and I knew I needed to scour it in case they were wintering over there. Now I'm taking the kids out to look for Easter clothes and more birdfeeders -- we've had such a good turnout at our all-purpose feeder that we're wanting to get a hummingbird feeder for the summer and we'd like a finch feeder to encourage the purple finches we saw yesterday to come back. Which means more playing outside when we come back with the feeders. Yay! I'm tempted to buy paint while I'm out since I'm so enthused -- I wonder how many rooms I could get done before I burn out? We'd like to put the house on the market (someday...?) and three downstairs rooms and the upstairs/stairs hallway will need doing first, and we might as well enjoy them being done for a while first.

This evening I have a Girl Scout sleepover (at the other leader's house), on the heels of piano lessons for the kids, so from 3:45 on my day is shot. And tomorrow Mary has a piano lesson right after the sleepover, so I can't start tomorrow until after lunchtime. But the weather's supposed to be good again -- maybe that will keep me going.

My eating has been pretty good this week -- I went over on calories on Wednesday (the Murphy's and the Irish soda bread are to blame) but had trouble even getting to my minimum yesterday, so it evens out. My weight dropped again by Wednesday, too; I was just retaining PMS water on Tuesday, I suspect.

Sparks People

Last night I did a search for menu planning tools. My favorite healthy menu planner - glucerna.com has changed their tool so you no longer can edit the menus. The original tool was adopted by another website, but I can't remember who that was, and I really didn't feel like digging through my emails. So I searched for a new menu planning tool. I found several that were blank that YOU could fill in with your menu plans - but I was looking for one that would tell ME what to eat. I ended up on SparksPeople.com. This, I know, is the rival tool to My Plate. It is a whole community, and it is free. It tracks your food and exercise, just like My Plate (although, I think My Plate is better for tracking what you have eaten or the exercise you have done - more precise, I guess) but Sparks People has a GREAT menu planning tool. I am still figuring it out. I haven't figured out a great way to plan menus for farther in advance than one week, but (as Katie said) it doesn't matter what the header says, we can use the days whenever we want.

I know I don't need to do menu planning in conjunction with Katie - but it sure makes it easier. She says it is too much work. It is nice having a kit packed for the day, but she doesn't want to spend an hour every day doing it. I said - however - that we got much faster at packing our lunches each night as long as we had a plan in place. She said it is a lot easier to just pull out a Let's Dish meal and prepare that. I said that we can still DO that, we just need to eat sides along with our entrees. 15 minutes later she said that she was having a "fat year." I said I am having a "fat decade." She has gained weight (says the pot about the kettle, I know) in the past year or so. I notice it most when she is up in front of the church cantoring. SHE needs to put more effort into this than I do because she is not yet a lost cause!

Well, I am off to take a walk. I hope Grace doesn't mind me leaving her alone for a little while.

Four pounds lighter

Gotta love stomach viruses, huh? I mentioned on Wednesday that I wasn't feeling great. By 2 in the afternoon it turned into a full-fledged stomach virus (mortifying--it hit about five minutes before a meeting I was supposed to have, so at the start of the meeting I was huddled on the floor in the bathroom. I dragged myself out to meet this woman and just tell her I'd call her later. Amazing how people stay far away and agree with anything you say when you look that sick!). I spent all Wednesday not eating, then moved up to soup by yesterday noonish, and a tiny real meal last night. Pretty awful.

Of course I got no real exercise in that time--nothing at all on Wednesday. Yesterday I watched through the pose guide of a yoga video I got, but didn't do anything other than watch. I did my back stretching and strengthening last night. Today I'm back to the usual schedule--up at 5:30 and actually DID the yoga (very relaxing, good stretching, but really TOO relaxing to be really exercise--this was a video for raw beginners, though, and was also really short. It was supposed to be an "energizing" routine, but by the end I was ready to go back to bed!). I have to leave early today to get Connor from the bus, so I won't get to the gym, but I should be able to get out for a run or ride tonight.

Have any of you seen in the news the woman who is in the Guinness Book of World Records for being the fattest mother, and now wants to go all out and get up to 1,000 pounds to make it into the book as the fattest woman? She seems to be very happy with herself, and thinks this is a good decision (although later she said the interviewers got it wrong--the 1,000 pound thing is just a fantasy she puts out there for her "fans." She earns her income by running a website where people pay to watch her eat). When I first saw this I thought it must be a hoax, but apparently not. And I can't figure out who is sicker--the woman who wants to be even fatter than she already is, or the people who pay to watch her eat.

Like a true Irishman

Well, I guess I did celebrate like a true Irishman - I went to church and had nothing green to drink...

It was kind of funny - I was dressing for the day, I put on a pink shirt, yoga pants and picked out my shamrock socks to wear and thought "who cares if these don't match my pink shirt..." Then I realized I was wearing PINK instead of green. So I changed.

Wednesday is my maintenance day. Have I said this before? I think it is funny. My day is always jam packed. I start with church, go straight to yoga from there, come home for a quick lunch and then usually go to acupuncture, the dentist, the eye doctor, or chiropractor. Recently I have had a string of X-rays, MRIs, Sonograms, etc. Everyone talks about my "day off" but really it is about an hour off extra in the morning... 8-) I like it though.

Yesterday I had a really good acupuncture appointment. I have had this chronic queasy feeling for a while now. I am not sure what it was that she did yesterday, but I felt the needles the whole time (usually you feel when she places them, but not for long afterwards). Then when she came in to take them out she said that they weren't releasing so she would leave them a little longer. She had placed four needles on my belly, and I was having an issue relaxing since I was feeling queasy still. BUT she also had two in the bottom of my feet so I was mildly worried that if I DID need to leap up and make a dash for the bathroom that I would hurt myself on those foot needles (which BTW REALLY hurt going in!). However, by the end of the treatment the queasiness had totally gone away - and hasn't come back yet. YAY!

I was supposed to have EM training at church last night. I called the parish office to confirm the date and time (since I couldn't find my letter). They told me that it was at 7pm. So I dutifully showed up at about 6:45 - JUST IN TIME for the Q&A wrap up. I was so embarrassed! However, I wasn't the only one. About five other people came in after me. I wish I had apologized to Father last night because I totally COULD have been there at 6pm had I been given the correct info. Sigh.

THE plan, day 2

I stuck to my plan pretty well yesterday, but not perfectly. We ate breakfast at home, and I knew Peter wanted to go to Slainte for lunch since it was St. Patrick's Day, so we did. So that checks off my one lunch out this week. Then for dinner, I was feeling lazy, but we still cooked at home. The major deviation from the plan came with exercise--we ran some errands after work that I hadn't been planning to do, so we got home later than I wanted. Instead of going to the gym, I did the Wii Fitness Coach instead. So I did exercise, it just wasn't my original "outside the house" planned exercise. And my arms are killing me today. Wii's upper body workout is really a workout.

Today is my last day of work this week. Woohoo! The School of Pharmacy is closed tomorrow because of a floating holiday we banked I think for Lincoln's or Washington's birthday. I was going to just work and save it for another time, however the weather is supposed to be fabulous so Peter is taking off too and we are going to get a jump start on our yard work. Our backyard (or back garden, as Peter would say) is a TOTAL disaster. But hopefully not after tomorrow. Thank goodness it is so small. I am soo glad we didn't buy more grass to take care of. I am really looking forward to spending the day outside tomorrow, even if it is to do back breaking labor.

My turn!

To be sick, that is. I woke up this morning with a headache and horrible stomach cramps. Nothing else--just painful cramping and no desire to eat anything. I need to drink something, but every time I take a sip the cramping gets worse. I have no idea what's going on, but it's no fun at all. And if I don't start feeling better soon, it'll mess up my exercise plans for the day--yesterday I went out for a run and it was so beautiful out that I actually enjoyed the run, except for the fact that I wasn't dressed for it. I had packed my gym bag to work out indoors on Monday when it was rainy, so I had floppy gym pants instead of running tights or shorts, and an oversized cotton t-shirt (which I don't like to work out in at all, but I really needed to do laundry and didn't have anything else to pack!), and worst of all, I forgot to pack socks. So I was sweaty (shirt), static-y (pants) and got blisters. But it was still a nice run.

I had planned on a repeat this afternoon, only with better clothes and better weather. But right now I just want to curl up in a ball and moan a bit.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Now celebrate like a true Irishman and go to church. Peter always laughs at the fact St. Patty's is associated with drinking here. His pioneer granny would not approve!

So day 1 of my grand super duper master plan scheme worked out well. I trekked across the city at lunch time, and it worked out mostly like I thought it would. I need to try another route across to the harbor; I took Fayette yesterday and it is way too ghetto for me. (Keep in mind--this is Fayette west of Charles.) It's no fun trying to weave your way through a group of drug addicts at varying levels of highness just to get across the street. I'm going to try Baltimore St tomorrow. I also brought in a pair of sneakers to keep at work. Given my crippled feet I can't afford to have them hurting after a lunch time walk.

My food plan worked out well too. We had a let's dish dinner, and I went to the grocery store and stocked up on decent snacks, etc. I packaged veggies and nuts into the right portions so all I have to do is grab them in the morning.

Today was going to be our lunch out day and Peter wanted to go to Slainte, but now I am not sure if it is going to work out like that. Hopefully. Dinner tonight is going to be another Let's Dish meal. and we had oatmeal for breakfast again.

I am a little worried about getting my scheduled exercise in tonight; I have a ton of grading to do. I think if I go to the gym right when I get home I should be ok.

Three blind mice ....

See how they run. Well those mice are getting more exercise than I am. I just started a new job last week after doing a temp job for about a month. My schedule has been all over the place and I don't have puking children, a pack of mice or a flock of Girl Scouts invading my home.

What's funny is my new job is primarily blogging, I'm trying to keep up my personal blog and remember to stop by here and put in my tarnished cent.

I'm trying to do a couple of things -- bring my lunch to work everyday. That consists of a salad with yogurt and almonds for a snack later in the day. I've just about got that routine back in full swing. It will get easier when the good veggies come back in spring/summer.

Then next is getting in a workout. I've been trying to get myself into a daily routine but it's still sporadic. So I'm working on it.

I've put on some hibernation weight but I also feel like it's *age* weight across the midsection. Regardless I know I need to pick up my exercise because I feel so much better when I'm regularly exercising. I just have to focus and stick with the routine. Yeah, easier said than done but I've done it before.

The warmer weather will certainly help in spurring me to get outside and get some exercise. I've been riding the Metro and doing a lot of walking and running escalators. But it's still not enough.

OK, I've got to go root out a pack of roaming cats in the house ... not sure how they got in yet. heehee

154 -- that's not fair!

So, last week I had a stomach virus, which left me eating maybe 700-800 calories a day -- I was painfully hungry if I ate less, but more nauseated every time I ate anything. My weight went as low as 148 in the middle of the week, but then, inexplicably, it started going back up! I even went to the gym three times during the week (though I just did the bike -- 250ish calories instead of 400ish, and no crunches or pushups, because the one day I did crunches left me feeling much, much worse). Over the weekend I started to feel normal, so for two days I ate freely just for the sheer pleasure of food feeling good again -- but I did NOT eat 7000 calories extra!! I would have been sick all over again -- I can't eat like that, ever. So WHY did my weight go up by two pounds from last Tuesday? Especially when I clearly had 4 pounds of water weight to shed? Sigh.

Today I'm back to counting calories obsessively. (There was no point when I was eating barely a fraction of a serving of anything, and just in dribs and drabs all day.) I have three gym trips planned for this week. I'm thinking that my goal of being under 150 before Easter is looking less and less realistic, though. Back to the daily grind!

Still 149.8

No change from last week, which is a bit frustrating, but I'm happy to hold steady rather than gain. Last week I ended up with three cardio sessions (total time of two hours--last summer I was doing seven hours per week!) and five strengthening/stretching session (including pilates), each about 30 minutes long. I think if the world was fair, we'd all lose a pound every time we exercised for an hour. Shouldn't that be how it works?

And in other news, apparently you catch the stupid mouse on the first night, then the next night the other mice know to avoid the trap. I heard a mouse in our kitchen last night, but there were no new visitors to the trap this morning. I have four more of these traps coming from Amazon today, so I'm going to put them everywhere. I like it that they don't use anything you wouldn't want your kids or pets around so I can put them all over without worrying that Davey's going to get poisoned or Connor is going to get his fingers smashed.

Me again...this is a bit rambling

I was trying to objectively look back over our posts from the past and in doing so, it got me thinking, especially after reading Sarah's post regarding her weekend. I, like Amy, have had a struggle with losing weight, while Sarah & Emily have had definite periods of great success and even though you guys have fluctuated, I still consider your success sustained since you never went higher than you started or even got back to where you started. And I know that it is still a struggle for you both, but overall you are winning. (And I'll give you a blogger-high-five for that!) So this made me think about how I am different from Sarah & Emily, and it has helped me draw some conclusions.

First, in comparison to Emily & Sarah, I lead a very fluid life. I have some set responsibilities (work, school) but aside from that, how I spend my time is totally up to me and me alone. I eat when I want, I sleep when I want, etc. Emily & Sarah have a much more scheduled life, in part because of keeping up with your little people, but I also think you both have the type of personalities that even if you didn't have families to manage, you'd still run your life in a similar manner. It just wouldn't be as hectic as it sometimes ends up being. You are both much more calculated than I am, whereas some days I feel absolutely all over the place. So I first concluded that I lack rigor when it comes to my own schedule because truthfully, there is no consequence if I get off schedule.

Second, I don't take advantage of the opportunity to schedule activities for myself, nor do I feel compelled to squeeze them into certain time frames that might be less than desirable. For instance--I have a lunch hour just like Sarah. What does Sarah do some days: go to the gym. What do I do: Facebook. My "rationale"--I don't like going back to the office icky, nor do I like carrying any extra clothes, etc to clean up. On the other hand, Emily schedules herself gym time ahead of time, rather than fitting it in during the day ad hoc since that doesn't always work as well. I also have the opportunity to schedule time, and guess what, I don't. My "rationale" there...I am too tired, or too this or too that. I have also been known (maybe not on this forum as much) to whine about my busy schedule...but really it is totally manageable.

Third, I struggle with my relationship with food. Sometimes I eat because I am bored, sometimes because I am sad, and those things happen more than because I am hungry. and when I find myself eating for all those other reasons, I am angry with myself, but I do it anyways. Now, I hate that feeling of being hungry, so the chances of me letting that happen on purpose are slim. I have to find a way to re balance this relationship. I used to be good about planning and packing my lunches and dinners ahead of time, and then I got lazy. I place a tiny bit of blame in this category on Peter; he LOVES to eat out. And since it is easier than cooking in, I go along with it A LOT.

My conclusions: first, I need to take advantage of the time I have and be more resourceful and efficient. On Tuesdays and Thursdays when I have class and get home late, I am going to take a walk at lunch. That will make me more like Sarah. Then on Mondays and Wednesdays when I don't have after work responsibilities, I am going to the gym. That will make me more like Emily. That gives me 4 opportunities for exercise within 4 days. Once I "master" this, I also have a plan for the Friday-Sunday time period.

Now, to deal with the food situation, I am imposing a rule on my lifestyle: I can eat one of each meal out per week. So one breakfast, one lunch and one dinner. For all the rest, I am going to go google some spiffy meal planner situation and plan out my week. And I'm going to plan an extra idea of each meal just in case when I get to a certain day I don't feel like whatever I have planned, I can roll over to Plan B before heading out the door for a restaurant. And this is also good timing because eating at home is SO MUCH EASIER for me when I can use my outside grill. I love my grill. And I always grill a huge serving of veggies--any veggie cut up, placed in a foil packet, sprinkled with Mrs. Dash's garlic and basil seasoning and just a teeny drizzle of olive oil. We go through so much squash and onions and mushrooms during grilling season it is crazy.

So I started this today; I got up this morning a few minutes early and made us oatmeal for breakfast. It was really good. And today will be the perfect day to start my lunch time walk. I just have to map out a path that keeps me safe since I work in the 'hood. I think I'll head south towards the hospital, then east towards the harbor. I'm going to set the timer on my phone so I walk 20 minutes out, then turn around for the 20 minutes back. If I keep a decent pace, that should be around 2 miles given that I'll have to wait for crosswalks, etc.

I also packed a lunch today. It is a 300 calorie mini frozen pizza (the cardboard kind) which isn't a great lunch, but it is a packed lunch. But it could be worse--I could go to Potbellies and eat a sandwich for 500 or 600 or more calories. I'm heading to the grocery store after school tonight and I'll get myself in a better position for healthier lunch for the rest of the week.

So there's my rambling, ranting, plan. LOL. Let's see how it pans out. Is it the epiphany I have been looking for? Who knows. Sometimes those seem so overrated and then you've wasted all that time waiting....

Icky sicky sick

I've been MIA because I've been coughing up my lungs for most of the past week. "Up" side--the drugs (pseudoephedrine) caused me to lose 7 lbs since last Tuesday. It's definitely all water weight. I have been eating fairly normally, and drinking insane amounts of any liquid. I am feeling markedly better today, so I look for my weight to creep back to "normal" in the next few days. I haven't been exercising at all; I actually tried to do a 40 minute pilates DVD last Wednesday, but I stopped when the hundreds nearly killed me. I couldn't do the breathing, which I suppose makes total sense given my upper respiratory situation at the time. And holding your breath for the duration of each move seems to defeat the point. I made it about 15 minutes into the DVD, so that is my total activity for the week.

OK - That wasn't so bad

Well, my weight was lower today than I expected. This was after ordering pizza last night - and I didn't even get the thin crust!! So instead of being 40 pounds over my starting weight I am exactly 35 pounds over that point. Ugh.

I couldn't sleep last night at all! I have been shooting to get to bed by 10:30 each night as my Lenten resolution. Last night I was a little bit late. I was in bed by 10:45 and read until about 11:15. Then, I turned off my light, rolled over and COULDN'T sleep! The last I remember checking the clock was at 2:15am. SO frustrating! Remarkably, I don't feel so bad today. I guess four hours is enough for me. I am going to be tired tonight I bet. Anyway, I was dreaming this morning that Williamsburg was flooding. Not dramatically flooding, but the water levels were going up in areas and the interpreters were supposed to be measuring it. I was going around giving the water gauges to people (aparently I worked there...).

I have a weird welt on my cheek where the CPAP mask was resting. This was a spot that was bothering me even at the time, so I wonder if there was a slight crack or someting in the seal that was pinching my skin, or perhaps it stuck their more. Regardless, it is bugging me now.

I just had my reminder pop up telling me to go for a walk, so I think I will do that now...

Did NOT get up at 5:30 this morning

What an insane weekend. 12 loads of laundry (13 if you count the trip Brian made to the laundramat to wash our comforter--Connor's goal on Friday was to destroy as many beds as possible, so he coughed until he threw up on my bed twice and on his bed once. Because he couldn't hit Claire's bed, he instead spent the weekend dismantling the whole bed multiple times), two Girl Scout events, and a crazy amount of house cleaning. I've got a group of scouts coming to my house tonight to work on their Bronze Award and I didn't want them (or their parents) to see what a truly disorganized person I am, so between events and loads of laundry I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned.

I hadn't intended on really cleaning Claire's room, but while putting her box spring back on the frame last night (when I say Connor dismantled the bed, I mean it) I saw the filth under the bed. You know how cleaning tends to escalate? That's what happened at 9:00 last night. I started with under her bed, then branched out the areas around it, then ended up cleaning the whole room. We got rid of a bunch of the toys she no longer plays with so now she has room for a desk, which we've talked about getting her for a while. It looks great in there, but it means I didn't start on the family room until 10:30. When I finished that up at midnight, I went to the kitchen to make lunches. In that process, guess what I found? Mouse droppings on our counter! Bleah!! So then ensued a thorough disinfection of the kitchen and setting a trap for the little bugger. Gross. I finally got to bed at 2:30 and changed the alarm from 5:30 to 6:00. Like that'll make such a huge difference.

But we caught the stupid mouse. I used one of the Mice Cube live traps baited with a piece of Claire's leftover sandwich from Friday that I found in her lunchbox. Poor little critter got all the way in the trap and then decided that he doesn't like soynut butter and jelly sandwiches either. The bait looked untouched and the mouse looked miserable, but I sent him away with Brian for a trip to Linthicum, where I'm told that mice live long and happy lives.

Then while getting Connor into his coat to leave, I spilled his whole bowl of dry cereal all over the family room floor. I left it there for Davey to clean up. Or for the family of now orphaned mice probably living in our walls. They'll have their chance with the Mice Cube tonight.

Speaking of Davey, I must have the stupidest dog in the world. He never let on by his behavior of keen sense of smell that we had mice, and even with the mouse trapped and sitting in my kitchen all night, he never alerted us. But once I moved the mouse in its trap outside onto the porch THEN he saw it out the window and went nuts! He figures anything in our house is o.k. but something (or someone) on the porch is clearly a threat to our well being.

BTW, I realize none of this has anything to do with eating well or with weight loss, except to serve as an overly long explanation for why I didn't exercise this morning. For the record, I had lasagna for dinner last night. It was cheesy and delicious, but certainly not good for my diet. I had yogurt for breakfast to make up for it.

I'm a-sceerd

I was just sitting here thinking that tomorrow I have to weigh myself and I realized that I am afraid to do it. I don't WANT to know how much I have gained over the past several weeks. Especially since these several weeks include being snowed in, going to Reno and then Vegas and - well, that is about it... Sigh. I will do it though. Tomorrow I will weigh myself.

I need to do something. It seems to me that every few weeks I start off with fresh resolve - I will plan healthy menus, I will increase my exercise, I WILL stick with it. THIS time things will be different and I will lose weight. However, I have gotten to the point that I can't get beyond the resolve. I used to actually MAKE changes in my life. I would plan good menus, I would schedule more exercise - and then I would actually DO these things. Eat right, exercise more. However, never did I see the benefits to these changes. Oh sure, for very short bursts I would see a downward trend, but ALWAYS I would plateau at 12 pounds lost and then immediately gain more than 12 back. Even while doggedly sticking to my plans. The most sustained success I ever had was that year or so where I didn't gain weight. I didn't lose weight, but I wasn't gaining. That ended suddenly last summer when I - over the course of just a few weeks - I jumped up an additional 15-20 pounds (depending on where you start counting).

So I now look at the scale and think "Wow, I am as much OVER my initial starting point now as I needed to lose originally back then." (Or in other words - we started this blog with me needing to lose about 55 pounds, I am now about 40 pounds over my starting point.)

You know what really bothers me? From what I can figure out bariatrics - the branch of medicine that specializes in obesity - really only focuses on surgery and appetite suppression. I mean I know they also look at behavioral modification and diet and exercise, but all of it still with a focus on how to eat less. Seriously? I can go all day - or more - without eating anything and NOT feel hungry. I really don't think my problem is over eating. So what IS my problem? Under exercising clearly is part of it - but I think there is something more. I don't need a recommendation from my doctor to go see a bariatric specialist - but I think I will ask her for one anyway. Maybe what I REALLY need is psychological counselling. Maybe what I need is not a CPAP machine to help me breathe, but sleeping pills to help me fall asleep and then stay asleep.

Weekend Wrap-up

Nothing much to wrap up actually. I had my sleep study last night. It was horrible! That is pretty much it. I feel like I lost the whole weekend because of it.

I didn't exercise. I ate - not very much - but poorly. The only real food I had was last night - left over veggie stir fry.

I should get the results of this current study in a week or two. I don't know what the results will show, but I can tell you the CPAP machine is not for me. I felt like I was being smothered. I also didn't sleep very deeply - and I woke up with bloodshot eyes. I never have bloodshot eyes. I kept dreaming that the study was over, so every time I did wake up I was disappointed that I was still there and still had hours to go. Ugh! Again I say, hope that you will NEVER have to have a sleep study done. OH! and the machine made it impossible to roll over - so I was all stiff and sore this morning. Seriously, how can people sleep with them?

I think I forgot

I don't remember checking the blog yesterday. I have been so good about it - but I have NO memory of it yesterday.

I had to leave work yesterday at 11:30am to make it home by noon to wait for Servpro to show up and dehydrate my house. They got there by 1:15-ish and then were done by, probably 2-ish, but I didn't go back to work. I SHOULD have gone back, but by then I had taken off my shoes and tights and REALLY didn't feel like putting them back on. So, I didn't go back.

My house now has four big fans and three dehumidifiers sucking all of the moisture out of the house. I swear I can't stand being that dry! It seems that no matter how much I drink it does no good. Sigh. I should live in Hawaii. Hopefully they shouldn't be there too long since most of the moisture has dried naturally. They had to cut open the walls above the slider in the living room and then below each of the windows in the bedrooms upstairs.

I made a yummy stir fry yesterday for lunch since I was at home - brown rice, veggies, egg and a little bit of the Soy-vay hoisin sauce Sarah gave me for by birthday. I should have brought that for lunch today - but we were supposed to do a team lunch today. THAT ended up being cancelled. So I ordered a bento box from Greenleaf - which was veggie/shrimp tempura and a California roll. Yummy - but the fat has made me queasy all day. Of course, I have been queasy off and on for a while now. I keep telling April that I am having sympathy pregnancy symptoms. Of course, sometimes I have the symptoms before she does - so I don't know what the story is.

Anyway, I have my part two sleep study tomorrow night. Ugh - again. This means I can't sleep in tomorrow morning because I have to be able to go to bed by 10:30. Sigh.

Wish I could keep the reduced appetite without the nausea!

So I started feeling queasy a bit on Saturday and Sunday, and by Monday I was constantly queasy. I kept feeling hungry and thinking I could eat, but then I seriously regretted eating. By yesterday I was down to just a few tiny meals. I woke up today feeling marginally less queasy but completely weak (the consequence of too few calories, I imagine) so I still ate almost nothing. But after lunch (Mary made me grilled cheese! I didn't even ask -- she just was being wonderful!) I started feeling better, so I made it to the gym for the third day in a row, and this time after I finished on the bike the queasiness didn't immediately return. Thank goodness. I'm not 100% yet, but I've eaten a reasonable amount of food over the course of the evening, so I shouldn't be weak tomorrow.

In the meantime, my weight has plummeted! I wish I could cheerfully eat a dinner as small as a half bowl of soup and a half of a smallish quesadilla every night. I wish I had to work to get UP to my level of calories instead of keeping it DOWN to that. Only I believe I hate nausea more than any other symptom -- give me pain over nausea anyday.

My challenge to myself over the next three days is to exercise ONCE. Usually between Friday and Sunday I barely move. I used to get exercise on Fridays walking downtown in the afternoon, but that hasn't worked out in months. So I need to find a way to get moving.

Day off

When setting up my exercise schedule for this week, I took Thursday off so I could sleep "late" (if 6:15 counts as late!) and not worry about fitting in exercise around work and scouts. Girl Scouts was so much fun today--we're getting ready for our Community Event on Saturday so we made our display for Brazil, made carnaval masks and made brigadeiros, a traditional Brazilian candy. The kids seemed to like it, but I thought it was kind of gross. It's just sweetened condensed milk, butter, and cocoa powder cooked until it's gummy, then rolled into balls and rolled in chocolate jimmies or sugar. It was invented in the 1930's when it was too expensive to import sweets from elsewhere (why? Why did Brazil, a huge sugar and cocoa producer, ever have to import sweets?) and Nestle was pushing their new products. I'm glad that Brazil got the brigadeiros and we got key lime pie instead!

So nothing to report really, except that apparently I am capable of being around sugary sweet things without eating them all!

What I like about exercise

It's so easy to remember the things I hate about exercising, and I'm reminded of them, often painfully, every time I'm actually exercising or even just thinking about exercising. So I thought it would be beneficial, or even instructive, to list the things I like about exercising so I can refer back to the list when the "I hate this" feeling comes over me.

I like the clothes. More to the point, I like the idea of the clothes. I love the cool high tech wicking materials and the sleek compression tights and the cute running skirts that are coming into fashion and the colorful cycling jerseys and the precisely engineered jackets for keeping out wind and rain and keeping in warmth. Mind you, I don't own most of this stuff because it's all crazy expensive and I can't really justify most of it when I already have a drawer full of things from Target that do just fine. But people buy clothes based on how they'd LIKE to be seen by others, not how they really ARE, and I'd like people to think of me as one of the uber-cool women from the Title Nine or Athleta catalogs, who spend their days rock climbing or surfing and who have jobs like archeologists and ecologists specializing in dune management. They have rock hard abs and no hips, and I'm sure if I buy a running skirt I could be just like them. I'm thinking of taking up yoga just so I could buy some of the clothes.

I like those occasional moments during exercise when everything feels just right. This doesn't happen very much. Often never, sometimes once or twice in the 45 minutes that I'm sweating. But occasionally I'll realize that after stuggling up that hill, my heart suddenly is not straining to burst out of my chest and my breathing is normal and nothing hurts and I'll feel like I'm flying along and everything is in sync. It only lasts for maybe 15 seconds before my lungs start burning again or my ankle hurts, but it feels good while it lasts. I could see that if some people feel that way a LOT while they are exercising that they might be one of those odd creatures who just loves to run or swim or bike or whatever their sport is. For me, it happens more often while biking where I feel like I could just go on like that forever, but that's probably because we live in a place with rolling hills so when I hit a downhill I feel good.

I like it when it's over. You know that feeling you get when an exam is over or when you file your taxes or when the dentist hits the "chair up" button after you got a filling? That's how it feels to finish exercising. Painful horrible thing accomplished, don't need to dread it again until the next time. That's nice.

I like feeling smug. I may as well just be honest about it, and I think everyone who goes on and on about how great they feel because they exercise needs to admit this too. They don't feel great when they exercise. They feel great because they feel superior to the schlub next to them whose only exercise is walking into and out of McDonald's. We listen to the studies about how lazy Americans are and read the statistics about how little we move compared to our grandparents and we just feel smug because we know they aren't talking about us. This works even if you only exercise once a week. You're still ahead of most people, so you can feel smug. You know what the absolute best smugness was? Remember that super-sprint triathlon I did last year down in Bethesda? It was early in the morning and I got up, drove down, swam a few hundred meters, biked 10 miles, ran 2.5 miles, got back in my car and drove home--and my family was still in bed. I felt awesomely smug that day.

No weigh

It is weird the way one thing off in your routine screws up the WHOLE routine. I forgot to weigh this morning because I had no water. I didn't get to shower this morning - which means I didn't get undressed in the bathroom - which means I didn't weigh in.

I have been eating badly. Not a lot - just badly. Katie hasn't had school (no water) so she hasn't been making me breakfast. I haven't been making coffee (no water) so I have been going to Caribou on my way to work and getting coffee and banana bread for breakfast. I did have a tuna sandwich for lunch yesterday, today I had carrots, yogurt and a banana. Last night I had a leftover birthday Coldstone cupcake for dinner. Tonight I had spinach ravioli. No exercise.

I HAVE been going to bed mostly by my 10:30 pm bedtime, but I have been MORE tired during the day. In fact, today Suzanne told me that I look more tired than usual. I wonder what's that about.

The water is back on - at least for now, and hopefully for good. I need to go take a shower before I go to bed. I don't want to miss my window of opportunity.

152.0

But my body is at war with my stomach at the moment. I started feeling queasy occasionally over the weekend, and by yesterday it was pretty much steady all day. And it's that horrid kind of queasiness that seems like it would be better if you eat, and it is while you're eating, and then it's much worse afterwards. So I spent a good chunk of yesterday eating and wishing I hadn't eaten. Today I felt terrible at 5 am-ish, but hungry when I woke up at 8, so I ate breakfast and then was miserable for the next two and a half hours. Then I was starving and feeling great, so I ate a light snack and am now regretting it again. Ugh. This isn't progressing into a full-blown stomach virus, but it's keeping me semi-incapacitated nonetheless. Bleah.

I had three days of exercise lined up this week (we missed yesterday because Mary had to go to a Brownie meeting to work on her Junior Aide) but I genuinely don't know if I'll make today's, at least. It's frustrating, having such gorgeous weather, which makes me feel like getting moving, yet being unable to move!

A choose-your-own-weight day

When I got up this morning, I was 149.8. After my 25 minutes of pilates and stretching, I was 149.4 (which is kind of odd--it's not like pilates makes me sweat at all, and my heart rate doesn't go much above a resting heart rate since I'm lying down the whole time). Either way, I'm back into the 140's without the benefit of a stomach virus, so I'm happy.

I saved two puppies yesterday and one so far today. It was nice enough yesterday for an outside run at lunchtime, and it felt surprisingly good. I went out intending just to walk so I didn't hurt my back (did I mention I have orders to go back to PT for a tune up? My SI joint has slipped back out of joint. Not really badly, but enough so that the pain is low but constant and sharp when I'm lifting too much or standing for too long.) but running just feels better--I think it warms my muscles up better, which helps the pain, and it loosens the ligaments, which helps even more. Plus, it gets the workout over with faster. I walked several of the uphill sections, but ran a lot more than I thought I'd be able to. I ended up averaging 12 minute miles - more than two minutes slower per mile than I did in the triathlon, but not far off from my speed on this same route last year when I started running it. I just need to work back up to running the whole distance and I should be o.k. for the tri. Except for that pesky swimming thing.

Water back on - sort of

I did probably even less than Sarah did yesterday. On Saturday I managed to lose the whole day. I am not sure how that happened. I did get home very late on Friday night from work (like 10pm - I have no life!). So that put me to bed late. I didn't sleep particularly late Saturday morning - but I didn't have a lot of energy. That was the first day with no water - and so I never made any coffee - and THAT kept me dragging too. I don't even think I got out of my PJs all day - and I know I didn't eat a single meal. I was very thirsty (psychological I think) and drank TWO big glasses of OJ. I snacked on pistachio nuts - and that, honestly, is all I remember for the day. Oh - I had a banana. I then went to bed very late (1:30am or so) and had to get up by 7:30am to get dressed for the Servpro people - who arrived at 9:30am - and I sent away at 9:33am. I wasn't prepared or expecting them to tear out the walls THAT day. I thought they were just going to do an estimate.

But I was dressed.

I then made several trips with buckets of snow to melt to flush the toilets. Katie did several loads too. It takes a fair amount of snow to flush the toilets. And a long time to melt it.

I then went to Mom and Dad's to take a shower. Thank goodness. I was getting ripe.

Church was short since they had no water either. We were home by 5:50pm. This was good because last night was my first official night of going to bed at 10:30pm. I did OK. I was IN bed by 10:27. I read for a little bit - but turned off my light a11:53pm. I will get better - I hope. However, I didn't feel any more rested today than normal. OTOH, I don't remember waking up during the night, and I began my morning waking up at about 6am - as opposed to my normal 5am. So...

New resolve

I can't remember if I posted this or just thought about it, but one thing I noticed while reading through the blog from back when I was first successfully losing weight was that I was usually exercising twice a day back then--going to the gym or walking the dog and doing pilates (sometimes all three!). Of course, back then I wasn't so busy at work since I was new on the job and I didn't have nearly so many things going on in the evenings. But if I'm going to lose the weight I gained, I need to get back to that sort of schedule, so as of this morning I'm adding a morning session three days a week so I can do pilates then. I'm also going to try to do pilates both days on the weekends, so that'll give me five extra exercise sessions per week, even if it means getting up at 5:30 three days a week! My reward for getting up that early is that at least the exercise helps wake me up. And doing pilates in the morning means I don't need to allow time to change--I can just do it in my pajamas!

So, gorgeous day outside yesterday and what did I do? Nothing. Well, not nothing, but I never had a block of time when I could get out to run or ride my bike. It was church all morning, then feed the kids, then finish decorating the basketball cake. At that point we only had an hour and a half until we had to leave for the basketball party. If I had gone out then, I would have come back sweaty and needing a shower and there was no time for that. The party was fun (ate too much, of course) but it was dark when we got home and Connor was in full meltdown mode (he had been up since 3:30) so that was it for the day. At least I was able to get to bed early (Claire requested an early bedtime because of the stupid MSA tests starting today), which made the 5:30 wake up a lot easier.

Back to reality

So we had a fabulous weekend in NYC. I love it up there. I love not driving anywhere, walking everywhere, and just seeing and hearing everything the city has going on. I am always amazed though at how thin New Yorkers are on a whole. I know they walk alot, but I also know they almost never cook their own meals. We have never, in all our trips to NYC to visit Martin an Bonnie, had a home cooked meal. This trip was no exception. We went to A Salt and Battery Saturday afternoon for a late lunch (it's an English chippy) and then had take out Chinese rather late Saturday night. The fish was amazing at the chippy--so fresh, and even though it was fried the batter was really light and peels off very nicely so I could drench it in vinegar. And the chips were actual potatoes. I love when that happens. The Chinese was ok; I didn't eat very much of it because it was really late (like 10 pm) when we got it, and that just seemed like a bad idea. Sunday we went to a French place for breakfast. I had a totally sexy croissant and a bowl of porraige that looked like puffed wheat cereal only solid. It was delicious. Then we cooked Let's Dish at home last night for dinner.

We walked a ton both Saturday and Sunday. Saturday we went to my favorite stores in midtown and walked the entire Highline again. Sunday we went to breakfast near Union Square and then to the NYC Fire Museum. Fun stuff.

Now I have to face reality, and it bores me. I wish Baltimore was as walkable as NYC. It makes me laugh that when I google the distance between places in NYC and see that it is only a mile, I don't even think twice about setting off, but here in Baltimore if I have to go two blocks I'm annoyed. Why is that? Does that even make sense? How to I envoke that mentality on a daily basis?

The secret to weight loss...

... is apparently eating a dinner composed mostly of cheese-based appetizers and following it up with three desserts. And exercising not at all. My weight was down two pounds this morning despite having my worst food/exercise day since we got back from the trip. It seems so unfair that on days when I treat my body by the book I don't see any progress, then when I've been horrid I suddenly have some water loss and it jumps down. This is a major reason why people have such a hard time losing weight, I think; if the connection between good behavior and good results was obvious, and bad behavior and bad results as well, we'd all have an easier time being good.

OTOH, I have no reason to complain -- I did see a "new" (by which I mean "new recently", not "new entirely" low), which means the hard work of the other days is paying off a little. I just wish I were more excited about the whole process.

Just checking in...

We have had no water all day. I guess, Julie, you probably have been in the same boat. This is such a flashback to five years ago (or so) when we had no water for a week, no power for most of a week and a hurricane. (So I guess that was more than five years ago.) Anyway - so between the snow melting in, the loss of power for 28 hours on Wednesday/Thursday and now this, I am ready to move into a yurt somewhere where you NEVER have power or water and you always have snow melting in. Sigh.

Sarah, how do you eat so many fruits and veggies. I am proud of myself if I manage to get three in. I may have to focus more on that. Well, it is now four minutes past my weekend bedtime, and Servpro is supposed to be coming tomorrow between 8 am and 11, so I'd better get to bed.

Eating well, not exercising

Since cutting out sweets and insisting on buying *enough* fruit and vegetables to make them into snacks (always a problem with Brian--he does the shopping and isn't a big fruit eater and doesn't think of vegetables as more than a side dish, so he never buys enough of anything) I've been eating really well. I'm having 7 or 8 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, not snacking on junk after work and in the evening, and just generally doing better with my diet than I have in a long time. I haven't counted calories, but don't feel a big need to at the moment since my meals are the same that they always have been and my snacks are lower calorie.

Exercise, however, has been hard to come by. I've been on the go every day early morning until late at night. I've only managed one lunch break this week to get to the gym (I haven't been taking lunch breaks since I'm getting to work between 9 and 9:30 so I can get the kids on the bus, and then have had to leave by 5 two days this week instead of staying until 5:30 or 6). I'll get there again today, but two days at the gym in a week isn't good. I have no evenings either since I've got Brian gone Monday - Wednesday and I'm gone Thursday evening. That'll ease up in the summer, thank goodness. I'm hoping to get out on my bike tomorrow for a short ride, but I have to do a lot of baking tomorrow (basketball/school parties on Sunday and Monday), so can't stay out for long.

As expected, my weight was back up to 151.2 this morning--eating less is fine for maintaining my weight, but I really have to get in that daily exercise if I want to actually LOSE weight.

You've got to move it, move it.

I, that would be. I've got to move it move it! I need to start running or something. Katie and I have had no power since 2:30am Thursday morning. When it hadn't come back on as of 9pm last night (and the house was getting COLD!!!) I decided I would spend the night with Mom and Dad. I discovered last night that the mirror in Mom's bathroom is WAY less flattering than the mirror in my bathroom. Mostly because I could see MORE of me naked when I went to take a bath.

UGH! I am FAT!! I mean, this isn't a surprise to me - but it was WAY more unpleasant seeing it last night. I need to lose a 100 pounds. I don't know how to do that. The best I have EVER managed to do is lose about 12 pounds - but then I always gain it back with friends. Is sleep really the key? Before, water was supposed to be the key. All the books and articles on weight loss said so. I drink a lot of water. It didn't seem to help me. Maybe that is what I need to do for the rest of Lent. For the rest of Lent I HAVE to go to bed by 10:30pm. Have to. Friday and Saturday night I can stay up until midnight, but for all school nights I HAVE TO go to bed by 10:30pm. That would allow for me to get 8 hours of sleep each night (assuming I pass out as soon as I go to bed... Well, at least I will be IN BED for 8 hours). I wonder if that would actually make a difference? Regardless, it would help to set me up for good habits if the CPAP machine thingy does help me get better quality sleep.

I wish I hadn't taken that trip to Reno. It was fun - but it was expensive. And it would have been more fun to do something MORE FUN (like the folk school, or maybe a cruise or something). I am saying this because I have a hole in my dining room ceiling and I think I have to get a plumber to fix whatever is leaking in the bathroom, a tile guy to TILE the bathroom and then someone to come in and fix the ceiling and paint it. I don't know who to get to do these things. I am feeling like if they are going to be tearing up the rest of my house in the next month or so, I should just get THAT project done too. Does anyone know of a good general contractor?