I love my medicine!!!

I am in love with my Lexapro. Not in love like you have to cart me off to NA - but in love to the point where I wish I had started it five years ago! I am ENJOYING things again. Stupid things - like reading in bed and sleeping. I know it may be insensitive to talk about sleeping on a board where Sarah will read about it... but seriously! I forgot how much I used to like just to hunker down into bed and sleep. So much so that yesterday when I got to work I was wondering how soon I could leave to go home to sleep. I haven't been overly tired really (although I have noticed that I have been going to bed earlier and sleeping slightly later in the mornings when I can). I think I am just more relaxed now and so I am more comfortable when I do go to bed. I also think it is much easier for me to unwind at night so I do fall asleep more effectively.

The other thing that I have noticed different about me is that I am hungry. I don't know yet if this is a good thing or a bad thing. BUT - I have been eating lunch at lunch time and the healthy (not candy bars and cheetos from the vending machines) snacks that I have packed throughout the day. BUT, and this is the good thing, I haven't been doing the eating until it is all gone and then some thing. I don't know if I am eating more slowly, but I have noticed that I will stop when I don't want any more. I usually notice this AFTER I have stopped. This may sound stupid - but, for example, Katie and I have a box of gourmet truffels that I got on VD. It has 24 in it. We have been eating one per day. The last time I had these truffels, I finished off my half in about two days - and then started in on Katies. Back to the enjoying thing again. I can enjoy one without feeling the whole "if that one was so good maybe six more will be even better!" (which BTW, is borderline self medicating addictive behavior - "more will make me feel better" Thank goodness I only did that with food and craft supplies and not drugs and alcohol!).

My weight was about a pound up from last week's doctor office weight... But that is still down about two pounds from what I had been seeing. For right now I am trying to get back into the habit of packing healthy, complete lunches, and eating regularly at home too. Katie and I are doing Let's Dish tomorrow evening - Thank Goodness!! We haven't had dinner food for a few weeks now. My plan still is to do Body For Life over lent. Sarah? Do you and Brian still have my book? I can't find it - and I honestly don't remember if I ever got it back from you. I will keep looking - but it has been almost a decade since we did it last.

Another boring Tuesday post

It's Tuesday, so I'm posting. 144 this morning. I exercised not at all after Tuesday until Sunday, when I went for a 23.66-mile bike ride. It was actually a really good ride -- the slopes never got worse than 4% (and when I hit that, I knew, but it was only a short uphill, relatively speaking, so I managed to stay on the bike) and the weather was mostly good (it was threatening rain, but I never felt more than two drops). But the road I chose for my turnaround (long ride out, long ride by a different route back) to allow me the gentle uphill return instead of the knock-me-flat return turned out to be gravel. It would have been perfect on the right sort of bike -- very secluded (and I won't say I didn't get the Deliverance theme in my head! I need to find a riding partner) and shady, all along a dry creek bed, but I couldn't go faster than about 8-10 mph the whole way, and that was only when I caught some less-graveled bits. I couldn't load a map on my phone from where I was so I couldn't find an alternate route when I realized it was gravel, and looking at the map after the fact I'm not sure there really IS an alternate non-gravel route anyway. So I'm not sure what to do about that.

Remarkably, as of yesterday my tired legs were already recovered and painless (not so much my sit bones, though!) so I went to the gym for 45 minutes on the elliptical. Today I have another gym appointment, and then (again) nothing the rest of the week. Daniel is on a no-excuses exercise plan right now (he won't allow himself a drink at night unless he has worked out) and has only missed one day in two weeks (Tuesdays are awful for him) so I'm going to try to keep up with him on that. I wish I could get out on bike rides around town on weekdays -- up and down the Huckleberry would be perfect for a mid-week ride! But I don't like to get five or six miles from home when the kids are unsupervised and there's no one to rescue me from bike troubles. So I'm going to have to get back to what I did during the late spring and early fall, and do my school day exercise on busy days as runs in a loop close to the house. Dull. But effective.

Website to share

April just forwarded me this website. Green Lite Bites. She has some great (and beautiful!) recipes. Check it out.

I think this is one of the few birthdays I have ever had that does NOT fall within lent. I know that isn't true (I don't think) but it seems to me that often it IS Lent. You know how most people check to see what day their birthday falls on at the beginning of the year? I check to see when Ash Wednesday is in relation to my birthday. Anyway - no lent, birthday on a Friday. We are going to California Pizza Kitchen for my work lunch. I am not sure what I am going to get yet... Maybe the pear and gorgonzola pizza (which BTW is lent friendly)...

My ear infection yesterday afternoon hit the shooting pain stage of things. I was also back to feeling dizzy - although not as extremely so. It is feeling better today. I hope that lasts because I took my last dose of advil yesterday and forgot to reload today.

Anyway, I got weighed at the doctor's office on Tuesday (after not being able to balance on my OWN scale Tuesday morning...). I was wearing jeans and had eaten breakfast, but I was almost five pounds lighter than I was at my LAST doctor's office weigh-in on 1/19. That visit I was wearing yoga pants and I don't believe I had eaten much of anything... Five pounds, in case anyone is wondering, is not an unusual variance for me just from day to day, so it probably means nothing. However, ever since I have been taking the lexapro I have noticed that I have bouts of night sweats almost every night - so maybe I am melting away some of my excess 100 pounds. I also have been consistanly going to bed much earlier. I take my pill at about 9:30 and usually turning off my light to sleep at about 10:30. For the first time in my life I am not able to power through that sleepy phase I hit around 10pm. AND, I don't seem to mind at all that I am only getting a few hours of down (non work) time each day. I will be interested in seeing what I weigh on March 15h...

Partial Post

I'll have to try to remember to weigh myself tomorrow. I had an offsite meeting on Monday so I was off schedule, so today was my Monday in the office. That always screws me up.

We started doing exercises with kettle balls this weekend. Wow--what a great workout! Peter made us a "ball" out of some free weights we had lying around the house and about $10 worth of precut pipe from the plumbing section at Home Depot. We did 4 different exercises and I can really feel the muscles I was working today. I could also feel them last night; my sides are a mess. The best part was that it didn't take an hour to complete the exercises, and my heart rate was definitely up. The one exercise has you doing a controlled swing from between your feet to out in front of you, and that one really made my muscles work to control it.

I'm taking tonight as a kettle ball rest night, and then I'll repeat the exercises tomorrow night.

Why am I even bothering to post?

I have nothing interesting to say. My weight was 145 today -- up a pound from where it's been this week but not surprising given the way I've been eating, which is very much like Sarah, only probably with more than 300 calories over on any given day. It's to my advantage that the snacking I've been doing today is candy hearts: nutritionally toxic but not nearly so caloric as chocolate.

It's been a terrible exercise week; I got to the gym last Tuesday and I'm pretty sure that was the last real exercise until today, a week later (though my step count was over 9,000 on Sunday and over 7,000 on Saturday, which is pretty good for a non-exercise day for me). We had gorgeous weather (though windy) on Sunday and Monday, but Cecilia was sick on Sunday, and not well enough for childcare at the gym by Monday. Yesterday I passed out in mid-afternoon for no good reason -- Daniel came home quite early so he could let me go out for a bike ride, and I was dead to the world. I'd had a good night's sleep, but towards the end of the school day I suddenly couldn't keep my eyes open. I thought just the act of going upstairs to lie down would wake me up, but it didn't. So I missed the chance for a nice long ride. Phooey.

There is no chance for exercise tomorrow (Alexander's birthday, which we're trying to squeeze in among Mary's piano lesson, Mary's art lesson, Cub Scouts, and middle school youth group) and Thursday is unlikely as well. Friday is right out. Daniel's parents are here this weekend but I might find a minute to sneak out on Sunday. Sigh.

Tuesday weight gain

Not a gain from last week, fortunately. But all this weekend I was in the 146 range, then up to 147.2 yesterday, and then today, the day it counts, I'm up to 148.4. Of course! On the other hand, if my high for the week is on weigh-in day and it's still lower than the previous week, then I guess I'm doing o.k.

Not much new to report. I ate way too much over the weekend, and particularly yesterday, so the weight gain is no surprise. Over the weekend I countered the overeating (and really it was overeating by just 300 calories a day, so not fatal) with activity--a five mile walk on Saturday and, well, lots of cleaning and vacuuming on Sunday (I was hoping for another walk, but Claire had other ideas). Yesterday, not so much--I ate a big (for me) breakfast, ate conversation hearts all day, then had a big dinner by any standards, then finished up the day with a spicy mocha from Caribou (thanks, Katie!). Today I'm back to being good, at least until I get home and am faced with the leftover Valentine's candy.

Losing weight by diet alone

I'm interrupting my normal once-a-week postings (remember back when we pretty much all posted daily?) for this imporant whine:

While I know it's possible to lose weight by diet alone, it really, really, really sucks and I don't know why anyone would choose this approach.

It's what I've been trying for a mere two weeks, and while I've so far been successful (of course my weight went back down to 148.4 after weigh-in day this week; today, alarmingly, I was 146 but I KNOW that's wrong, but let's assume that in two weeks I've lost two or slightly more pounds) I find myself longingly reading restaurant menus online, and drooling over pictures of food in magazines.

It was quite depressing when I realized this week that the Daily Plate still had my age at 40 and my weight at 150. When I upped my age to 42, lowered my weight a bit, and checked "sedentary" as my activity level (which by their definition I am--seated in an office most of the day; at home I'm as often as not sitting and reading or surfing the internet. I wish there was a step between sedentary and light activity--about half of my time at home is doing light activity) my allowed calories for the day, based on wanting to lose 1.5 pounds a week, was something like 956 calories! That was a 200 calorie drop (and could explain why I've lost just one pound a week instead of 1.5--their calculators seem to be pretty accurate for me). Rather than agree to that reduction (seriously, taking in under 1000 calories strikes me as a bad idea--how on earth would you get all the nutrients you need?), I lowered my weight loss goals to one pound a week. I've also been pretty good about doing some type of strength training exercise each day--upper body free weight stuff, or pilates-type core exercises--but while that's nice to do, it really doesn't take long or burn too much (woo hoo! I burned 45 calories in ten minutes!).

So that's my whine for today. I'm really looking forward to the thaw we're supposed to get over the next week--hoping I can get outside and exercise after work a couple of days so that I can burn some fat and stop starving myself!

Back on track

Sort of! I am back to exercising more often. I have gone to the gym the past two Mondays and each week I schedule the next week's workout, so that's one good spot each week. On Tuesdays I have figured out that I can get an appointment as soon as they open in the afternoons and still JUST finish in time to pick up the big kids after band. From there on the week gets complicated, but last Wednesday I managed a very short bike ride and this week I'll have time as well; starting next week I'll have to take Mary to art class after school, but if I am changed and ready to go when I pick her up, I can cram a short ride or run in on decent weather days after art class. Thursdays I might be able to get to the gym, if we don't want a complicated dinner and I can be home by 5:30 so I can get everybody out the door to scouts and me to choir practice. Last week I just ditched exercise on Thursday. And on Fridays it will just be a 25 minute walk downtown, as it has been in the past, but it's still something. With the new bike I have a new source of guilt to get me out of the house for at least ONE long ride on the weekends. I won't consider the bike earned until I've ridden at least 2000 miles on it -- so that may take a couple of years at a minimum!

Last week my first ride felt pretty good, but it was on the Huckleberry Trail, which was covered with debris and busy with people running, so I couldn't get going very fast. And I couldn't go far, since the kids were unsupervised at home (with a friend, no less!). And then I managed to knock the computer off my bike and send it flying, and it took me 10 minutes to track it down. So it wasn't great exercise. On Sunday, however, the ride was VERY serious exercise, but it felt terrible. The first two or three miles were great, because they were entirely downhill -- often very fast. But I knew, halfway down, that I was doomed on the return trip. It was a brutal uphill climb, 7 or 8% at times, and 6.2% on average, according to the map! I thought my heart was going to explode. I had to walk half of it, and that took forever. I've mapped out a much longer ride that has a much less steep return, though the road is long and winding, so I'm worried about that.

Anyway, my weight oscillated between 145 and 145.5 all week -- I seldom see it so consistent. Today it obligingly dropped to 143.5 despite the glass of wine with dinner and my attempt to polish off the remaining cheesecake in the fridge (it's been there since New Year's and I'm the only one who understands how important progress is on defeating cheesecakes -- only one slice left!). In short, no real progress, but at least I'm feeling slightly less blobby.

Mooovin' on...down?

So I've been dappling in the 4 hour Body for two weeks now, and I am down 5 lbs and 6.5 inches; nearly 10 total pounds since my highest weight struck back in mid-December. My pants are fitting better and I am feeling SO much better. No more mid-afternoon burn outs, no more snacking at night, and I have been sleeping so much better. It is amazing what protein does for the body; I was totally taking in too many carbs and extra sugar and not enough protein. And I've been drinking so much water and it also feels good to be hydrated. I consume 3-4L per day of plain water, then sometimes a cup of tea if my office is freezing and maybe a soda. I've pretty much eliminated the soda without even noticing; now it is mostly a treat. I've also probably eaten more beans in the last two weeks than in my entire life to date. And the weird thing, I was SO worried about having horrible gas, but when you take the extra sugars and starches out of the equation, that isn't an issue at all. Sugar really is the root of all evil. Just think if the American Indians hadn't taken it from the Europeans...this country would be a different place! LOL.

This is the first diet plan like this I have tried, and I really like it I think because I FEEL so different. I'm not hungry, I'm not tired, I think I might actually be thinking more clearly because of not being hungry and not being tired, and the built in cheat day each week means you never really give something up, you just defer it to the appropriate day. I'm usually not one for these types of diets, but this one is different for me, and thank goodness, it is also working.

I went for another swimming lesson last night. I am a terrible, TERRIBLE swimmer. I lack coordination, and I just can't remember all the stuff the lady tells me to do. I'm pretty sure she thinks I am incapable of following directions. Then last night she made me do these drills where you don't kick and just use your arms to move through the water, and I felt like I was flailing in the water. It was AWFUL. I have no upper body strength, I have no coordination and then I guess maybe from breaking my right arm multiple times, it just has difficulty following the directions my brain sends it. I can only imagine what it looked like.

Harry kept me up most of last night; his toe scabbed up and I think it was itching to the point he was borderline insane, which I can certainly relate to. Even though he has his cone of shame on, he somehow managed to tear the scab. At least it didn't bleed or anything. I have to call the vet today to see if there is anything to do for him.

Not fair!

So I've been carefully counting calories this week and seeing results--the past three days my weight has been 148.6, 148.4, and 148.4 (with a brief flash onto 148.2 before settling on the higher weight).

You know what my weight was today? 149.8!!! Sheesh. I also had to struggle to put my ring on, so I'm pretty sure it's water retention, but it's still frustrating after seeing those better weights all week. I guess at least I should be happy to be back under 150 (if barely).

Wednesday weight

I didn't get my weight yesterday--mornings these days are entirely theoretical things. Connor wakes up and goes to sleep at such odd and inconsistent times that my whole morning routine is off. Where I used to jump out of bed at the alarm, go to the bathroom and weigh myself, now I drag myself out of bed sometimes when Brian tells me it's my turn to take care of Connor, ushering in the morning at the entirely unreasonable hour of 3 or 4 a.m., and sometimes when my phone alarm goes off from the pocket of my robe (I put it there and then wear my robe all night so I don't have to remember to take the phone with me when I switch beds in the night). Those mornings are especially discombobulating because I first have to figure out which bed I'm in and get my bearings before getting up. Add a bunch of snow days to that and it gets even more confusing--my first order of business is to check my email for closings and delays. In any event, I no longer follow my normal morning routine so forgetting to weigh myself on Tuesday isn't that surprising. Remember that it was Tuesday at all WOULD be surprising.

So my weight today was 150.4. At least I'm consistent, right? This is making Sarah Palin very happy, so clearly something must be done. I'm starting back today with counting calories, and making a committment to doing pilates at least three days a week. Until we work out something permanent for Connor's transportation, or until Brian is unemployed again (or better--employed second or third shift somewhere), or until Connor starts sleeping again, I can't commit to more. I think this is the worst part of my stress this past month--as much as I hate to exercise it IS a good stress reliever and without it I've been a mess. The weight gain is only a small part of it.

Missed it by THAT much

So it's not officially Tuesday anymore, but I haven't gone to bed yet, so it's still Tuesday. I can report: my weight isn't changing dramatically (145, up from last week, but in the same range it's been all month), but I've started exercising again. 40 minutes on the (upright!) bike a the gym (man, those seats bite) yesterday and 40 minutes on the elliptical today. I couldn't work an appointment out for the rest of this week -- we have something going on at gym time every day -- but I'm going to do my best to find workout times. Rumor has it I missed a GORGEOUS day for cycling on Sunday here. No nice weather seems to be on the way again for the rest of the month, as far as I can tell. Phooey. But I set up appointments for next Monday and Tuesday at the gym, and I might even be able to swing Wednesday next week as well. Here's hoping. I'm tired of being a blob!

Ho hum

I just got into work after taking the Harry Dog for an unexpected trip to the vet. He is in surgery now having one of his toe nails removed. I had to cover 2 classes last night at CCBC, so my friend let Harry out to pee around 6:30-7ish. When I got home he was acting weird, but I fed him and made him go outside again. As I was making dinner and he was continuing to act weird, I discovered the understandable source of the weirdness--he had a toe nail on his back paw bent at a 90 degree angle from what it should normally be. He must have fallen on the ice, as I can't come up with another explanation. It was bleeding just a little bit, so I made the decision to wait to see his regular vet rather than pay the 3x mark up at the emergency vet. Using Peter's awesome people paramedic skills, we cleaned it up and wrapped it, then got him in first thing this morning to see the vet. Poor dog. I feel terrible. The vet has to cut the toe nail off at the base, so cut THROUGH the quick. Ow. Which is why he has to be sedated. Plus she wanted to see where the damage originated, so it might involve more than just that, but let's hope not. Poor dog. I feel terrible. And yes, I know I already said that.

I'm down about 4 lbs from last week. After Peter and I did the Bod Pod assessment 2 Thursdays ago, we started a diet plan the next day. After one week I'm down 4 lbs and 1.5 inches. That's actually as of Saturday, because that is our check in day. The diet is pretty easy to stick to; I'm pretty surprised about that.

I think that's all for today. I am feeling pretty bummed about Harry, so hopefully we can pick him up in a little while from the vet and get him on the road to recovery.

Today IS Tuesday

So, I weighed the same today as last week - which was slightly higher than the week before, but by only a fraction of a pound. Actually, now that I think about it I may have been slightly lower today that last week. Regardless - it is all about the same.

I have been on my anti-anxiety medicine for about two weeks now. I don't think it is working yet. I woke up at four this morning and lay in bed worrying about my mutual fund. CLEARLY that isn't something that is fret worthy, and yet I wasted about an hour of sleep time over it!