I didn't weigh in today

In fact I didn't do much of anything today. I ended up staying home from work. I woke up this morning in the midst of what I decided was either a fever or a fever breaking. I got up long enough to send an email to work and then went back to bed. I slept several more hours.

Anyway - so I had no routine today which means I had no weigh in. My plan is to still get motivated enough to do my upper body workout for today.

Food - so far - has been a banana and some left over sushi. Good thing I don't have a stomach bug - although I consider sushi (and oatmeal, btw) comfort food.

I still have a splitting headache - and, oddly, my teeth ache. I need to drink LOTS MORE than what I have today. Hopefully that will help the headache.

What do you ladies need to know??

I'm going to Ireland in June!  I'm very excited about my trip...the only problem being that transportation while on the trip will be by plane and bus.  Why is this a problem?  PLANE seats aren't exactly what one would call roomy and the same for tour buses.  My DH is a big "football built" guy so he needs my arm room and as big as I am right now...I can't imagine being comfortable on the plane/buses!  So, although I'm happy with a 1lb per week weight loss in general...it is not going to get me where I need to be by June 20th.  I really need to be under the dreaded 200lbs, to be comfy during our grand vacation.  Working out the math...that means I need to lose 30lbs in 13.5ish weeks.  That math works out to be approx 2lbs a week - EVERY WEEK until we leave.  Lord help me!!!!  just kidding

Fake weight loss

Much to my surprise, I weighed in at 143.5 this morning -- a 3-pound drop from yesterday. Yesterday's weight was false, because it was the same as the night before (I sometimes weigh myself at night as a worst-case-scenario for the morning), but even if it was off by a pound that would still be too abrupt of a drop. But I was glad to see the number from three weeks ago anyway, and at least I'm no longer completely on the wrong track.

But I learned whilst on vacation this week that it's still entirely possible to eat FAR too many calories even when one is avoiding meat and dairy products. For one thing, fish is still allowed in my Lenten diet, as are panko crumbs and frying oil -- and fried fish is not healthy. Most noodles are also allowed, provided they don't have egg. I ate fried fish multiple times, because I tasted Alexander's grouper on Friday night at the noodle house we went to, while I was eating a HUGE bowlful of noodle soup (and shrimp and vegetables -- the toppings were pretty healthy); his grouper was panko-battered and fried before being tossed into the sweet chili sauce. It was awesome. Then I ate the leftovers on Sunday. And in between we stopped at Wendy's, where I COULD have had a plain baked potato and a side garden salad (but they are otherwise short on meatless/dairy-less options) but instead opted for the fried cod sandwich (sans tartar sauce and mayo). I wouldn't recommend it -- all I could taste was the bun, so I got rid of that after one bite (it's just a sponge anyway), and then all I could taste was FRIED. Have I mentioned that, generally speaking, I seldom eat fried foods? Ick. It totally killed the taste of any fish, even though it looked like good, meaty fish. Oh -- and while I'm listing how much I overate, on Thursday we went to a pasta house, and I ate whole-grain (I'm hoping egg-less -- that didn't strike me until later) pasta noodles with a spicy tomato sauce, and they were ALSO outstanding, but I ate waaayyyy too much. Boy, it was good.

Exercise has been weak but not non-existent. I spent all day Friday walking around the Atlanta aquarium, which is bigger than Baltimore's but a terrible layout -- and it felt very commercial and not as informative as the National Aquarium. But I got pretty close to 10,000 steps, and I was on my feet for over four hours, so that has to count for something. On Saturday we hiked up Stone Mountain and back again (so I easily hit my 10,000 that day) which definitely qualified as exercise. But I missed Sunday and Monday (Mary had a make-up art class that prevented a gym trip and I didn't do anything at home). Today I plan to get to the gym while the big kids are at band.

I'm eating better now that we're home. Instead of waffles on Sunday I ate oatmeal with maple syrup (which was pretty depressing). I've continued the oatmeal pattern for breakfast, but I've switched to strawberries, which taste better than the syrup, surprisingly. But I keep hoping I'll fall in love with oatmeal, or at least find it so familiar that it's comfort food, and so far that's not happening -- I miss my breakfast cereal and milk! I don't want to use a milk substitute (or butter substitute, etc.) because that seems like cheating -- the point is to make a genuine sacrifice. Almond milk wouldn't have been widely available sixty years ago when the no-dairy diet was prescribed for all during Lent. (Of course, neither would no-egg, no-milk Girl Scout cookies, and I'm not doing well at staying away from them, either.)

Dinners will be easier -- so far we've had leftover restaurant food and salmon, but tonight we're doing one of the CRS meals. There are SO many good vegan dinners out there that aren't fake-non-vegan dinners, and so many good (lean!) fish options available that I'll be fine as long as we're home.

Well, at least it's some weight lost

I was 146.6 today, which is roughly half a pound down from last week. But when the main number is lower for some reason it feels more like a loss--going from 147.8 to 147.2 doesn't feel as "real" as going from 147.2 to 146.6. I know that's insane. I'm o.k. with that.

So I posted in the comments to April that my new goal is to lose two pounds by next Tuesday, and as a reward I get a full body massage. For the record (and particularly for April, who asked) the reason I set this goal is because if I have a "stretch" goal of two pounds I might actually lose one to one and a half pounds, which is what my usual goal is when I'm trying to lose weight. I'm down to five weeks from Sarah Palin getting my money, and I really don't want that to happen, so I need to keep up with one to one and a half pounds a week to meet this goal. But when I'm at home and dinner isn't ready and Connor has a container of Pringles open and there's a box of Girl Scout cookies on the counter, it's hard to think about five weeks from now. But I CAN think about six days from now and the potential massage, so I'm hoping that'll keep me away from the cookies.

I'm not recommending this plan to anyone (except for the bit about giving yourself intermediate rewards for small goals)--trying to lose two pounds a week is stupid and should only be attempted if money to Sarah Palin is on the line. If you've found a diet and exercise plan that has you consistently losing a pound a week, you should stick with that.

I'm also not fooling myself--I know perfectly well that when/if I meet that 140.4 pound goal I'll gain at least a few pounds back by going back to my normal diet, but by then we'll be well into the spring and good weather and training for the metric century. In the past couple of years when I've been training heavily for something, my diet doesn't matter so much--I'm more inclined to eat well just because I need the good fuel to keep moving, and I'm burning so much that my weight stays pretty steady without dieting. I just wish I'd stay steady around 140 instead of steady around 146.

And speaking of exercise, I had a great run on Friday! I decided to run outside instead of on the treadmill, so I went out on my 3.5 mile route that I did all the time last year. I expected that I'd have to run/walk it as I've been doing all the past couple of weeks, but not only did I manage to run the whole way, but when I entered the information in mapmyrun.com it turns out that my pace was 10 minutes/mile, which I really didn't expect! That's about what I aimed for all last summer, and is only very, very slightly slower than my pace in the Celtic Solstice run back in December.

I'll take it!

I was hesitant to step on the demon scale this morning.  I have my monthly visitor and I was really worried about the impact that would have on my goal (mentioned yesterday)...Well I did it!  it was 229.5...I'll take it! 

Thanks for the great suggestion Sarah.  I do need to start making weekly goals.  I'm just not sure what else I could be doing.  I would LOVE to lose 2 pounds by next week. I've been very consistent with a 1lb weight loss every week.  I started C25K March 2nd, I do aerobics 2 times a week (this is MUCH more exercise then I've done in the last 11 years).  I've converted to vegetarian for lent and have converted to "clean eating".  I think this is a new trendy term for whole foods.  I've converted to all whole grains, LOTS of fruits and veggies, lean protein...etc.  Maybe there is something that I'm missing...would you ladies mind looking over my average menu (below) and letting me know what you think I could be missing??

Food Yesterday:

• Light 100c Whole Wheat English Muffin
• 1/2 piece of Sargento's reduced fat cheddar cheese slice (40c)
• Morning Star Veg Sausage patty (80c)
• Green Monster- GM- (8oz Almond Milk (unsweet van.) 40c, 2C spinach, 1/4C froz blueberries, 1/2 frozen banana)
• red.fat Triscuit Crackers (8)
• Cabot cheddar (1oz) 75%red fat
• gala apple
• sandwich thin with black bean garden burger and other half of red fat ched cheese slice
• salad with ken's light asian dressing (only lettuce and cucumbers)
• bag of mini smart pop popcorn
• baked talapia (a little EVOO) and 1/4 cup of mango salsa
• 3/4C brown rice
• steamed sugar snap peas

OK that was it for food...sometimes I'll have a serving of dry roasted nuts or granola bar added.  I change up the dinner but that would be a standard menu for me.  Sometimes, I'll have another GM at night.

Activity??  I did Day 3/Week 2 of C25K yesterday.  This involved: walking 5 minutes, then running 90 seconds, walking-60 seconds, alternatively for 20 minutes, finishing with a 5 minute brisk walk (cool down). 

Can you see any pitfalls or boo boos? 

My goal for this week?  To lose 2lbs by next Tuesday.  Only problem?? I have a bar crawl on Saturday...there will be LOTS of beer (or some sort of alcohol).  I only party like a rock star once a year so I won't be too discouraged if this doesn't happen but if it does...I'm going to buy myself a new pair of shoes.

P.S. - I'm so glad to be here :)

P.S.

Amy, I'm not sure I can handle this default font...

My First Post with the New Look

First, welcome April!  

Peter and I are headed to Alaska in August, and I signed us up for a pretty decent hike in Skagway.  So this is my current motivation for exercise.  I started my training yesterday, and we walked just over two miles. The next two weeks are wonky because of one or both of us travelling, so between now and April 1st I am just going to set a goal of walking a certain number of miles each week.  I think I'm going with 6 miles right now.  Once April 1st rolls around, the game will change.  I've been researching hiking training plans most of the morning; I need to figure out how to train for the elevation.  Maybe you guys know something about that.

Googling the hiking plans today lead me across a website for the C & O Canal day hikes. I think that is on my list for next year since it is too close to get in on the action this year.

In other news, I've been under the dreaded 200 lb mark for 3 weeks now.  I didn't see any downward motion this past week because of poor eating, but I wasn't totally in control of my own schedule so at least I can understand what was happening. Today I am back in control, at least until Wednesday night, and then we'll be heading to Tampa for the NCAA tournament. Eating out is going to present a challenge, but I think I'm ready for it. I have successfully navigated the Cheesecake Factory's menu and the Greene Turtle's menu, so we'll see if I can apply that forward.

I'm currently also stressed to the max and suffering from what I consider to be a really silly dilemma.  I don't know why this is bothering me so much, but it is.  A few weeks ago we decided to go to the auto show, mainly for exercise.  Well, I fell in love (like the romantic, head over heels kind) with the new Subaru Outbacks.  We are soul mates (haha.)  I dismissed the idea because as much as I love the car, I don't love the price tag.  Well, we got an email from our Subaru dealer, and long story short, I found out the trade in value on my paid off Subaru is nearly $10K.  That would make my precious Outback be totally affordable, as in $50/month more than what I was paying on my small car.  Here's my dilemma:  there isn't anything really wrong with my car.  It is an '06 with 65K miles on it.  However, since it is so small, we never drive it anywhere, and take Peter's Forrester everywhere.  His poor truck is an '09 and we've already put 60K on it!  I know if we had a second, normal sized car, we would use the two vehicles more equally, thus possibly extending the life of the truck. (Keep in mind that we commute together, so on any given day one vehicle is either parked at home or parked at the train station 2 miles from home.)  Ugh.  What should I do? What would you do?  I feel guilty buying a car I don't need.

Although, now that I think about it

41 - or 42 after this one - posts this year is actually behind our average for last year. LAST year we averaged 27.83 posts per month. This year, so far, we are only averaging about 16.8 per month. And that is including a new person.

We need to challege ourselves to post TWICE a week - instead of the (sporadic) once a week we have all been doing.

So - Tuesdays (of course) and then one other day. Or two on Tuesday if that is what works for you.

AND - we need to start reading the blog daily again. So - remember last year the challenge was if you got on the blog and there was no new post since the last time you were on you HAVE to post something? Let's do that again...

my weight

UGG!!  My weight is a touchy topic for me.  I HATE the number that appears on the scale each day.  I'm going to tell you ladies the number BUT I NEVER TELL THE NUMBER to anyone.  It is 230 as of last Tuesday...I'll feel much better when my number is below 200.  note: I was 243 on January 1, 2011

My weight history...
When I was a little girl I was skinny VERY skinny!  When I was in high school, I weighed about 90#.  When I graduated from College, 2000 I weighed about 120#.  Then a dear friend died and I went up to 190#.  I crash dieted and got down to 140#...this was a comfortable weight and I maintained it until I got married/had a baby in 2003.  During my pregnancy with my dearest Mason I ballooned up to almost 300# so embarrassing.  By his first birthday I was back down to 160...CRAZY!  Up and Down and Up and Down!!!  After boy baby 2 - Dominic, I'd gained 50# and lost that.  Then gradually I gained and gained until about 220# which I maintained until baby #3.  This time I only gained about 40# but started MUCH LARGER than before.  I had my little girl, Olivia, August 25th, 2010.

So now I have alot of work to do.  To lose it for good, I know I need to lose it slowly...the only problem with losing it slowly is that you can lose sight of the goal b/c it seems so overwhelming.  I need to follow my own advice and make some smaller goals and mark my achievements there.  I know it will happen it will just be a matter of time.

I will weigh in tomorrow and see if I can finally get out of the 230s...please please please

Interesting...

I like it that under this new format it shows how many posts we have done for the year. 2009 really sucked for us! Seriously? I mean - 119 posts in a YEAR!?!! We are doing much better this year. We are up to 40 so far - but we really have to step it up if we want to beat our peak in 2005.

A New Look

After 49 years of the same dull colors on our blog Emily gave permission to change it. What fun!! Most of us have admin rights (all of us maybe?), so feel free to change the look that I put in place. Only I really like it - so wait a week or two before you change it, if you please. 8-)

Anyway, My "no excuses" lent is going fairly well - only Sundays are our OFF days - so I only had three days of exercise until it was a time out. Actually after yesterday Katie and I decided to change our off days to Saturday. We are both more motivated to move on Sundays than we are on Saturdays. I ended up doing my lower body work out on Saturday at 12:14 am. It was actually 11:14pm, but I changed the clocks before I worked out. This actually hurt my lower back more than my legs! My legs aren't bad because of my yoga work - but you hold your body VERY differently for weight training than you do for yoga and so it kind of HURT - in not a good way. I will need to work on that more.

Food has been OK. I ordered pizza last night. I SWEAR I ordered the thin crust, only it came with hand tossed - so it was very bready. OTOH, I didn't eat as much of it because of that.

Hi!

I would say this new "April" started around February 1, 2011. 

My Goals?? 

• Get back into my size 10 pants
• Get down to 150lbs
• Enjoy a healthy self esteem as an example for my beautiful baby girl
• Run a 5K
• (maybe) participate in a triathlon
• Continue a healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life

How have I gotten started??
The first week in February I did 5 days of a "cleanse"...part of the Suddenly Slim program, I cut out most carbohydrates and seriously cut my daily intake of calories.  I lost 6lbs during these few days and I know most of it was water...the purpose was more for me to jump start my motivation then to actually lose weight.  IT WORKED!  The next week I was introduced to the Green Monster.  This alone has attributed to a huge increase in energy for me!  My Green Monster is a combination of unsweetened vanilla almond milk, blueberries, banana and about 2 cups of spinach...blended to perfection!!!  I have a green monster EVERY morning!  In addition to the Green Monster I have adjusted my eating drastically.  If I'm being honest...I had an awful diet before I made this commitment to myself.  I would think nothing of eating fast food and could probably eat a whole pizza without even thinking about it.  The worst part is that I was a closet eater.  I never serve this crap to my family so why am I eating it myself??  In addition to that...I was a couch potato!  I have 3 beautiful healthy babies (6 - Mason, 4 - Dominic and 6 months - Olivia) and I want them to have a healthy happy Mommy...not the grumpy, lazy Mommy!

This time I'm not "dieting" per say.  I've changed the way I look at and think about food.  I eat when I'm hungry, only whole grains, fruit, veggies and lean proteins.  I eat about 5 small meals a day and most of them before 5pm.  I try not to eat at night.  I drink a TON of water and I DON'T deprive myself.  If there is something I want to enjoy, I do (in moderation).  I LOVE FOOD.  This is part of my problem...I'm not partial or picky at all!  I love pretty much EVERY FOOD THAT GOD CREATED!  The great news is that although I've always raised my kids will healthy habits, this new way of cooking and shopping just reinforces it.     

Next step after changing my food was to think about getting active.  This is when I decided to join an aerobics class with Bel Air Rec.  We meet Tuesday and Thursday for a hour.  This was my foray into exercise.  After 3 C-Sections...my muscles are seriously out of shape.  The aerobics class was just enough to get me started.  March 2nd...I decided to start C25K (Couch to 5K).  This is a walking/running program that can train you to go from...no exercise to running a 5K in just 2 months.  This has worked for alot of people really close to me.  I've planned to participate in a 5K in the beginning of June with my husband and his family.  We shall see how this goes...I don't like to over promise to anyone, including myself. 

So TODAY...
Yesterday I completed day 7 of C25K and since it was Ash Wednesday...I decided to give up meat for lent and see how the vegetarian lifestyle treats me.  To date...I have lost 13lbs and 6 inches but I've gained ALOT MORE.  In addition to the energy I mentioned, I'm happier, I'm a better mom, I have a better marriage, and just feel better then I have in 11 years.

more about me later...
Thanks for including me :)

New Member

I would like to invite someone new into our Losers group. April - coworker at TESSCO - has begun her journey to a new healthy lifestyle. She started HealthBeat at TESSCO - which is a great weekly program for people at TESSCO to learn a healthier way of living. I will let her introduce herself and tell her own story once we get her online with us. But first, I have to call Emily to find out how to do that...

Tuesday again already?

I missed weighing myself last Tuesday because we were in Maryland, and today we're in Alabama, so again I'm not in a position to weigh myself. Last Wednesday my weight was at 146, and I was good about dieting for the next couple of days and saw 144 before I got lazy again. It's appalling how little enthusiasm I have for watching what I eat these days.

I'm going to keep a traditional Lent this year -- no meat, no eggs, no dairy. Which isn't quite the same as vegan, because it still allows seafood. I've never attempted this before and I may get very tired of tuna sandwiches and bean and rice burritos with no cheese or sour cream. I also have some whole wheat dough in the fridge that was made with a cup or so of milk -- is it cheating to bake this and use it up when I get back? I hate to waste three loaves' worth of dough but it won't keep. Maybe I'll bake the loaves and freeze them, then start again with dairy-free dough.

I'm also going to stick to whole-grain everything during Lent, but not really because of Lent -- it's a change I've been trying to make anyway and Lent is just a good time to start. I fully expect to go back to meat and dairy after Lent, but I'd like to eliminate white flour entirely (except for birthday cakes and Christmas cookies, of course -- one has to have standards!).

I've had occasional exercise over the past two weeks, and I was looking forward to running while we were in Alabamaville, but with my running shoes (and, more importantly, my running bra -- I can get running shoes anywhere or even where my cross-trainers in a pinch, but my regular bra would cause serious pain if I tried to run) in my suitcase at home, that's not going to happen. I did get out for a walk yesterday (a short one) and I'll aim for more of that this week.

Six more weeks

I'm halfway into my "lose ten pounds or Sarah Palin gets my money" challenge and my weight today was 147.2. That's a shameful three pounds lost in six weeks, so clearly I need to step up my efforts. I think a good first step is to not accept any more invitations to eat out anywhere, ever. Restaurants, other people's homes--both are very bad for my diet! I only tracked my eating for a few days this week and then stopped. Meals like the one we had at Eric and Donna's place on Saturday make me give up entirely--how to track that much food? And would I want to see the stark numbers anyway?

So I have six more weeks and seven more pounds to go. This is do-able, of course, but it won't be easy. In my favor: better weather means more opportunities and motivation to exercise, and the start of Lent means I can use the season as an excuse to cut back on eating, and might even be able to convince Brian (who controls the shopping and cooking these days) to help me out! I don't think I could go for an "every day is Ash Wednesday" eating plan, but going back to a quasi-South Beach diet would help.

After, of course, having pancakes and bacon for dinner tonight.

Makes you wonder...

I was totally prepared this morning to see a HORRIBLE weight after the eating we did at Eric's on Saturday. However, I was down about a pound and a half from last week! Go figure. However, I couldn't help but wonder what my weight would have been had I NOT eaten like a greedy pig dog Saturday night. OTOH, I spent a good chunk of Sunday in the bathroom with my version of the stomach bug. I also didn't eat much of anything yesterday either... so maybe it isn't so surprising.

Well - today is my favorite holiday.. FAT TUESDAY! Pancake day! Katie and I have had the tradition of going out to IHOP for dinner on Fat Tuesday pretty much ever since she moved in with me. Now, I have converted my coworkers to the wonders of Pancake Day. They have all been talking about going out for a pancake lunch today for two weeks now. Luckily, we will be going to Bob Evans rather than IHOP for lunch. I don't think even I could do two meals in one day at IHOP, and that really IS a Katie and Amy tradition.

Luckily weigh in day is TODAY and not tomorrow.

Luckily tomorrow is a fast day!

Starting on Thursday I will be doing Body for Life for Lent. It is actually a 12 week plan - and Lent is only six weeks... but I want to see how I do for the six weeks before I commit to all 12 weeks. The last time I did this - ten years ago! - I did pretty well on it. The main feature of it is eating every three hours a carb AND a protein and then exercising 6 days a week, alternating cardio, upper body work and lower body work. The problem is that I can't find my book. I bought the new book - Body for Life for Women - but it doesn't seem as comprehensive as the original book.

Me, two weeks later.

No, I didn't forget to post last week. I just chose not to post last week. After having spent the entire weekend eating everything in sight (Amy's party, lunch and dinner out on Saturday, breakfast at the B&B followed by brunch with friend) it was no surprise, really, that my weight on Tuesday was 150.2, and because of that no surprise, really, that I didn't post that bit of information. It kills me, though, that you can diet and diet and diet for weeks and lose tiny amounts of weight each week and then three days of overindulgence undoes all of that.

But today my weight is 147.4, which I see is a pound down from when I LAST posted two weeks ago, so I can report that with no shame. And the weekend of overindulgence was totally worth it.

Since last week not only have I been back to my calorie counting diet, but I'm back to exercising--treadmill run/walk on Friday, outside five mile run/walk on Saturday, ten mile bike ride Sunday, and a forced two mile march in the rain to the library last night. That was Connor dragging me out the door when I was still eating dinner and making me go to his favorite place. He's feeling much better these days and is back to his old antics. We expect he'll remember his favorite hangout spot on the roof of the addition any day now. I had forgotten, over the past year of sleeplessness and crankiness and generally not feeling well, how funny and energetic he could be.

That's the good news. The bad news is a lot of this is made possible by Brian being unemployed again, so I no longer have to pick Connor up from school any more, so I can go to the gym at lunch and leave work on time each day. Sigh.

I love my medicine!!!

I am in love with my Lexapro. Not in love like you have to cart me off to NA - but in love to the point where I wish I had started it five years ago! I am ENJOYING things again. Stupid things - like reading in bed and sleeping. I know it may be insensitive to talk about sleeping on a board where Sarah will read about it... but seriously! I forgot how much I used to like just to hunker down into bed and sleep. So much so that yesterday when I got to work I was wondering how soon I could leave to go home to sleep. I haven't been overly tired really (although I have noticed that I have been going to bed earlier and sleeping slightly later in the mornings when I can). I think I am just more relaxed now and so I am more comfortable when I do go to bed. I also think it is much easier for me to unwind at night so I do fall asleep more effectively.

The other thing that I have noticed different about me is that I am hungry. I don't know yet if this is a good thing or a bad thing. BUT - I have been eating lunch at lunch time and the healthy (not candy bars and cheetos from the vending machines) snacks that I have packed throughout the day. BUT, and this is the good thing, I haven't been doing the eating until it is all gone and then some thing. I don't know if I am eating more slowly, but I have noticed that I will stop when I don't want any more. I usually notice this AFTER I have stopped. This may sound stupid - but, for example, Katie and I have a box of gourmet truffels that I got on VD. It has 24 in it. We have been eating one per day. The last time I had these truffels, I finished off my half in about two days - and then started in on Katies. Back to the enjoying thing again. I can enjoy one without feeling the whole "if that one was so good maybe six more will be even better!" (which BTW, is borderline self medicating addictive behavior - "more will make me feel better" Thank goodness I only did that with food and craft supplies and not drugs and alcohol!).

My weight was about a pound up from last week's doctor office weight... But that is still down about two pounds from what I had been seeing. For right now I am trying to get back into the habit of packing healthy, complete lunches, and eating regularly at home too. Katie and I are doing Let's Dish tomorrow evening - Thank Goodness!! We haven't had dinner food for a few weeks now. My plan still is to do Body For Life over lent. Sarah? Do you and Brian still have my book? I can't find it - and I honestly don't remember if I ever got it back from you. I will keep looking - but it has been almost a decade since we did it last.

Another boring Tuesday post

It's Tuesday, so I'm posting. 144 this morning. I exercised not at all after Tuesday until Sunday, when I went for a 23.66-mile bike ride. It was actually a really good ride -- the slopes never got worse than 4% (and when I hit that, I knew, but it was only a short uphill, relatively speaking, so I managed to stay on the bike) and the weather was mostly good (it was threatening rain, but I never felt more than two drops). But the road I chose for my turnaround (long ride out, long ride by a different route back) to allow me the gentle uphill return instead of the knock-me-flat return turned out to be gravel. It would have been perfect on the right sort of bike -- very secluded (and I won't say I didn't get the Deliverance theme in my head! I need to find a riding partner) and shady, all along a dry creek bed, but I couldn't go faster than about 8-10 mph the whole way, and that was only when I caught some less-graveled bits. I couldn't load a map on my phone from where I was so I couldn't find an alternate route when I realized it was gravel, and looking at the map after the fact I'm not sure there really IS an alternate non-gravel route anyway. So I'm not sure what to do about that.

Remarkably, as of yesterday my tired legs were already recovered and painless (not so much my sit bones, though!) so I went to the gym for 45 minutes on the elliptical. Today I have another gym appointment, and then (again) nothing the rest of the week. Daniel is on a no-excuses exercise plan right now (he won't allow himself a drink at night unless he has worked out) and has only missed one day in two weeks (Tuesdays are awful for him) so I'm going to try to keep up with him on that. I wish I could get out on bike rides around town on weekdays -- up and down the Huckleberry would be perfect for a mid-week ride! But I don't like to get five or six miles from home when the kids are unsupervised and there's no one to rescue me from bike troubles. So I'm going to have to get back to what I did during the late spring and early fall, and do my school day exercise on busy days as runs in a loop close to the house. Dull. But effective.

Website to share

April just forwarded me this website. Green Lite Bites. She has some great (and beautiful!) recipes. Check it out.

I think this is one of the few birthdays I have ever had that does NOT fall within lent. I know that isn't true (I don't think) but it seems to me that often it IS Lent. You know how most people check to see what day their birthday falls on at the beginning of the year? I check to see when Ash Wednesday is in relation to my birthday. Anyway - no lent, birthday on a Friday. We are going to California Pizza Kitchen for my work lunch. I am not sure what I am going to get yet... Maybe the pear and gorgonzola pizza (which BTW is lent friendly)...

My ear infection yesterday afternoon hit the shooting pain stage of things. I was also back to feeling dizzy - although not as extremely so. It is feeling better today. I hope that lasts because I took my last dose of advil yesterday and forgot to reload today.

Anyway, I got weighed at the doctor's office on Tuesday (after not being able to balance on my OWN scale Tuesday morning...). I was wearing jeans and had eaten breakfast, but I was almost five pounds lighter than I was at my LAST doctor's office weigh-in on 1/19. That visit I was wearing yoga pants and I don't believe I had eaten much of anything... Five pounds, in case anyone is wondering, is not an unusual variance for me just from day to day, so it probably means nothing. However, ever since I have been taking the lexapro I have noticed that I have bouts of night sweats almost every night - so maybe I am melting away some of my excess 100 pounds. I also have been consistanly going to bed much earlier. I take my pill at about 9:30 and usually turning off my light to sleep at about 10:30. For the first time in my life I am not able to power through that sleepy phase I hit around 10pm. AND, I don't seem to mind at all that I am only getting a few hours of down (non work) time each day. I will be interested in seeing what I weigh on March 15h...

Partial Post

I'll have to try to remember to weigh myself tomorrow. I had an offsite meeting on Monday so I was off schedule, so today was my Monday in the office. That always screws me up.

We started doing exercises with kettle balls this weekend. Wow--what a great workout! Peter made us a "ball" out of some free weights we had lying around the house and about $10 worth of precut pipe from the plumbing section at Home Depot. We did 4 different exercises and I can really feel the muscles I was working today. I could also feel them last night; my sides are a mess. The best part was that it didn't take an hour to complete the exercises, and my heart rate was definitely up. The one exercise has you doing a controlled swing from between your feet to out in front of you, and that one really made my muscles work to control it.

I'm taking tonight as a kettle ball rest night, and then I'll repeat the exercises tomorrow night.

Why am I even bothering to post?

I have nothing interesting to say. My weight was 145 today -- up a pound from where it's been this week but not surprising given the way I've been eating, which is very much like Sarah, only probably with more than 300 calories over on any given day. It's to my advantage that the snacking I've been doing today is candy hearts: nutritionally toxic but not nearly so caloric as chocolate.

It's been a terrible exercise week; I got to the gym last Tuesday and I'm pretty sure that was the last real exercise until today, a week later (though my step count was over 9,000 on Sunday and over 7,000 on Saturday, which is pretty good for a non-exercise day for me). We had gorgeous weather (though windy) on Sunday and Monday, but Cecilia was sick on Sunday, and not well enough for childcare at the gym by Monday. Yesterday I passed out in mid-afternoon for no good reason -- Daniel came home quite early so he could let me go out for a bike ride, and I was dead to the world. I'd had a good night's sleep, but towards the end of the school day I suddenly couldn't keep my eyes open. I thought just the act of going upstairs to lie down would wake me up, but it didn't. So I missed the chance for a nice long ride. Phooey.

There is no chance for exercise tomorrow (Alexander's birthday, which we're trying to squeeze in among Mary's piano lesson, Mary's art lesson, Cub Scouts, and middle school youth group) and Thursday is unlikely as well. Friday is right out. Daniel's parents are here this weekend but I might find a minute to sneak out on Sunday. Sigh.

Tuesday weight gain

Not a gain from last week, fortunately. But all this weekend I was in the 146 range, then up to 147.2 yesterday, and then today, the day it counts, I'm up to 148.4. Of course! On the other hand, if my high for the week is on weigh-in day and it's still lower than the previous week, then I guess I'm doing o.k.

Not much new to report. I ate way too much over the weekend, and particularly yesterday, so the weight gain is no surprise. Over the weekend I countered the overeating (and really it was overeating by just 300 calories a day, so not fatal) with activity--a five mile walk on Saturday and, well, lots of cleaning and vacuuming on Sunday (I was hoping for another walk, but Claire had other ideas). Yesterday, not so much--I ate a big (for me) breakfast, ate conversation hearts all day, then had a big dinner by any standards, then finished up the day with a spicy mocha from Caribou (thanks, Katie!). Today I'm back to being good, at least until I get home and am faced with the leftover Valentine's candy.

Losing weight by diet alone

I'm interrupting my normal once-a-week postings (remember back when we pretty much all posted daily?) for this imporant whine:

While I know it's possible to lose weight by diet alone, it really, really, really sucks and I don't know why anyone would choose this approach.

It's what I've been trying for a mere two weeks, and while I've so far been successful (of course my weight went back down to 148.4 after weigh-in day this week; today, alarmingly, I was 146 but I KNOW that's wrong, but let's assume that in two weeks I've lost two or slightly more pounds) I find myself longingly reading restaurant menus online, and drooling over pictures of food in magazines.

It was quite depressing when I realized this week that the Daily Plate still had my age at 40 and my weight at 150. When I upped my age to 42, lowered my weight a bit, and checked "sedentary" as my activity level (which by their definition I am--seated in an office most of the day; at home I'm as often as not sitting and reading or surfing the internet. I wish there was a step between sedentary and light activity--about half of my time at home is doing light activity) my allowed calories for the day, based on wanting to lose 1.5 pounds a week, was something like 956 calories! That was a 200 calorie drop (and could explain why I've lost just one pound a week instead of 1.5--their calculators seem to be pretty accurate for me). Rather than agree to that reduction (seriously, taking in under 1000 calories strikes me as a bad idea--how on earth would you get all the nutrients you need?), I lowered my weight loss goals to one pound a week. I've also been pretty good about doing some type of strength training exercise each day--upper body free weight stuff, or pilates-type core exercises--but while that's nice to do, it really doesn't take long or burn too much (woo hoo! I burned 45 calories in ten minutes!).

So that's my whine for today. I'm really looking forward to the thaw we're supposed to get over the next week--hoping I can get outside and exercise after work a couple of days so that I can burn some fat and stop starving myself!

Back on track

Sort of! I am back to exercising more often. I have gone to the gym the past two Mondays and each week I schedule the next week's workout, so that's one good spot each week. On Tuesdays I have figured out that I can get an appointment as soon as they open in the afternoons and still JUST finish in time to pick up the big kids after band. From there on the week gets complicated, but last Wednesday I managed a very short bike ride and this week I'll have time as well; starting next week I'll have to take Mary to art class after school, but if I am changed and ready to go when I pick her up, I can cram a short ride or run in on decent weather days after art class. Thursdays I might be able to get to the gym, if we don't want a complicated dinner and I can be home by 5:30 so I can get everybody out the door to scouts and me to choir practice. Last week I just ditched exercise on Thursday. And on Fridays it will just be a 25 minute walk downtown, as it has been in the past, but it's still something. With the new bike I have a new source of guilt to get me out of the house for at least ONE long ride on the weekends. I won't consider the bike earned until I've ridden at least 2000 miles on it -- so that may take a couple of years at a minimum!

Last week my first ride felt pretty good, but it was on the Huckleberry Trail, which was covered with debris and busy with people running, so I couldn't get going very fast. And I couldn't go far, since the kids were unsupervised at home (with a friend, no less!). And then I managed to knock the computer off my bike and send it flying, and it took me 10 minutes to track it down. So it wasn't great exercise. On Sunday, however, the ride was VERY serious exercise, but it felt terrible. The first two or three miles were great, because they were entirely downhill -- often very fast. But I knew, halfway down, that I was doomed on the return trip. It was a brutal uphill climb, 7 or 8% at times, and 6.2% on average, according to the map! I thought my heart was going to explode. I had to walk half of it, and that took forever. I've mapped out a much longer ride that has a much less steep return, though the road is long and winding, so I'm worried about that.

Anyway, my weight oscillated between 145 and 145.5 all week -- I seldom see it so consistent. Today it obligingly dropped to 143.5 despite the glass of wine with dinner and my attempt to polish off the remaining cheesecake in the fridge (it's been there since New Year's and I'm the only one who understands how important progress is on defeating cheesecakes -- only one slice left!). In short, no real progress, but at least I'm feeling slightly less blobby.

Mooovin' on...down?

So I've been dappling in the 4 hour Body for two weeks now, and I am down 5 lbs and 6.5 inches; nearly 10 total pounds since my highest weight struck back in mid-December. My pants are fitting better and I am feeling SO much better. No more mid-afternoon burn outs, no more snacking at night, and I have been sleeping so much better. It is amazing what protein does for the body; I was totally taking in too many carbs and extra sugar and not enough protein. And I've been drinking so much water and it also feels good to be hydrated. I consume 3-4L per day of plain water, then sometimes a cup of tea if my office is freezing and maybe a soda. I've pretty much eliminated the soda without even noticing; now it is mostly a treat. I've also probably eaten more beans in the last two weeks than in my entire life to date. And the weird thing, I was SO worried about having horrible gas, but when you take the extra sugars and starches out of the equation, that isn't an issue at all. Sugar really is the root of all evil. Just think if the American Indians hadn't taken it from the Europeans...this country would be a different place! LOL.

This is the first diet plan like this I have tried, and I really like it I think because I FEEL so different. I'm not hungry, I'm not tired, I think I might actually be thinking more clearly because of not being hungry and not being tired, and the built in cheat day each week means you never really give something up, you just defer it to the appropriate day. I'm usually not one for these types of diets, but this one is different for me, and thank goodness, it is also working.

I went for another swimming lesson last night. I am a terrible, TERRIBLE swimmer. I lack coordination, and I just can't remember all the stuff the lady tells me to do. I'm pretty sure she thinks I am incapable of following directions. Then last night she made me do these drills where you don't kick and just use your arms to move through the water, and I felt like I was flailing in the water. It was AWFUL. I have no upper body strength, I have no coordination and then I guess maybe from breaking my right arm multiple times, it just has difficulty following the directions my brain sends it. I can only imagine what it looked like.

Harry kept me up most of last night; his toe scabbed up and I think it was itching to the point he was borderline insane, which I can certainly relate to. Even though he has his cone of shame on, he somehow managed to tear the scab. At least it didn't bleed or anything. I have to call the vet today to see if there is anything to do for him.

Not fair!

So I've been carefully counting calories this week and seeing results--the past three days my weight has been 148.6, 148.4, and 148.4 (with a brief flash onto 148.2 before settling on the higher weight).

You know what my weight was today? 149.8!!! Sheesh. I also had to struggle to put my ring on, so I'm pretty sure it's water retention, but it's still frustrating after seeing those better weights all week. I guess at least I should be happy to be back under 150 (if barely).

Wednesday weight

I didn't get my weight yesterday--mornings these days are entirely theoretical things. Connor wakes up and goes to sleep at such odd and inconsistent times that my whole morning routine is off. Where I used to jump out of bed at the alarm, go to the bathroom and weigh myself, now I drag myself out of bed sometimes when Brian tells me it's my turn to take care of Connor, ushering in the morning at the entirely unreasonable hour of 3 or 4 a.m., and sometimes when my phone alarm goes off from the pocket of my robe (I put it there and then wear my robe all night so I don't have to remember to take the phone with me when I switch beds in the night). Those mornings are especially discombobulating because I first have to figure out which bed I'm in and get my bearings before getting up. Add a bunch of snow days to that and it gets even more confusing--my first order of business is to check my email for closings and delays. In any event, I no longer follow my normal morning routine so forgetting to weigh myself on Tuesday isn't that surprising. Remember that it was Tuesday at all WOULD be surprising.

So my weight today was 150.4. At least I'm consistent, right? This is making Sarah Palin very happy, so clearly something must be done. I'm starting back today with counting calories, and making a committment to doing pilates at least three days a week. Until we work out something permanent for Connor's transportation, or until Brian is unemployed again (or better--employed second or third shift somewhere), or until Connor starts sleeping again, I can't commit to more. I think this is the worst part of my stress this past month--as much as I hate to exercise it IS a good stress reliever and without it I've been a mess. The weight gain is only a small part of it.

Missed it by THAT much

So it's not officially Tuesday anymore, but I haven't gone to bed yet, so it's still Tuesday. I can report: my weight isn't changing dramatically (145, up from last week, but in the same range it's been all month), but I've started exercising again. 40 minutes on the (upright!) bike a the gym (man, those seats bite) yesterday and 40 minutes on the elliptical today. I couldn't work an appointment out for the rest of this week -- we have something going on at gym time every day -- but I'm going to do my best to find workout times. Rumor has it I missed a GORGEOUS day for cycling on Sunday here. No nice weather seems to be on the way again for the rest of the month, as far as I can tell. Phooey. But I set up appointments for next Monday and Tuesday at the gym, and I might even be able to swing Wednesday next week as well. Here's hoping. I'm tired of being a blob!

Ho hum

I just got into work after taking the Harry Dog for an unexpected trip to the vet. He is in surgery now having one of his toe nails removed. I had to cover 2 classes last night at CCBC, so my friend let Harry out to pee around 6:30-7ish. When I got home he was acting weird, but I fed him and made him go outside again. As I was making dinner and he was continuing to act weird, I discovered the understandable source of the weirdness--he had a toe nail on his back paw bent at a 90 degree angle from what it should normally be. He must have fallen on the ice, as I can't come up with another explanation. It was bleeding just a little bit, so I made the decision to wait to see his regular vet rather than pay the 3x mark up at the emergency vet. Using Peter's awesome people paramedic skills, we cleaned it up and wrapped it, then got him in first thing this morning to see the vet. Poor dog. I feel terrible. The vet has to cut the toe nail off at the base, so cut THROUGH the quick. Ow. Which is why he has to be sedated. Plus she wanted to see where the damage originated, so it might involve more than just that, but let's hope not. Poor dog. I feel terrible. And yes, I know I already said that.

I'm down about 4 lbs from last week. After Peter and I did the Bod Pod assessment 2 Thursdays ago, we started a diet plan the next day. After one week I'm down 4 lbs and 1.5 inches. That's actually as of Saturday, because that is our check in day. The diet is pretty easy to stick to; I'm pretty surprised about that.

I think that's all for today. I am feeling pretty bummed about Harry, so hopefully we can pick him up in a little while from the vet and get him on the road to recovery.

Today IS Tuesday

So, I weighed the same today as last week - which was slightly higher than the week before, but by only a fraction of a pound. Actually, now that I think about it I may have been slightly lower today that last week. Regardless - it is all about the same.

I have been on my anti-anxiety medicine for about two weeks now. I don't think it is working yet. I woke up at four this morning and lay in bed worrying about my mutual fund. CLEARLY that isn't something that is fret worthy, and yet I wasted about an hour of sleep time over it!

Today is not Tuesday

I've been home with snow and sickies and not able to post because sickie #1 whammed his head so hard into the computer monitor on the laptop that the glass cracked (seriously, they are going to send APS - Apple Protective Service - after us and put our computer in foster care), and the desktop is so clunky that it won't let me on this site to post.

So here's the deal: on Tuesday I weighed 150.4, which I think is holding steady from my weight earlier this month but I can't remember. In any event, it isn't good and I need to get rid of the winter flab I've put on, but I have no idea how to find the time to exercise. I don't have lunch breaks anymore (they'll start up again when Brian's temp job ends in a few weeks) and Connor is now sleeping roughly two or three hours a night so there's no way in hell I'm getting up early to exercise, and by the time I get home at night and get everything done that needs to get done I'm too exhausted to do anything more than lay on the sofa and beg Connor to go to sleep! He's not swayed, and then he steals my blankets. He doesn't like people covered in blankets.

OTOH, if we could just keep getting 10 inches of heavy, wet snow, that would be ideal. I had a great workout shoveling out the sidewalks and cars yesterday! Nearly an hour of cardio and weight work, and I'm paying for it this morning with a sore back. Think how great my back muscles would be if I had to do that a few times a week!

But here's my plan--I need to lose ten pounds in 12 weeks, or else I'm donating $25 to Sarah Palin. I figure that'll be motivation enough to make me starve myself if necessary for the last couple of weeks to achieve that weight if it comes to that. So I have until April 19 to get down to 140.4, even if I have to put on trash bags and run on the treadmill to lose six of those pounds in water weight on April 18. I considered making the donation to someone/thing less annoying, like a charity I don't really support or someone like Mike Huckabee who scares me politically but who I think is kinda funny and engaging (at least he was on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me) but I need something REALLY motivating, so Sarah Palin it is.

143.5

I've settled right back into my low-140s range, post-Christmas. I'm glad it didn't stay permanently in the upper 140s but I know it's not going to go anywhere good if I don't get some exercise. I think this afternoon I'm going to go try to get my bike; if I wait, we'll be back into the horrible weather, so I need to jump on this one good day. But having it won't help, if the weather's no good -- I need to get back to exercising at the gym. I hate feeling flabby but I can't seem to kick my motivation back into line.

Dear Shifted Orbit:

Sorry, this was too long to fit in the comment box!

I think it’s natural for anyone, when faced with a new situation in their life, to seek out information from and camaradarie with people who are knowledgeable about that situation. And some situations are more unfamiliar and more all-consuming than others, plus some *people* are more apt to completely throw themselves into their new situation than others (think of bridezillas—some people, when they are planning a wedding, don’t get all hyper-focused on the details of the wedding and some people throw themselves into the planning like it’s an Everest expedition.).

Pregnancy is one of those situations, and I think it’s more likely to be all-consuming, even for generally reasonable people, than most things. First of all, you want to make damn sure you don’t do anything to screw it up because this is another person’s life you’re talking about, plus biologically your body makes sure this is not something you can forget for even a minute—you spend your first trimester feeling vaguely ill and unbearably sleepy ALL THE TIME, then someone starts kicking you from inside, then the third trimester is really odd because not only is your body taken over, which you’ve gotten used to by then, but your brain is too—it’s nearly impossible to focus on anything for more than a few minutes. And all the while, you’re also doing the equivalent of planning a wedding—rearranging your life and home so a baby can fit into it (making a decision about work, finding childcare, getting a bedroom ready, figuring out how you’re going to add the equivalent of a second mortgage into your monthly budget, etc.).

Think about life decisions that you’ve made that you knew would have a big impact on you—these are things you probably didn’t make a snap decision on, and they probably DID affect how you interacted with people (and who you interacted with). Even something like getting a dog—I’m sure there are some people who see a cute dog in a store and go in and buy it without thinking for a second what they are getting themselves into (these people are also the ones that tend to turn their puppies in to the rescue organizations after a while) but most people, and all reasonable people, are going to seek out information, so they will start talking to people who own dogs to find out about different breeds, and how to crate train, and how to find a good vet, and how much does it really cost, etc. And then they get a dog and spend months having to run home at lunch to let it out of the crate, and they take time off of work for vet visits, and they have less time in their days for other activities because they have to budget time for walking and grooming, and even have to get up earlier each day to feed the dog and let him outside for a while.

Switch that dog to a baby and you’ve got some idea of what’s going on with your friend—a baby is like a dog multiplied 100 times. Right now she’s in the information gathering phase so she’s seeking out people with the information she needs. And to make matters worse, pregnancy and childbirth are one of those topics of conversation that is just lots of fun to indulge in for people who have been through it or are planning to go through it. But it’s insanely boring for just about anyone else.

To give another analogy—say you, I, Amy, Katie, and Emily are sitting around talking and Katie asks about Ireland because she’s planning to honeymoon there. You and I and Amy have all been there and will be more than happy to go on at greath length not just giving advice but also just generally reminiscing, pulling out photos, and comparing notes. Emily has never been to Ireland and may want to go at some point, or maybe not, but in either case she doesn’t have a lot to add to the conversation so she’s going to feel left out and bored. Is the knowledge that she’s feeling left out going to stop our conversation? Eh, maybe. But if it does at that point, out of sensitivity to her feelings (maybe we know she really, really wants to go but her husband loathes the Irish so it’s a particularly sensitive topic. Daniel is kind of oddly controlling that way), we will probably find many opportunities when Emily isn’t around to talk about Ireland.

In addition to being all-consuming, and important (as in you don’t want to screw up), AND fun to talk about, it’s also a sensitive topic for many people and everyone knows that. When you get pregnant, you are happy and excited (one hopes) but you don’t want to hurt the feelings of people who you know might want to get pregnant but can’t for whatever reason or who recently had a miscarriage, so you are careful to limit your discussions, whenever possible, to people who you know will be receptive to the topic. If you include other people, it means you run the risk of both boring them and making them feel bad.

So this leaves you where you are—feeling bad anyway BECAUSE you are being excluded, which, of course, is also natural. Wait, what was the question again? Oh yeah, you want to know if this means that you’re out. Well, yes, but probably not permanently. If your friendship is based on real compatibility of personalities, it’ll live through this phase. Your friend sounds like she’s the sort of person who relies on other people for advice and support (I tend to rely more on fake people who live in my computer) and she needs advice and support on her pregnancy, so she’s getting it from people who can offer it. Depending on her personality (babyzilla(?) or not) her current hyper-focus might stick around forever (the boring SuperProfessionalMom sort who only identify themselves through their role as a mom and tend to lose sight of who they were before. I wonder what happens to these people when their kids leave home. Are they the sort of controlling mothers-in-law that you hear about?) or go away when she gets more balance in her life. But it’s very, very hard to maintain that balance during pregnancy and with a new infant (see the bit about all-consuming), so it may be a while. Be patient.

Your other question was how to deal with being the only one without offspring. This is part of a broader question that I think everyone deals with at some point in their lives—feeling like they are the only ones dealing with whatever situation they are dealing with, and it’s harder when it’s a Big Thing (instead of a silly thing, like being the only redhead in a classroom, or being the only Steelers fan in an office full of Ravens fans). I deal with this all the time with Connor and his issues. Now, obviously, I’m not the only mother of a kid with autism (although I guess it’s possible that I’m the only mother of a kid with autism and hyper-IgM syndrome, but I don’t know that), but among the people I talk to and interact with on a daily basis, none of them have kids with any serious disability. And it’s hard. I know people don’t mean to be hurtful when they talk about where their kids want to go to college or what they want to be when they grow up—these are normal conversations about normal kids and it’s not their fault that my child isn’t normal. And I know they don’t mean to exclude us when they plan activities that just would be torture with Connor. But logic and emotion rarely interact well. It’s at those times when I try to remember what a very wise man once told, well, not me but a whole crowd of people: you can’t control the things that happen to you. You can only control your response. My response, in this case, could be to try to surround myself with people with similar experiences—I could get a job with Kennedy Krieger and start going to the Autism Society support group meetings. Or I could try to make the people feel bad for bringing up the sensitive topic of what their kid wants to be when he grows up (“when he grows up he’ll probably live in a group home and not do much of anything. Remember when you wished your child could stay young forever? This is what it looks like. You think it’s such a good idea now?”). Or I could be realistic, understand that I live in the real world where I can’t hide myself from other people just because I’m not like them, and that most people are generally good and well meaning and understanding, and that I can’t change who Connor is and I have to live with that and not rail against it. Sometimes that means I can respond with humor (“as far as I know when he grows up he wants to be naked”), but mostly it means that I just let a lot of “normal” bypass me without too much input from me and without many hard feelings. I’ve got a lot of good stuff in my life (admittedly not this week) so I try not to get bogged down in the not-good stuff.

And you could do the same thing—you can respond by starting to hang around more with people without offspring, or be snide and constantly remind them of how much more free and easy your life is without kids (plus, no college to pay for!), or just keep doing what you’re doing—being flexible and understanding so that you are still good friends with these people in 10 or 15 years when their kids are teenagers and don’t have to be cared for as heavily as they do now so these friends can get their lives back! That’s the other thing about kids—while having them is all-consuming, the heavy work really is pretty temporary in the grand scheme of things.

Mixed up week

I had off Monday, so Tuesday was Monday, then before I knew it it was Thursday, which is really Wednesday, which means I'm technically only a day late. Right????

Peter and I are going tonight to get measured using a Bod Pod. I am pretty sure it will say I am 92.7% body fat, like those people in Wall-E that are big piles of mush. The interesting thing is that it determines your minimum calorie needs. While I am looking forward to seeing the results, I am also dreading seeing them...I know my fatness situation. Anyways, I think once we have these numbers we'll be better equipped to structure an eating plan that works for us.

I was down another pound this week, which is decent considering I haven't yet been a gym "regular." This stupid cold is still lingering.

This is totally unrelated to our main mission here, but since you ladies are smart people I am going to run it past you, and it has been eating at me.

Dear Ann Landers, Abby, Prudie, Oprah, Dr. Phil, etc (who wants to play who!!):

All of my friends in my level 1 circle (the friends you see on a regular basis and talk to nearly every day) either have kids or are pregnant. Besides having to field the awkward "So when will you have kids?" question, as the only childless one, I am feeling really weird and somewhat excluded. My friend Amanda used to email me every day, but since she told everyone she is pregnant, she hasn't been as regular with me and has become more regular with our other friend, Amy. I used to be her go-to girl for just about everything, but I haven't been recently, not even really in passing. Does that mean I'm out? I'm trying to be realistic; I know relationships shift as people move into different phases of their lives, and I guess I am trying to figure out if that is what is happening. I think when this has happened in the past I haven't noticed it, or maybe the shift wasn't as dramatic? I'm not really sure. Or maybe I am being hypersensitive? Or all of the above? How does one deal with being the only one without offspring? I try to attend every birthday party, etc that I am invited to, participate in whatever random activity that is asked of me, and try to be as flexible as possible when we're trying to get something scheduled, even when it puts me in a really tight spot. I try to absorb everything so that they don't have to deal with it. Is it just that my circle needs to shift, just like their circle has?

Sincerely, Shifted Orbit

LOL.

Forgot to post yesterday

I started coming down with something on Saturday and by Monday it was a full-blown nasty virus with fever. I was better yesterday but still feel rotten today, and I'm still just marginally above "normal" at 98.8 -- though normal for me at this time of the month is about 97.9 to 98.2, so that's really a half-degree fever, not two-tenths, which makes a bit of a difference. But I haven't been up to any kind of exercise in the last half week. And before that Mary was sick, which made gym trips impossible; I did Walk Away the Pounds one day and an ornament fell off the tree and broke. Sigh. Irreplaceable, too -- an egg Daniel had hand-painted when he was Mary's age. My exercise life is a disaster.

My weight dropped to 142.5 yesterday as a result of the illness, but it has already recovered to 144 today. I feel so gross -- I KNOW I'm losing muscle, and I'm feeling very flabby, but there's not much I can do about it at the moment. Meanwhile Daniel is into full-blown preparations for his half marathon, which makes me even more keenly aware of my lack of energy. As soon as I stop feeling so horrid I'm going to the bike shop to get my bike, and then I'll start figuring out how to work in enough long rides to prepare for the century this fall. Having a goal, and the equipment to pursue it, will help tremendously.

I forgot to weigh in

But I did remember to put my arm band on. Although, now that I think about it it didn't make the bleepity-bleep noise when it comes on...

I slept an extra hour this morning. Sort of. I woke up just before my alarm went off at 6:30, looked out the window, then reset the alarm for 7:30. I got up at 7:23 then. I hate it when schools get to be closed and I still have to go to work! I shovelled and salted the walk (meanwhile it was still freezing raining so I was sliding all around until I got the salt down) then I chipped the ice off my car and made my way to work ALL THE WHILE Katie was snoozing away. I think if the schools are closed (and BTW, Katie gets up early to check) she should ALSO then shovel the walk and clean off my car. 8-b

Anyway, the roads were mostly fine. I drove in low gear until I got to the main roads and didn't haven any slipping issues. They were still sloppy though. Falls Road was closed at the intersection with Shawan. I am not sure why.

I hope my arm band is working b/c I actually burned a few calories with the shovelling this morning. (BTW, I "borrowed" Mike and Sam's shovel to do my walks since mine went missing - my new one is supposed to be delivered today.)

Freezing Cold and Hungry

I think it may be the cold - inside! - but I have been STARVING all day. I brought a healthy lunch with me - thai noodles with shrimp and veggies, a yogurt and... there was something else, I don't remember what. Oh - and orange, but it turned out to be bad so I threw it away. Anyway - I ate the noodles at 12:30 and the yogurt at 2pm. Then I had popcorn around 3:30, and just now a package of plain oatmeal. AND I AM STILL HUNGRY! It must be the cold because I can't get warm either.

So, I have been reading all of the online inspirational stories like this one. I find them very depressing because in so many of them they say "I cut out fast food and dramatically reduced my fried food intake. I stopped eating processed food and learned correct portion size." Blah, blah, blah! I want to be a non-inspirational story. "I stopped eating fast food eight years ago and I never ate fried foods because they make me sick. I developed reflux so badly that even a teaspoon of sugar in coffee brings it on. Portion size is easy, just buy smaller plates and containers, like I did 12 years ago. All of this and I gained a whopping 80 pounds!" I know, I know... For most people learning to eat effectively IS the key. AND - most of the people say that they started running.

There has GOT to be a solution for me!! I am going to find it! I dreamed last night that I was wearing the Body Media arm band again. I stopped after the cruise because I was getting such a a bad rash from it. Maybe I will wear it just during the days and see how I do. I also am SO tempted to try another structured diet. It has been years since i have done one. I may do a fat flush or something just to kick start me again...

Holding steady

My weight was a pound down, but it's been hovering in this same range all week. I went out for a run on Wednesday, and then had my bike fitting (with much cycling) on Thursday. Then it got cold and horrid out, and kids were sick, so I didn't get to the gym. Today I finally decided it was time to exercise at home, no matter how boring I find my tapes to be, and while I was marching in place in the living room an ornament Daniel made when he was about 10 fell off the tree and smashed into a million pieces. No good deed goes unpunished. Serves me right for not having taken down the tree this weekend when I had the chance.

Until the kiddos are more healthy, though, living room exercise is it -- or else I can go out after dinner, those days when we don't have after-dinner activities, but that's as depressing as exercise videos, and takes longer. Better workout, though.

And as long as Christmas junk food is hanging around, my eating isn't going to improve! The kids are glad to have a good set of choices for after lunch and dinner, but I'M the one who's into them in-between! At least I had the sense to move the clementines onto the counter with the junk food, so I'm snacking on them almost as much as the cookies. And I'm back to my daily almond snacks, and there's far less cheese in my diet. So I don't feel quite as gross as I did, even though I'm still flabby in my midsection.

Well I did it!

I was at home this morning and so I actually weighed myself. I don't know if any of you do this but you try to guess the number based on how you feel... Well, I guessed myself to weigh 10 pounds more than I actually did. Stress, I know, often causes weight gain - and I have been very stressed. I also have not been eating well at all. Additionally, this was the first time I weighed myself since the holidays and I was very pointedly NOT eating carefully over them. OTOH, I have been more active than normal. Not exercise active, just running around active. I also have eaten surprisingly few Christmas cookies since that first week. So - long story short - I weigh the same now as I did when I got back from the cruise, which included a weight loss of six or so pounds - so it is all good - sort of.

OTO,OH - I am getting very floppy, soggy-like. I haven't done any exercise since the walking I did on the cruise. I missed yoga for two weeks prior to Christmas. It did start up last week - and it felt GREAT to stretch and be active again. I have to miss yoga again tomorrow, and I am REALLY sad about it. Dad has a heart doctor appointment that is way more important than my yoga, so I will be taking him to that instead. I am going to have to sit down with Mom and Dad and figure out where they need to go for the next six weeks or so - until Mom can start driving again. It is possible that Dad will be able to drive again sooner than that, but it would be short sighted of us to count on that.

Katie and I are hosting the knitting bookclub next Friday night - which means we REALLY need to clean. We haven't cleaned since the LAST party we had. I am not sure when we will get to do this because neither one of us has been home for any length of time.

Foggy brain

I have had a fierce cold for the past 5 days. It has seriously impeded my ability to exercise on a number of fronts; I'm exhausted, I'm cranky and I can't breathe right. I went to the gym last Thursday, and haven't been since. I was planning to go today, but between the exhaustion and this stupid snow that just started falling, I may go into hibernation instead.

I am down another pound, so progress is slow but that is ok.

We're supposed to go to NYC this weekend, but I'm not sure that is going to happen. Between my sickness, the weather, and the fact that I think Peter is catching this cold, we may opt to stay home. That is disappointing because I was planning to walk the Brooklyn Bridge this trip, among other activities.

Fitted for an invisible bike

Well, I had my bike fitting yesterday. This was quite a complicated process -- he did a long interview asking about any athletic activities I've pursued in my life (and I totally left out five years of musical theater dance being my main exercise, though it certainly kept me thin) and any injuries I've had (I forgot about the physical therapy on my feet until later in the process), so he got my whole recent running history. He tested my range of flexibility in several directions (below average hamstrings, above average knee-to-chest (I forget what that's called), average hip rotation (much to my surprise -- I would have sworn I was below average there)) and studied how much my feet collapse. He measured my inseam but, fortunately, not much else in absolute terms. I sat on a gel board so he could see the distance between my pelvic bones (and that was a very gross-looking impression! Ick!) -- I am medium to medium-small, which means I'll probably fit the standard seat. He put sticky dots on my shoulder, hip, knee, and ankle and used a computer to measure my minimum and maximum leg extension angles and body angles and a lot of other angles while I was riding on the model bike that he'd already adjusted. He studied the way I ride -- my posture was actually not bad, though I rested my hands in a funny spot on the handlebars which told him I've been riding with them too far forward (and explains why my hands go numb after a while of riding -- it's the same numbness I get from pushups). He adjusted the handlebars on the test bike closer to me, and that fixed that; he also said I'd need a slightly narrower-than-standard set of handlebars. But I'm OK with a standard crankshaft, and the women's frames should fit just about right (when we were finished he took me over to the women's frames they had on closeout, and two of the 50cm frames measured just right). He studied what angle my foot takes when I'm pedaling (pretty good), and observed that I push my knees in a bit when I ride, though that doesn't seem to cause a lot of problems for people, and none for me so far (except grimy socks, because I hit the chain more than I should, I suspect). I spent a lot of time riding the adjustable bike, and it even had resistance on it, so I got a good workout of at least 20 minutes total -- possibly more! He discussed clipless pedals with me; I've never wanted these, because I like to be able to grab my bike and go for ordinary trips, but if I ever get an everyday bike I might consider switching my road bike over.

After two hours of bike fitting, I left empty-handed. By about 10 minutes into the process I'd figured out that that was likely. There's a lot of follow-up work to be done, so I haven't gotten the full report yet. But, as I mentioned, it does look like there will be at least a couple of relatively affordable closeout bikes that will be an option for me. One is the Pilot 2.0 WSD and the other is the Triple 1.5 WSD. (Opinions, anyone?) There may be others, and I could certainly order a bike, though it would cost more. I'll switch out the handlebars (which they'll have to order for me), but the seat should fit -- though after sitting a long time on the supposedly custom-fitted seat on the tester bike I was missing my squishy gel seat. Are the somewhat firmer new seats really supposed to be better for longer rides? (All the websites say yes.) The bike guy said I should wear padded shorts -- but, like the specialized shoes, that seems kind of stupid to me for everyday riding; why not just build the padding into the seat? I think I'm missing something. I guess my rides have never really been long enough to demonstrate the need for good saddle support. But I do plan to do this century ride this fall, so that means over the summer I'll doubtless try numerous longer rides.

Actually, I know what I'm missing -- I'm being fitted for a road bike to replace my current road bike, because I really WANT a good road bike that fits me just right. But I also wish I had a town bike (with a squishy seat). And, heck, I'd love to try some mountain biking too. I am much too greedy!

Self sabotage!

WHY do I do this??? So I was down a pound Tuesday "officially" and then down another yesterday morning...so what do I do...

Eat junk food.

I was disgusted with myself the second I did it, but that didn't stop me. Grrr. I doubt the slip will cause irreversible damage, but I really don't understand this about myself, and it is so frustrating! I mean, I was seeing progress, seeing signs of improvement, seeing signs of the coveted weight loss I am been longing for...and I did something counter to it.

I did sit down later and added up my daily calories, and I realized that even with my indiscretion I still came out on the day with a calorie deficit.

I'm headed to the gym again today after work. Woo--that will be three of three for my planned sessions this week!

Roadrunner!

My eating was marginally better today than it has been -- far less chocolate and cheese (though still SOME cheese, because my lunchtime leftover burrito and my dinnertime leftover veal both had cheese) and more fruit (clementines and bananas). But not enough water. I'm under-hydrated these days -- I need to take some suggestions from Vicki's post!

However, I DID get out and exercise today. I ran three loops close to home (the childcare room was closed when I called the gym and by the time they opened it would have meant scheduling a late appointment -- I'll try again another day). It struck me about a mile into this that this is the first time I've run outside since the marathon. Pretty sad. But I had absolutely no IT-band or femur troubles, so that's good news. Actually, that's not quite true -- I could feel some tightness in the band in my right leg, but up near my hip, and not where it used to hurt; it just needed a little stretching and it stopped bothering me immediately after that. I thought, based on my phone's GPS, that I was REALLY slow on the run, but when I got home and looked at what it thought I had run I realized it was just completely wonky in its recording -- it said I did under 2.9 miles (which seemed low, but it had been a long time since I'd done the route so I couldn't remember if a loop was just over or just under a mile) but it was really more like 3.3. So I averaged about a 10-minute pace, which is perfectly normal for me, and far better than the 11:29 it reported!

Tomorrow I have my fitting for my bike. I feel very under-educated in a bike shop -- I'm always a bit nervous going into the shop because I feel like such an idiot. Running technology is so much simpler (though not a whole lot cheaper, in the end!). You need shoes, and you buy the ones that feel best and fit best in your price range. You need whatever clothes you feel comfortable in, because when you run 6 mph or slower you really don't need streamlining. Nobody laughs at you if you continue to dress this way even after years of running, and you get other gear as the need presents itself (generally making itself obvious -- how do I hydrate on a long run? Water belt. How do I keep from bouncing? Overpriced bras. How do I keep clothes from chafing? Glide stick. And so on). But with road bikes you START by dropping hundreds of dollars on a bike, and it seems kind of foolish to do that without knowing a whole lot more about the products. I don't really know what the strengths and weaknesses of different bike brands are, and I certainly don't know one type of gear shifter or brakes from another. I did spend some time reading up on frame features the other day so at least I know the parts of a frame now. More or less. If they don't use any non-standard or specialized terms on me. And they want me to wear my bike-riding gear, which, for the past several years, has generally been jeans hiked up or tucked into my socks on the right side. So I think I will wear my newer running tights, which looked VERY awesome on me a month ago but now showcase my new, flabby gut. But at least they're kind of streamlined and are what I WOULD wear on a bike in winter if I were actually trying to ride fast and not just get to the grocery store or the gym. Actually, I'd wear these on the bike to the gym, too -- I wore my gym clothes all summer the year that we biked everywhere.

I have a chronic problem of never wanting to admit to being a neophyte at anything. This posed a real difficulty in college, when I didn't want to ask stupid questions, so when a question popped into my mind I'd read through all my books and notes before being willing to ask, by which point the lecture had long since moved onto other topics and the subject was no longer relevant (or someone else had asked the question already). I also never got good at chess even though I think I could have been, because I didn't like being bad at chess, and you have to go through being bad before you can get good. Biking is like that for me -- I'm really bad at it but don't want to admit HOW bad so that I can start getting good. Phooey.

Such a relief to read all of your posts today

What can I say? Misery loves company! I'm up to 146.5 as of this morning, a rise of about six or seven pounds since Christmas. I am feeling SO gross -- my diet has involved a very unhealthy amount of cheese and chocolate, and an almost immeasurably small amount of fruit and vegetables. Today was the last day of our vacation, though, so as of tomorrow I'm starting fresh. Daniel and I are both going to be back on track in terms of exercise, and Daniel is also with me 100% on the eating better -- not just lower in calorie, but higher in quality.

On Thursday I have my fitting for my new bike. I don't know what I'm going to get, other than that it will be a road bike, and probably at the low end of the spectrum (given that bikes at the high end cost as much as a new car). Then I actually have to get back to riding once in a while! Isn't it sad? I've always liked swimming and bicycling best, but those are the kinds of exercise I'm generally able to do least. Not this year! I'm going to cycle if it kills me!

Detox article ...

I'm feeling this article. I've been trying to pick up my water intake.

http://www.wusa9.com/rss/local_article.aspx?storyid=128972

Ms. Fatty McFatkins

Ah, it's the end of the holidays, start of a new year and I'm feeling, and probably weighing, much like Sarah. Fat. Now, I'm not calling Sarah fat, I would only say that to her face. HA No, I'm just feeling bloated and kinda ick from the holidays.

I can't say I ate that poorly but when I get off my eating routine it's just *bad.* I really avoided eating sweets but I also enjoyed a few beers. I also drove about 1,500 miles during my off week including one overnight drive. I didn't get in much exercise either.

So that's where I am. I feel like today I finally got back into the groove of work. I was kinda out of it yesterday. I'm still winding down Christmas stuff, finishing laundry and moving into the new year at a relatively slow pace.

Now it's time to turn my mind to mental and physical fitness. I want to train hard and I hope my body agrees. While snow tubing last week I went flying off the tube on a particularly fast (super fast) trail. During my mid-air flight I thought "I'm 42 years old and I'm gonna land on my fat butt on this icy slide. What am I doing?" I can say that I wasn't treated like an oldster though. The staff moved me along and picked up my hat for me. I figured if I looked older they might've voiced concern. A beer did taste delish a bit after that fall.

So I guess what I'm saying is I want to be able to flying off my tube and pop back up like a 22 year old. Hey, I can dream or at least try.

Let the torture begin ... soon.

Lacking a clever title...

I have been weighing myself fairly regularly and I have been watching the scale crawl upwards for months now. I managed to hold steady over the holidays and today I was down 1 lb from my atrocious highest-weight-ever weight, which I am fairly ashamed of and will keep to myself at least for now. Maybe when I lose a gazillion pounds I'll "reveal" the horrible number I started with.

So my exercising over my holiday break, minimal as it was, did keep me steady. And now I am hoping that my weight will start to decrease since I am into the early makings of a rhythm with going to the gym. I'm headed there again after work today, and I think I am going to add some weights to my planned workout.

I am still stressing over my teaching situation at CCBC; I had pretty much come to be ok with my decision to stop teaching, and I was working on looking forward to ways to fill my free time, but the college still hasn't replaced me. The semester starts at the end of this month. I am REALLY worried that my program director drug his feet too long to find a replacement and is going to expect me to teach this semester.

What does everyone take or make for lunch? I am so bored with my usuals. I really like taking soup, but the canned stuff is either SO salty or tastes like it came from a can. If I make soup, I get bored with having one kind multiple days in a row. Lunch needs to be reinvented.

Day of reckoning

OK, I considered not weighing myself this morning (like last week) and then considered not reporting my weight (going Amy-style and just reporting general uppage or downage), and briefly considered lying about my weight (very old school) but instead here I am, first weigh-in of the year, to report that I gained five pounds over the Christmas break, all of it around my stomach, and I'm now 151.4 pounds. Yes indeed, I'm officially over my "OMG" weight and have to start all over again from where I was LAST year at roughly this same time.

The only consolation I have is that I really, truly thought that my gain would be more like 8 pounds. I feel like I'm carrying around an extra eight pounds.

I hadn't exercised at all since the race the week before Christmas until yesterday when I went to the gym again. I put in 45 minutes on the treadmill, but only about half of that was running. Maybe less, now that I think about it. People kept calling me and I'd slow to a walk so I could talk on the phone.

Brian is starting a new (temporary) job next week--four weeks helping eBay with some conversion. But this'll mess with my workouts--since it's just a temp job we don't want to set up any official childcare, so I'll be coming in late to work so I can get Connor off to school in the morning and then I'll take "lunch" at 3:15 so I can pick him up and take him to his after-school program each day, then I'll work late to make up for coming in late. That pretty much kills all of my available workout times, so I'll have to figure out a work-around. Maybe lots of running and cycling on weekends will have to do for a month.

No scale... no blow-dryer

I spent the night at Mom and Dad's last night, and so didn't weigh myself this morning. Dad wasn't up yet when I left, however, I did hear him coughing right around 7:45am, so I know he was OK. I left a note for him to call when he got up, but he hasn't yet.

I spent the evening reading the next book in the Material World series. It is called What I Eat - Around the World in 80 Diets. It is FASCINATING! What is most amazing to me is how there is virtually NO relationship to the number of calories a person eats and how much they weigh. I couldn't tell how much activity some people got, but in most industrial areas people seemed no more active than anywhere else in the world. Also - and again this is just my observations through someone eles's photos - it seemed to me that the people who eat the hyper healthy diets are the ones that look the most sickly!! So, go to your local library and check it out. There are some good articles about calories, diet, nutrition, etc.