Too good to last

I tried posting yesterday - but after I read the blog early in the day I couldn't get back on to post.

My weight yesterday was back up to 207.6 but then today it was down again to 206.4. I have been just aweful about exercise. I have allowed myself to talk me out of going every single day. Even on Wednesday after I left the dentist I was halfway to driving to the gym when I changed my mind and went home to take a nap instead. It seemed like a good use of my time at that moment. I can't get myself motivated to go - and I am not sure why. Of course, I can't seem to get myself motivated to do much of anything - including eating. Which - I guess - balances it all out.

I am depressed and I keep forgetting to take St. John's Wort. I am not HORRIBLY depressed where I feel like I am surrounded by a black cloud of gloom - just that ongoing badness that kind of sits in your stomach. But - since my stomach is full of depression I don't feel the need to fill it with food. I have noticed that I haven't snacked one single night for the past week or more. I ate dinner last night only because Katie brought me her leftovers. I ate my lunch for breakfast around 11:30 yesterday and then a fruit cup that I found in my purse in the afternoon. That was it. Today I have had coffee so far - but the lactose free milk has formed a gritty layer in the bottom of my mug - so I won't even finish that today. I guess I SHOULD eat something - but nothing is really appealing. I remember going through this my freshman year in college and I lost 20 pounds then. Maybe that will happen this time. Probably not. That only happened because I felt this way for three months. A week probably won't cut it. I have forgotton to weigh myself TWICE in the past week - once I was just SOL and the next time I weighed myself, but it was after I had been up for about an hour and probably had eaten stuff - I don't remember.

Katie is leaving tomorrow for Austia - as you all know. This will prevent me from going out to eat and drink several nights a week. But it will also probably prevent me from eating balanced meals when I am home. It was the whole living and eating on my own that got me in trouble in the first place.

My freezer is full of Let's Dish. I have no excuse not to eat it. Also - since it will just be me eating it most nights I will be able to pack leftovers for lunch the next day - so I SHOULD be able to eat healthy meals if I put my mind to it.

My arm feels like I slept on it funny. I don't think I did because it felt fine when I woke up this morning. I have been having very vivid dreams this week. One about pirate ships with multicolored sails. That was neat. The sun was just rising and I was watching them unfurl their sails in a natural harbor on a beautiful island. I was standing up on a mountain in a clearing surrounded by jungle. It was very cool. Last night I had a freaky dream about being a medium. I was hanging out with dead people who didn't realize they were dead. I am not sure if I realized it either. They looked perfectly healthy. But their families couldn't see them an talked about them being dead. It was weird.