Dreams

I was having VERY wacky dreams this morning. I dreamed I went to see a bariatic specialist about having gastric bypass surgery done. Mom came with me. The doctor I met with gave me another freaking meal plan that was JUST like the other dozen meal plans that people feel the need to give to me to follow. I took it and told her I would try but that it probaby wouldn't work because they never do!!! (Note: The one thing on this menu plan that was different was that I was supposed to drink green tea - so IRL I am going to add that to my diets.) Then she gave me an exercise program that morphed into the next segment of the dream. This exercise program was an underwater program that consisted of people twitching around acting like fish. It was strange. But then I was watching the guru film his next segment and what he did was suspended a VERY THIN girl using wires and pulleys and stuff in the water and then during editing removed the support tools. So I went crazy in my dream screaming that fat people would watch this and think "That looks easy" and then FAIL at it and be MISERABLE because they couldn't do something so simple as twitch in water!!!!!!!!!!! Then this became the last part of the dream which was a classic humiliation dream. I got out of the pool and could find no dry clothes to put on, except my corderoy jacket and one hand towel, so I wrapped my jacket around my butt and tucked the hand towel around my boobs, and then had to walk through a crowded room consisting mostly of people from my TIS class (which IRL ended yesterday with us having to give 2 minutes speeches, which I feel like I totally screwed up - but I can't tell for sure because I was so nervous and flustered!). Anyway, I question my humiliation quotient because even though this was a classic anxiety dream, I didn't feel too distressed by the fact that I was dripping wet and mostly naked in front of my peers - even with my ass hanging out.

On another note... I was getting annoyed on Wednesday. I had a seminar to attend and of course they gave us breakfast. Everyone was eating coffee cake and danishes, and bagels with cream cheese and sweetened coffee and fruit juice and stuff - except for me. I had fresh fruit and a granola bar, and plain coffee with icky cremora (one mini tub because it is so disgusting) and then later a cup of hot tea. And YET - I was the fattest one in the room (with one exception). My questions to myself were... why doesn't everyone have to fight their weight? Why is it that the harder I work at losing weight, the more I gain? And, finally, why do I care???

Today I was 221.2 and after my shower 221.0. So - I am going back down. I didn't eat anything in my bedroom last night - but I spent most of the evening watching a Good Eats DVD - so I wasn't IN my room. I did package up all of my Easter candy and put it in a ziplock bag...

I am re-thinking Southbeach. I can't get a handle on it. I may post pone (slightly) my next diet and do some more research...