Gee Ma I don't wanna come home!

Howdy from Banjo Camp! BOY! Am I having a great time! This is SO my type of place and my kind of people!!! Mom and Dad you should IMMEDIATELY look up their website and pick a week where you can both come and take classes!! It is RIGHT up your ally!!!!!!! Last night I watched the local Morris Dancers (who also do garland dancing and Rapper Sword dancing - and I am sure other forms) practice in the community hall downstairs. Every morning we start with coffee and folk songs (and story telling) followed by a FABULOUS breakfast. Then you have your morning session of class (I wish I could be doing them ALL) followed by another fabulous meal for lunch. After a short break you go back to your afternoon session of class followed then by an optional afternoon activity (I skipped the painting demo today, but did see the glass bead one yesterday and the took the field trip to the local music instrument makers shop on Tuesday). Then you eat yet ANOTHER fabulous meal for supper - which is followed by some sort of musical activity in the evening (hence the dancing last night). I have done a lot of eating and very little exercise. My butt is sore from sitting in fact. I am learning a lot about the banjo - mainly that EVERYONE in the class is as bad as me and the teacher (JD) assures us that we are actually pretty advanced for beginners (mainly we can keep together and keep pace with him) so that is reassuring. I gotta say that if I took a class like this about once every few months, maybe after a decade or so I could learn to play! 8-) I am having fun though - and I am somewhat motivated to continue working at it. I don't know if additional lessons are necessary - other than to keep me honest about practicing.

Anyway - Katie and I are planning on coming back in the summer - but I really hope I can make this an annual thing going forward. TOTALLY worth it!!!! www.folkschool.org

Pistachios are a bad idea

I can't seem to lay off them!  So yesterday I got no exercise because it was a busy day, and I ended up eating WAY too much, mostly in pistachios.  My half pound came back this morning.  Today I have a gym appointment, but not until 5:30, so it's going to be hard to stay enthused about that!  I have choir immediately after so I'll barely have time for dinner.

up and down

I slid up to 161 on Tuesday but today I am back down to 160 again. Maybe after a day or two I will go down to 159.5?

Yesterday it was Dad who suggested a walk and we only got a little bit damp. Today the wind was so terrible after Mass when we went to Target that it literally blew me in a different direction than I had in mind. It seems to be settling down, so maybe we can go out for our walk.

For dinner last night I had a small baked potato, skin and all, with Smart Balance, and a small serving of broiled salmon and a green salad. I neglected to cook a veggie. For breakfast I had a bowl of the too highly caloric Super Nutty Toffee Clusters (Trader Joe's) with skim milk and a small glass of juice. For lunch I had a bowl of Dad's homemade chicken soup with one Bistro cracker, a glass of milk and a Reeses's miniature. Mid-afternoon I had a clementine and 1 piece of Dad's apple. After dinner I had a pecan puff and one of Emily's cream cheese cookies. At bedtime I had a small bowl of shredded wheat. I'm not counting calories but I think what I ate was reasonable.

Tonight we are going to have a chef's salad with the leftover slamon and hardboiled eggs for protein.

Yesterday

I did a full elliptical workout at the gym, plus crunches and push-ups (but I could only do 10 full-length and had to do the rest half-length; I've lost some strength, or at least some energy) and leg presses.  And at the end of the day I felt like I'd been a pig since I'd eaten a vast quantity of pistachios, but when I added up my calories on Daily Plate this morning I discovered I really hadn't eaten that much the rest of the day, so it came out OK.  My weight was down a half pound today, too.  Today will be trickier -- it's hard to find exercise time on Wednesdays and it's a lot easier to find snacking time!

Slinking in....

Although really it's very hard to slink with this extra weight!

So, as expected, eating everything in sight and not exercising are not activities that are really conducive to weight loss! Last week was a complete waste for me. Oh, I weighed in last Tuesday at 142.4, so pretty much the same as where I'd been. It seems that I can exercise regularly and eat without thinking about it and expect to maintain my weight, which is what I had done the previous week. But last week I got no exercise at all, and I came home and ate too much every single day. The exercise was just impossible--no work on Monday, convocation on Tuesday, deadline on Wednesday, IEP team meeting at Connor's school on Thursday, and off-campus meeting all day Friday. I didn't take a lunch break the entire week. And I didn't exercise at home because I was too busy eating. So this week my weight is up to 143.8.

This week I'm back to my usual exercise routine, but I have to break my evening habits of just eating when I get home! I'm trying to figure out why it's so difficult now when it wasn't when we first started this, and other than just giving up all my will power the only thing that has changed is that Brian is home when I get home (when I started, he was working second shift). I think when he wasn't home in the evenings, I was less likely to eat and more likely to just make myself something quick for dinner and eat just a small portion. Now we have dinner together, which means waiting for dinner to be ready (so instead of eating at 6 or 6:30 we eat at 7 or later) and also eating more--the food is better, the meals last longer. I know family meals are supposed to be important and all, but I eat a lot less on my own! Since I can't (and don't want to) change Brian's schedule, it looks like I'm just going to have to rely on willpower alone. Fun.

136.0

See -- right back where I was.  I went that full week without exercise and I haven't been cutting my calories as drastically as I need to if I want to get back under 135.  But yesterday I did the WAtP 30-minute walk-jog, and today I have a gym appointment, so at least I'm back at the exercise, if not the dieting.

I'm back--and working at it!

I finally managed to get on this silly blog--I always forget how to do it between my infrequent postings.

About a week or so ago I decided to get serious about diet and exercise. I once managed to lose a lot of weight by walking just about every day and doing aerobics three times a week and by eating less--especially sweets and alcohol. Well, I'm not doing the aerobics but we are walking. Once last week we went out and walked our 2 3/4 miles around Springdale and then three days I did Walk Away the Pounds--the one mile walk one day and the two mile brisk walk two days. Dad joined me for the one mile walk and for a little more than half of the two mile walk (one time.) I have also been cutting back on the goodies. I usually have a cookie after lunch and another one after dinner. I had just made a chocolate cake the day before my motivation kicked in, so I cut back to half a pice of cake instead of the cookie one time. And of course Dad came home with a bag of miniature Reese's cups. I held out for one day, but since then I have been having one in the evenings. I haven't had anything to drink with alcohol. I did eat half a batch of popcorn last night as we watched TV. Most of my falls have been Dad's doing! But he would like to lose some weight, too, so he is being a little more careful.

But I am down about three pounds from my 163 starting weight! We did take the outside walk today. I usually have to be the one to suggest it, but Dad usually goes along.

Amy, I hope you can check in to the blog while you are at Banjo camp!

I expect a quiet week here

With Amy gone and the rest of us mostly mum of late, it's likely to be all but dead around here.

I've been without exercise for more than a week now and my muscles are starting to feel like jello.  I'm eager to get back to it!  And my calorie counting has been sloppy of late -- I need to get back to restricting my diet again as well.

Once again, easy go, easy come

Even though I eased back into calories very carefully -- I haven't even been interested in stuffing myself -- after three days my weight is right back where it was.  Which tells me that it was just dehydration on Tuesday, which isn't surprising.  It was still kind of fun to see my all-time low again, even if it was just for a day.

I haven't exercised in over a week.  It's been a long time since I've had a gap like that, and I hate it!  I'm still not 100% after the strep -- I've been getting headaches and my throat still hurts a bit -- but I'm feeling normal enough that if the kids weren't sick (and Mary didn't have a science fair this evening) I'd be going to the gym.  Yesterday I did get down on the floor and do my crunches just because I wanted to feel some kind of exertion!

I did a body fat analysis (a very simplified one) online the other day and my body fat was over 30%, which is terrible.  And using Amy's measuring system my waist-hip ratio is 0.81, which is in the not-good range.  But none of these take into account that you might have extra folds of skin hanging across your abdomen from past pregnancies!  It's very hard to measure my abdomen accurately.  So I suspect the 0.81 would really be slightly lower if I could account for that.  Regardless, my body fat percentage is higher than it needs to be, so now I need to figure out how to lose fat without really losing weight.  Strange situation to be in!

1.5x to the gym this week???

so I didn't go to the gym Tuesday night as I intended. When I got home, Harry was so upset when I tried to leave again I decided to not go. So I did a pilates DVD at home, and then part of an ab dvd that Peter has that is pure evil. Let me tell you Crunchy Frogs STINK. I am not sure if that counts as a gym trip, but it was definitely exercise, so it counts for something.

Then last night I did make it over to Belvedere Square last night. I spent 30 minutes on the elliptical and then did 3 reps of 10 on 2 different arm machines.

I won't make it to the gym tonight. Tonight is our "weekend" since Peter is back on shift work so he is working Friday and Saturday night this week. I think he wants to go to the movies.

I have a splitting headache right now from work. It stinks. It better go away by the time I go home for the night!

Hungry!!

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.
Alexander Woollcott (1887-1943)

I don't know if this whole eating 2000+ calories thing is working - or if I am just PMS - but I have been STARVING for the better part of the past two days. How odd that feeling hungry makes me happy. Maybe this means that I will finally start USING calories instead of storing them. My weight is on a slightly downward trend - 227.4 today - but that is still WELL within the range I have been seeing lately. I guess if it continues to trend downwards we will know...

I have been getting ready for banjo camp today. I tuned my banjo but didn't change the strings. I think I should have. They sound jangily - I mean more jangily then a banjo usually sounds. Well, I have a spare set - so if push comes to shove I can change them there. I have done four loads of laundry - and have packed my toiletries. I still need to pack my clothes and other stuff - but that shouldn't take too long.

I am looking forward to this - but I am very nervous about the whole banjo thing. I am not entirely sure why...

Chocolate to Hip Ratio???

Or maybe sugary carb to hip ratio...now those are numbers I'd be interested in! Then I could tell how much chocolate I can eat before gaining another inch on my hips.

I didn't weigh in today. I am feeling gigantic so I didn't even want to know. I am headed to a gym tonight when Peter leaves to go dishing with Marian. Whether I venture to Brick Bodies or just to the little gym at the apartments will be determined by the weather and how cold and icky it is.

I want to get to the gym 3 times this week. I am counting the "week" as Tuesday through next Tuesday.

132.5 (but it's not real)

I have strep throat so I've barely eaten for two days.  Today I weighed in at 133.5, 132.0, and finally 132.5, so I picked the one in the middle, which is consistent with what I saw (fully clothed, shoes and all) at the doctors' office yesterday.  I've had absolutely no appetite, though I did try to eat some dinner last night (but I only managed a few bites).  Today I think I might be hungry but I'm not sure.  I'm still wiped out (I've slept more than I've been awake since Sunday) and woozy.  I hate being sick.  I feel like such a wimp.  And I'm singing the praises of antibiotics (not to mention ibuprofen, benadryl, and cough drops) today -- I'm starting to recover, but without the amoxycillin yesterday would have been just the beginning.  This has hit me so much harder than strep used to -- after yesterday I can see how this illness could kill somebody.  Ugh.

I haven't posted but I've been vaguely following the blog -- Amy, your analysis of RMR and calories was about the clearest, most logical post ever and I think you'd be wise to follow the numbers you get from it.  I haven't run my own numbers but based on relative weights it makes sense that 1200-1400 would be the point at which I would lose weight now.  And when I first started weight loss, in the 170s, I didn't need to watch calories so closely because I was nursing and active, so switching to healthy foods and eating to appetite automatically brought my calories down to what I needed to be eating then (probably 1700 to 2000 or so?), and it wasn't until I was much lower that I needed to be careful about how much I ate.  I think most diets that use 1200 or so as the bottom line are really looking at people who just need to lose a few pounds (or for whom the 130s or 140s is a very high weight -- somebody much shorter than us, I suppose!).  So many dieting articles give useless advice like "stop drinking soft drinks" -- but I guess that's the first step toward getting seriously overweight people's appetites in line with the number of calories they need, when they're eating non-filling, high-calorie food.  Maybe that would get them eating just above their RMR level.  However, that has long since ceased to be a problem for anyone on this board!

Same Old

I was 227.8 today. No change really from the last several months.

I went to be at about 10pm last night. I wasn't particularly tired - or no more so than usual, but I was having a very hard time concentrating on anything! I also compressed my normal night time routine by taking a bath immediately after dinner (I was cold!!) and so that threw me off too. Then I did that weird dozing thing for several hours, which included me dreaming that Claire and I were swimming in this really nifty pool that looked more like the ocean. It was fun - but at the same, mildly panicky. I was sweating again all last night. I think it is my new hair cut making me sweat. I wake up in the morning with the most RIDICULOUS bed head due to my sweating - so I have to shower, even if I have overslept - so I think my hair cut is conspiring to make me shower every morning.

Granny Panties

I am wearing pants today. I never wear pants - but in the most recent Coldwater Creek clearance/70% off everything frenzy I decided I would try them AGAIN - and actually found a design that isn't too unflattering, and are kind of comfortable. So I have two pairs of pants now. The only problem is that when I wear skirts I have several layers between me and the outside world; underweart, pantyhose (or tights) a slip and the skirt. With pants it is just the pants - then my panties and then my naked skin. So - I feel mildly exposed. BUT WORSE - there is nothing sucking my tummy in for me!! My underwear are the kind that sit below my belly button - so you can almost SEE (well, if you are me and can feel when the underwear ends) my stomach bulging above my panty line. So - now I think I am going to have to buy some of the panties that have a "Tummy Flattening Panel" in them - so I can wear them with my pants. Sigh. All the problems of getting old!!

I couldn't sleep last night. I mean - I had a hard time falling asleep because I was mildly cold - then starting at about 4am I kept waking myself up with snoring - or sweating to death -or most often, BOTH. However, if I would toss off my covers I would be too cold, and if I lay on my side I was too hot! It was horrible! I do have that congestion thing going on, where your nose isn't running but you have a decidedly stuffy feel to your head - and your voice is raspy from post nasal drip. I hate this because Sudafed dries you out too much - but nothing means you have a sinus headache. I just hope it passes before next weekend. I don't want to disturb my dorm mates with my old lady snoring!!! This morning I finally got up at about 10 of six and took a steamy shower that seemed to help a bit - but unfortunately, I couldn't go back to bed. It was almost 7am this morning before I started to wonder why no one else was getting up. Then I remembered it was MLK day. Lucky ducks!

I hope that the John C Campbell Folk School has an opportunity for us to give constructive feedback. It really bothers me that I have received nothing from them but my receipt and a medical/injury release form. They haven't sent us anything that includes directions to where we should go when we arrive - or a list of stuff to bring (do I bring my hairdrier?) or a suggestions for clothing (should I bring my snow boots? are jeans OK 24/7?) or anything like that. I checked online to see if there was a yahoo group or anything like that - but apparently I am the only one who worries about what to pack and stuff. Also - it says that each person gets a set of towels and a set of sheets - if you want more, bring your own. What about blankets - Do I need to drag my comforter with me. And - just exactly what is the weather going to BE like in the mountains of NC in January. Colder than here? Not as cold as here? Sigh. Maybe I will send them an email.

Hip to Waist Ratio

OK - My BMI is horrible. It indicates that I am decidedly obese. Not that THAT was ever a question. But I was just reading Ultrametabolism (I know, I know! That is sort of against my new years resolution to not be so obsessed with weight! but Rebecca wanted me to do the quizzes in it...) ANYWAY - this book was saying that you have to take into account your body shape too (which is what YOU on a Diet ALSO said). According to these two sources your hip to waist measurements are a better indication of obesity. The example they used was Shaquille O'Neil. His BMI is 35 but he isn't considered overweight. HIS advantage is that he is muscular - which I am not particularly. BUT - my hip to waist ratio is perfectly normal for a woman (.8 or less - I am .8 exactly). So - this means that even though I am getting fatter - I am getting fatter all over - which is healthier than getting fatter in my gut.

Anyway - all of this is to calculate your Resting Metabolic Rate - or the number of calories you need to sustain your body if you are asleep or in a coma. (Based on my weight today and my hip to waist ratio that is 2043.) THEN - you need to add on addition calories to function; that would be the calories you use to get out of bed, go to work, run errands, etc. Normal daily activities. The key to losing weight is that you have to eat LESS than you burn - but MORE than your RMR. If you eat less than your RMR you are in starvation mode and our bodies are DESIGNED to prevent starvation NOT to prevent weight gain. So - therein lies the root of why diets ultimately fail - with very few exceptions they are designed to have you consume less than your RMR which will ultimately lead to converting all calories consumed to fat to help your body survive the current famine you are experiencing.

So - for all of you, you are still built like women, so I am assuming your hip to waist ratio is .8 or less for women .9 or less for men (divide your waist measurement - around your belly button - by your hip measurement around the fattest point of your butt) then multiply your weight by 10. If you are considerably overweight or if your hip to waist measurement is more than .8 then multiply it by 8 or 9. That tells you the MINIMUM calories you should be consuming per day.

I think this is very interesting, because up until recently all of the diet books I have read have had me consuming 1500-ish calories. All based on nothing - not my weight, or my build or anything!!! My running test of myself that I have been doing since Thanksgiving shows that my habit is to eat 1700 calories naturally. I have been doing this for YEARS - I would be willing to bet since the first time I did Jenny Craig. What is REALLY interesting is that it has been SINCE I first did Jenny Craig that my weight gain has become so steady. I was 173 at that point in my life. I would KILL to be that again! The past week or so I have tried to increase my calories to 2000, but have mostly come in under that. 2000 is even less than what I need to sustain life.

Finally, and in conclusion. Every nutritionist I have met with has always told me I am not eating enough - but none of them have said why that could POSSIBLY help me to lose weight. My body is probably SO out of whack right now that I don't know WHAT I should be eating! 1500 calories (or 1700 or 1800) is probably an absolutely reasonable amount for any of YOU to eat daily - because you probably mostly have an RMR of 1400-1800. Which means you could eat up to 2000 calories a day and be either breaking even or burning more than you are consuming. If you all started carrying around a backpack weighing 90 pounds it would be obvious to ALL of us that you would be burning more calories. So - why wasn't it obvious to me that that IS what I am doing daily?

Weekend coming

So - I haven't posted much this week. I have been doing my normal dieting - no exercise, eating ice cream for breakfast - you know, normal.

Just kidding. Actually I have been eating SOME ice cream. Katie bought Ben & Jerry's this week - and has eaten none of it. I - OTOH - have eaten A TON! GRRRR. I have also done no exercise, beyond my normal activities. I did talk to my gym buddy today to see if she would start kicking me in the ass to go again. I just need to get Katie on board too.

I realized that it has been almost a month since I updated my old speadsheet - mostly because I have been using TDP for my tracking - However, my spreadsheet is visually more comprehensive, so I am going to go back to using it also - because I like stuff like that.

My weight was at 226.4 yesterday and 226.6 today. What I have to do is figure out a way to KEEP it going down. Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Oh, my aching back!

It took me about two and a half hours to clear the driveway and the sidewalks yesterday.  I felt fine at the time, but an hour later my back was quite tired and today I'm very stiff and sore!  But Daily Plate said I burned around 900 calories doing that.  I was at negative calories most of the day. ;-)  I checked other sites and that 900 seems consistent with them (unusual for DP!).  And today my weight went down, yippee!  I definitely canceled my gym appointment yesterday, and I don't have one for today, which is good because I'm not sure I could move.

De snør

That is, it's snowing -- a phrase I expect to need in Norway a bit.  So today I'll get the exercise of traipsing up and down a hill as the kids are sledding, and I'll have to shovel the driveway and sidewalk if the snow ever stops today (5" and counting).  And on top of that I have a gym appointment this afternoon, though if I really do all that other exercise I'll probably cancel out of sheer exhaustion.  Our driveway is huge.

Yesterday we didn't have Girl Scouts so I had no excuse not to exercise after piano lessons, but I got home and found 800 other things that needed doing, so I did those instead.  Mary kept saying, "Mom, don't forget you still need to exercise!"  But when the kids' bedtime rolled around I discovered I was only at about 1500 steps for the day, and that made me feel like such a slug that I went down the basement and ran laps for 15 minutes to get my step count up over 4000.  It was more interesting than the 15 minute WAtP by a long shot, though slightly more hazardous because I was jogging over cat food, laundry piles, and kids' toys and around old furniture, storage boxes, and scrapbooking supplies.  This could be useful motivation toward cleaning up the basement!

My calorie intake has been moderate all week -- a little bit higher than my goal, except for yesterday, but not dramatically high.  My weight was 136 this morning, so I'm still in line with where I've been the last two weeks.

Dieting vs. biology

"In every century famine and human starvation has existed... true even today. Survival of the fittest in the past meant survival of the fattest. Only those with adequate energy stores could survive a famine. Consequently our bodies are still equipped in this modern age to combat starvation at the cellular level. As far as the body is concerned, dieting is a form of starvation, even though it is voluntary. Chronic dieting has been shown to:

• Teach the body to retain more fat. Low calorie diets double the enzymes that make and store fat in the body. This is a form of biological compensation to help the body store more energy, or fat, after dieting.
  
• Slow the rate of weight loss with each successive attempt to diet. This has been shown to be true in both rat and human studies.
  
• Decrease metabolism. Dieting triggers the body to become more efficient at utilizing calories by lowering the body's need for energy.
  
• Increase binges and cravings. Both humans and rats have been shown to overeat after chronic food restriction. Food restriction stimulates the brain to launch a cascade of cravings to eat MORE. After substantial weight loss (not me!) studies show that rats prefer eating more fat, while people have been shown to prefer foods both high in fat and sugar.
  
• Cause satiety cues to atrophy. Dieters usually stop eating due to a self imposed limit rather than inner cues of fullness. This, combined with skipping meals, can condition you to eat meals of increasingly larger size.
  
• Cause the body shape to change. Yo-yo dieters who continually regain the lost weight tend to regain in the abdominal area, This type of fat storage increases the risk of heart disease.
  

Other side effects include headaches, menstrual irregularities, fatiguem dry skin and hair loss."

From Intuitive Eating. I don't know if all that means I am doomed or that I will survive the next major famine because my body has been optimally trained to - but the rest of you won't. Either way it doesn't sound pleasant.

I was 227 today. Figures.

Wednesday update

So we ended up going to see the Daniel Day Lewis movie. It was weird. It is based on the Upton Sinclair novel "Oil" and Radiohead did the soundtrack. The main character was one ruthless b*d. We ate at Zodiac before we went to the theatre, and that was a really neat bar. Food was pretty good too. I had a pizza and 2 martini-type drinks that were excellent, but then I was drunk. Oops. Breakfast yesterday was grits, then I had a luna bar mid-morning. Lunch was catered because of a meeting, so I had chicken salad with too much pickle in it and some pastrami on rye. It was those little half-sandwich type situations. I had some potato chips too. And no exercise because we went to the movie.

I'm not sure if I'll make the gym tonight or not. It'll depend on a few things that I haven't checked into yet. Like I said before, my life is chaos for whatever reason. I am not sure if it'll get better or worse come next week--Peter goes back on shift work again, so I'll have to work with his weird rotating schedule. It made me very unsettled before, so it'll probably make things worse. Who knows.

I've noticed that my posts take a day to show up on the blog. Does that happen to anyone else?

173.6

An improvement but still horrendous. I read this silly 10 things to do to lose weight article in some magazine at the check out of the grocery store last week and since I only remember one of the things, I am going to employ it. It said if you need to lose 30 pounds, set 3-10 lb goals. That way you feel like you've accomplished something along the way instead of feeling despondant about being soooo far away from your goal. So, I am 2.6 lbs closer to my first goal. Only 7.4 more to go. Food yesterday was odd and just about all carbs...1/2 of a cheese and Galtee sausage sandwich for breakfast, a luna bar, a pack of instant oatmeal, a 100 calorie chips ahoy and some crab soup Peter brought me from whatever bar the Emerald Society meeting was held at last night. I had about 6-12 oz cups of tea, and a bottle of water to drink. Like I mentioned yesterday, my appetite is off. And while I am feeling fine today, I am still not hungry. Maybe my body is disgusted with itself and this is how it is going to help me lose weight??? :^) haha. I did go to the gym yesterday. I tried out that Alpine Pass that Amy mentions from time to time, but I didn't set it right or something because it was a disappointing workout. I have my gym stuff along again today, and I am planning to go unless I find out that we are going to the Charles Theatre tonight to see that new Daniel Day Lewis movie.

136.5

Same as last week.  I ranged from 136 to 137.5 all week so at least I'm consistent.  Last week I got to the gym three times but didn't do any exercise on the weekend, except on Sunday when I walked for about 5 minutes to push my pedometer count up a bit.  My eating has been so-so -- I can't seem to quit on the sweets, since we still have cookies and chocolate around, but it has been slowing down a bit.  Just a bit.  This week I have three gym appointments, but on Friday Mary has a science fair (if she ever finishes the dang project) so I don't have one that day, which means I really can't take the weekend off again or I'll have gone three days without any exercise at all.

142.8

That, and yesterday's post, about sums everything up. Gotta eat less, gotta exercise more.

Weigh in day

OK - So this morning I was 228 - again. I seem to be comfortably settled into that one weight. I have to start exercising again. I seem to be so tired at night lately. Also - by the time I get home from work Katie is ready for dinner. I don't know how I was managing before - but I think it was because Katie and I weren't eating dinner the few months before Christmas. What I HAVE to do is get Katie to meet me at the gym after work - and then have dinner after the gym.

Anyway - I am still struggling with eating big calories for breakfast. I had two eggs and two pieces of toast this morning. Again, one bite into the second piece of toast and my throat started closing up. I can't do it... Yesterday, I had just one piece of toast with peanut butter for breakfast - and that was just right - and I was hungry again at about 10am, when I had a 1/4 bagel with cream cheese, and fresh fruit. Second breakfasts. It was perfect. But then I wasn't hungry for lunch until about 1:30 - and I had coffee at 3:30 - so by dinner time (Katie and I had sushi) I wasn't that hungry - which means I have left over sushi for lunch.

I am still having weird dreams. Maybe it is the weather. I need to also start sleeping more. I love to sleep - I don't know why I can't get myself to bed by 11pm!

No iPod, no socks

I was pretty badly behaved last week. I started eating healthier foods for meals (i.e. not just frozen pizza and ravioli for dinner) but I'm still snacking way too much in the evenings---I keep finding myself prowling around looking for things to munch on from 7:00 to 11:00. It's pretty bad. And I only got to the gym twice. I had every intention of going on Friday as well, but a group from work decided to go out to lunch at the worst place for a diet on the planet--Cheeburger, Cheeburger. The woman who instigated this is getting treated for thyroid cancer and when she's going through treatments, she has to go on a no-iodine diet, so in advance of her treatment she wanted to go out and eat all of the foods she's not allowed to eat (basically anything yummy--during her last round of treatment she lost 13 pounds in three weeks). And you can't say no to an offer like that, right? So I had the smallest cheeseburger on the menu, and still my lunch was over 700 calories!

Anyway, today I absolutely was NOT going to skip the gym. Then when I got to work I discovered I had left my iPod at home. Not deterred, I went to the library and got out a mindless book to read while on the treadmill. Of course it's not possible to run and read, so I decided to walk for 45 minutes instead of running for 30. OK. Then I got to the gym and discovered I had also left my socks at home! Really not my day. But I am wearing pants today, so I have on trouser socks, so I decided to make them work. They are the opposite of cushy and wicking, but at least they are thin so they aren't blister-inducing. And it turns out that I'd really rather run than walk--even without a book, running is more interesting (or doesn't feel as awful to me). So I still did 45 minutes, but did it half walking and half running. And wouldn't you know while I was at my top running speed and just getting ready to slow back down, a guy I know came up and started chatting? He's the father of one of the Brownie's in Claire's troop. So of course I had to keep running so I wouldn't look like a wimp. I think I agreed to go running on a 3.2 mile loop outside with him in the spring. This can't be good.

My weight this morning was 143.4 (!!!). I'm hoping that's one of those weekend aberrations. Really hoping for that. If not, it's back to celery and cottage cheese for me!

Long time no post

It has been a while since I last posted. Nothing has changed really - I have been eating and not exercising... My weight has hovered between 227 and 229. It was higher over the weekend, and I hope will go down by tomorrow.

I have been really trying to increase my calories in the morning - and having an overall intake of closer to 2000 - per the recommendation of Rebecca (and, quite frankly, every website that calculates what my calorie intake should be). I gotta say - it is hard. I have a hard time eating a lot in the mornings especially. I can only think of bad foods to bulk up my calorie intake (i.e. cookies, marshmallows, bread, etc.). I have to stock my house with more interetsing fruits and vegetables - because what I have now is just not cutting it. I had a single piece of whole grain toast for breakfast this morning with peanut butter - and that was all I wanted. I probably COULD have eaten some fruit with it - but I ate it in the car on the way to work. But - I gotta say I was feeling hungry just now - and so had a piece of low fat cheese.

I don't trust the recipe calculator on TDP. I have noticed this before... If you enter a measurement that is considerably lower than the serving size (i.e. 1 T of half and half where 1 CUP is the serving) it calculates it at the whole amount. Either that or the sum of the parts is greater than the individual pieces. For example - French Toast, by MY calculations (1 egg, 2 pieces of bread, 2t sugar, and 1T of half and half - because we were out of milk) SHOULD have been around 350 calories - but came up as 658 calories. Hummmmmmmmmm.

Katie and I DIDN'T go to Coldstone yesterday. We talked about it because we had a coupon - but in the end we just forgot. Too bad. It has been a LONG time since I have gone and I would have liked it very much. No food is bad according to Intuitive Eating - just you shouldn't eat them as often. I think it was during the summer when I last went. That counts as not very often. PATHETIC! I am trying to justify something I didn't DO!

Lost...

That's me. I cannot find a routine these days, and not just with exercise, but for anything. My life is absolute chaos and it stinks. I did manage to get to the gym 2x last week, which is 200% improvement from the previous weeks. My weight is the worst it has ever been in my entire life. Last Tuesday I was 176.2, which is .4 down from the previous all time fat ever Tuesday. The part that makes me feel the worst about it is that I know I just need to get back to the gym and it will settle down at least to my usual fatness level, which at this point would be a relief. But my schedule has just been hectic and even when I try to make time, something comes up. I really think I need to figure out how to go during lunch. Maybe from 1130-1230 each day. What makes that tough is that the parking situation at JMT is terrible, and there will be times when you actually cannot park in the lot, and 12:30-1 pm is prime time for parking issues. Adding to my problems, I haven't been really 100% well the past 2 weeks, and that is a serious motivation killer. I was able to talk myself into the gym when I had a cold, but the nauseus feeling won out in the latter part of the week. Never actually got sick though. I am still recovering from that, as my appetite is off. I have this absolutely delicious lunch of curry chips and chicken leftover from dinner last night, but instead I am eating oatmeal. I just didn't feel much like curry.

So that's all. I started typing this at 10:03 this morning and it is 12:20 and I am going to wrap up before I get sidetracked again and end up never finishing the post.

Evening snacking

is doing me in.  Again.  Now that we're back to school I can get through the day without pigging out, but I hit dinner time and start eating, and then I don't stop until bedtime.  It's not too awful in terms of absolute calories, but that's the worst time of the day to load up, because they just sit in there all night like a rock instead of getting burned away by normal activity.  My weight has been back to 137.5 the past two days, which is where I would expect it to be.

On Tuesday when I went to the gym I stopped to look at the class schedule -- just as the new teacher for the Basic Step class showed up.  I've never done step before but I'd heard it was a good way to get one's heart rate up, so I let myself be talked into the class.  This was the first in the series so she didn't expect us to have a clue -- though everyone else there had stepped in other classes or with videos before.  But I set up with a lowish step, since I was new, and then I proceeded to be bored out of my mind for the first 15 minutes while we did what was no more exciting than WAtP with a small obstacle -- I kept getting caught off-step because my mind would wander and I'd miss the change to the other foot!  But it got gradually more interesting, though I never felt like I was working hard.  When she invited us to jog up and down instead of walking onto the step I jumped at the chance (no pun intended) so that helped a little, but I hardly broke a sweat.  If I take the class next week (the variety is nice, and the teacher says it will get more involved as we go along) I'm going to raise the step up.  It's the first time in my life I've found a gym class easy, and the first time I've been one of the skinniest people in the room -- even the teacher was built about like me, except four inches shorter!  There was only one truly thin person there.  And there was one NOT thin person there, sweating like a pig and barely managing to lift her feet -- I'd say, "At least she was there," except she turned out to be one of those extroverted people who thinks there needs to be a constant shift of focus her direction, so I wish she hadn't been there.  She told us at least ten times that she was going to take basic step and advanced step that day, and we heard all about her back and knee problems of recent history, and she said "Whoo!" when the teacher asked how we were doing (what's wrong with a nod or a thumbs up, like the rest of us?), and she double-clapped on the turn steps when nobody else was clapping (is that really necessary??) and when we did a step called the rocking horse she actually neighed.  Next time I'm going to position myself as far away from her as possible, if she shows up.  Maybe she'll turn out to be a January gym-er who will disappear for the rest of the year.  I hope.

I haven't exercised the past two days.  Yesterday was my busy day, and we had company after the day's usual chaos ended.  Today I couldn't get a gym appointment so I went to Target instead, and then I spent what should have been my exercise time putting shelves together for our office closet (the kids' games and puzzles were out of control).  I'm feeling kind of gross but not gross enough to go do sit-ups while we have Ratatouille on.  Apparently I'd rather talk about being flabby than do anything about it.  I hate it when the house is cold -- I just can't get motivated to move.

GACK!!

I tried to increase my calories for breakfast this morning - only I wasn't feeling hungry at all to start, so I really was choking down all of my food - and couldn't manage to squeeze in more than one extra egg - and THAT only adds about an extra 70 calories. Now my belly is so full! I ate pistachio nuts late last night (around 10:45pm) and they were very salty for a change (the bins were flipflopped at Wegmans the last time I bought them so I accidentally got too many of the salted and not enough of the unsalted) so my weight was very up this morning (228.4) although my calorie intake was about the same as normal yesterday.

Rebecca was delighted when I told her I had been doing the yoga videos. Enough so that I need to START doing them again. I am going to go to Target today to see if they have the yoga blocks that would help me do the Yoga for Inflexible People video. A lot of their poses call for the blocks for support.

I am so sleepy. I was dreaming again this morning (about a carnival ride that was a flying ship - but people kept falling off of it so they made it into a regular ship - but the ride was more like a roller coaster then - it was fun...). Anyway - it seems to be darker in the mornings recently. I don't know why - unless my body THINKS it is spring (warm weather and all) and so expects light to wake it up - and so doesn't actually WAKE up until my alarm clock goes off - which I hate. I need coffee... I have stale leftover coffee with me today and it is GROSS!

Post Nutritionist Meeting

I like Rebecca's new office. It is in historic Ellicott City and is VERY hippy new agey - as I expected. It smelled like incense and herbs and had bright colors and hard wood floors. 8-) Rebecca expressed strong concerns again that I am just not eating enough calories. It seems SO counter intuitive to eat MORE to lose weight - but she insists that my body is solidly in deprivation mode and WON'T be able to start burning calories until I start eating more. She wants me to commit to eating between 500-600 calories for breakfast to start. She wants me to set a reminder to eat lunch at 11:30am and again at noon (another reminder - not another lunch). She said that clearly I am pushing myself PAST the point when I SHOULD eat (without noticing) until my body responds by only wanting to eat carbs. She wants me to pack more snacks in my lunch so I won't NOT in lunch for fear of being hungry later and not having food on hand (which IS what I do now...).

500-600 calories is a lot for breakfast. That is double what I do now. She said to add nuts to my applesauce and double my eggs. She said to not eat carbs without protein also (Diet For Life does that - and that is one of the diets that DID work for me...). Other than eggs (and periodically turkey sausage) I don't know of a lot of appealing breakfast proteins. I have to think about this more.

More Freaky Dreams

Today I was 226.4. I like it when my weight is going down - even though it is not REAL weight loss. I slept 9 hours last night - my weight is usually low after a lot of sleep. I would have KEPT sleeping too except that the Christmas tree grinder (at least I think that is what the horrible noise was) woke me up at 8:15. Oh well.

I was dreaming that I was grocery shopping and I somehow acquired a child or three that I was babysitting. It started when a little girl in the store was hitting me with a mini squash and I scolded her saying that it wasn't polite to hit strangers with squash and how would she feel if I suddenly started hitting HER with a squash. Then her mom showed up and recognized me as the sister of one of her kids teachers and would I watch her daughter for a little while. For some unknown reason I said yes and then had a HORRIBLE time getting my shopping done because I kept having to find the little girl - and at some point two of her older siblings showed up too. I must be ovulating - I always have weird dreams when I ovulate.

I am meeting with Rebecca the nutritionist today. I don't know what we will discuss, probably intuitive eating. She is in a new location in Ellicot City - "The Well" which is all hippy chick new age practitioners of various sorts. I am a little put off by that, in spite of my own hippy chick new age leanings.

Weigh in for me

My weight today was 227 even. I think. It was 22something even - and I am pretty sure I remember thinking "Oh Good! It is down!" So - 227. I am pretty sure.

I woke up during the night again with a curdled wame. That is exactly the feeling I think of when Jamie says something curdels his wame. Sort of churny, acidy feeling. Curdled. Ick. And it continued on today. I am not sure why. Although, now that I think about it I have been out of the Rheum for the past several days - more than a week actually. I am going to see Rebecca tomorrow and so will get more -but maybe it was helping more than I realized. Or - more like, I didn't notice the difference when I used it, but I do notice the lack of it.

This morning I was dreaming that Sarah and I (and I think some other people, but no one we actually knew) were taking Claire and Connor camping - in Antarctica! Actually initially it was Siberia or somewhere VERY north (I thought in my dream that we would be inside the Arctic Circle) but somehow it morphed into Antarctica. At one point Sarah and I were discussing how this was SO not a good idea when we decided that we were doing it so we could see the Northern Lights. Then it dawned on us that we were going to be in the Southern Hemisphere and we didn't think there WERE Southern Lights - and we were discussing the science of why not when I woke up. I think I must have been thinking about Norway or something. My first thought when I woke up was that I must have been sleeping cold - but I wasn't - I was plenty warm. It was very weird.

136.5!!

I don't get that at all -- I was 139 two days ago.  I do know that the first few days of dieting after a break see abrupt results, but I still have to think this is mostly water loss, and it'll catch up to me soon.  I was really expecting 137.5 at  best today.

Metabolism changes are so funny.  In the days around and just after Christmas my calorie intake was about double or triple my usual goal of 1200 -- which is realistically 1200 on weekdays and more like 1400 or 1500 on weekends, weekends being liberally defined to cover Friday, Saturday, Sunday, any day I anticipate the weekend, or any day I overshoot the weekend.  So I maybe average 1300-1400 a day.  For five days my weight shot up at a rate of a pound a day -- entirely possible with a calorie intake of 3500+ some days, though I was still exercising a bit.  But at Mom and Dad's my eating was mostly no better and my exercise was mostly lower, but my weight didn't change over that week.  Then I get back and diet and my weight plummets, so instead of the 145 I was fearing at this point I'm not actually that far from my goal of 135.  So the extra calories caught up to me VERY quickly, but then my metabolism adjusted, so that after a second week of overeating I'm still sort of burning at the too-much-food rate even though I'm eating too little food now, and I see sudden drops.  I will no doubt plateau within a week, so by next week this will all be forgotten and I'll be a pill about how I can't get my weight to budge.  Mood changes are as weird as metabolism changes.

Official weigh-in!

I can't even remember the last time I remembered to both weigh in on a Tuesday AND post the results here. This morning I actually closed my eyes as I weighed myself, sure that I'd be up to 145 pounds after essentially doing nothing but eat and not exercise this past week (o.k., I went to the gym twice, but that was it). But I was 141.4 again, and it says something about my mentality that I was relieved that it was only that and not higher.

I really need to go back to using the Daily Plate. I've been avoiding it because I don't want to have to enter "14 dark chocolate Hershey's Kisses, six spice sandwich cookies, four bites of peppermint chocolate stuff, and a mini bag of microwave popcorn." Plus three meals and a normal snack. That's pretty much been my diet the past week. I'm now thankful that Davey ate those Oreo truffles. He can use the calories more than me, and he exercises every single day.

Me, too, Christmas damage

I weighed in yesterday at 139 and today at 138.5.  Since I was expecting to top 140 that wasn't as bad as I feared, but, like Sarah, that resets me to the beginning of December.  So now I have to redo a month's worth of work thanks to a week and a half of pigging out.  Sigh.  But I'll get there.

Weekend Weight

I can't remember if I weighed myself on Saturday. I feel like I didn't - but at the same time I have a weight in my mind for that day. Maybe it was last Saturday that I forgot. Either way - my weight (after dropping to 226-ish) has been climbing back up. I was 227.2 Friday (and Saturday?) and 228 even yesterday and 228.2 today. Sigh. I haven't been exercising, and my eating - has been intuitive. Which means I haven't had enough fruits or vegetables because they haven't been around in my house. I have stopped to ask myself if a) am I hungry and b) what is it I am wanting to eat each time I found myself in the kitchen looking for food. I discovered in many cases I was thirsty, and was wanting fruit juice or tea. I drank a lot of tea (having no fruit juice on hand) which leads me to believe I was probably wanting vitamin C or something.

I went to see Eric on Sunday and (intuitively) ate a doughnut while I was there. THERE is someone whose weight is a concern. I don't know how - or if - to approach him about it - but considering that his birth father (and mother for that matter) died very young due to health complications I feel like Eric should do something about his weight. I also wonder how much of his obesity is not related to over eating. I don't know how much he does eat when he eats since I am not usually THERE for that. He didn't eat at all while I was there (from 1:45 to 3pm, granted - not a meal time) but he had food to hand, and didn't eat it. He did mention that he is a Mountain Dew fanatic (and soda is one of the WORST things that we can consume!) but he said that he didn't drink it much anymore.

I have been having reflux horribly the past several days. I think it must be the cookies I have been eating, but I wouldn't swear to anything. It has been waking me up in the middle of the night - and is much ickier than it has been in the past. Tums seem to be doing the trick for the most part, but I really think it is time for me to actively start removing gluten from my diet again. Sigh.

Christmas damage

After several weeks of not exercising and eating everything in sight, my weight this week (Wednesday rather than Tuesday) was 141.4. I guess it *could* have been worse, but now I have to re-lose everything I lost after Thanksgiving and then continue on down past 135. To that end, I'm busily consuming all of the leftover goodies in our house (because, you know, it's better just to make them gone, right? And you wouldn't want to waste them by throwing them away, right? Or by letting the dog eat them, which he did with half a batch of Oreo truffles.) because I can't really expect to lose weight with all of those goodies around. Of course, this doesn't bode well for next Tuesday! But I did make it to the gym once this week, and right now I'm debating whether or not I should go again today or go to the Recollections clearance sale. The sale sounds pretty good right now.

New Years Resolutions

My resolution for 2008 is simple - Stop stressing so much over weight loss. I want to start eating intuitively (although, intuitive for me seems to be whatever is easiest to grab and quickest to prepare - which has been fruit and Christmas cookies lately).

So resolution #2 is to have more healthful conveinence foods available to me. Since sweets, cookies and breads seem to be my real weakness, I want to figure out a way that I can fulfill those cravings while at the same time satisfying some of my fruit/vegetable requirements. Maybe carrot muffins, or something...

Resolution #3 is to try to get into a regular habit of eating - regularly, thereby (hopefully) reactivating my ability to feel hungry. The book (Intuitive Eating) gave a list of several different reasons why someone may no longer feel hunger. I know I USED to feel hunger as a child - but no longer do (except on rare occassions). I came under almost every possibility suggested. I will have to post what thoes reasons are at some other time.

My weight today was 227.2. That is probably mosly because of the salty popcorn I ate yesterday at the movie. I want to exercise tonight. I haven't been in over a week!!!

Down, down, down

Yippee! While I know it is still solidly in my 225-229 range, it is nice to see a weight on the lower end of things. I was 226.8 today. I know I really have to attribute most of that to the fact that I am past my period this week, rather than approaching it, as I was last week. Yet, it is still nice. Of course, I do have to point out the irony of last weeks weight was on the heels of two weeks of exercise and THIS weeks weight was after a whole week of NOTHIN' (outside of cleaning house - which, I have to admit is unusual activity for me. Ha ha).

I started archiving my food consumed yesterday and I gotta tell you I drank most of my calories. I had several Woodchucks (four I think - but I am not sure of that since - like all of us - I have the habit of drink whatever is closest. I OPENED four bottles - but I am not sure if I actually drank more or less than that) and champagne at midnight - but again, I poured one glass, but drank more like two all told. I had a little bit of baked brie, some fois gras, a bowl of cassoulet and a few nuts. I think I only ate one of the puff pastry hors d'eouvres. I had one Christmas cookie which one of the kids brought to me. I didn't have any vegetables (because I forgot them) and maybe ONE spinach leaf and two pieces of orange from the salad.

I like Mom's scale

I weighed 134 on their scale.  I wish that was official!  That's lower than the weight I struggled to for Christmas, and here I've been eating like a pig for a full week.  My scale at home was reading 139 before we left!  I'm trying to exercise restraint today.  It helps that we didn't get up until 10:30 or so, so now it's past lunchtime and I've barely had breakfast, and my chocolate cravings don't usually kick in until the day is half gone.

I'll weigh myself for real again on Sunday, so my goal at this point is to avoid a terrible shock that day.  And I think I'm just skipping the official weigh-in for this week entirely!