THERE it is!

I got on the scale yesterday and was tempted to pretend like I forgot to weigh myself. I was up - finally, sad as it may be - to 211.2. Ugh - all that fudge and stuff. Then today I was at 212!!! Sigh. My boobies have been sore - so I decided that it was because my period was coming. As you know, the past two months I wasn't getting my normal 4 pound weight spike with my period. (BTW - how come I will totally believe it if my weight goes UP by four pounds - but not down?) Anyway - my period DID start today shortly after I got to work. I was totally surprised by this because today is 27 days since my last one. Last one was 28 days (like a normal girl and everything!) but normal for me is usually 31-33 days!! I don't know what is screwing me up. Anyway - so now I am all crampy and I only have one tampon with me. BUT - if I lose four pounds now it will take me back down to 208 - which is not as bad as 212... but I never seem to lose all of the gained 4 pounds.

I was NOT GOOD yesterday. I did a Stampin Up party last night (I never do REAL partied anymore) and so I spent most of the day prepping for that. I don't remember what I had for breakfast - probably fudge or Fisher's popcorn (which is gone now), and curried shrimp for lunch - very yummy, even left over. I didn't eat dinner (the party was at 7pm) and I didn't snack at the party hardly at all! When I got home I was hungry but too tired to make something. Katie was out (it was Bones, or something, night last night so she was at Tracy's watching TV). I had to go out to get milk - and I looked at the sandwiches at Royal Farms - but I ended up going to McDonalds (I am blaming THAT craving on my period!). I wanted something hot and salty. I got a double cheeseburger and a small fries (off the dollar menu) and I ate it all!! Sigh.

Everyone seems to be super motivated currently - mom said she was at the beach, Bunnie (a woman at work) said that she was inspired by The Biggest Loser show that was on last night. Sarah and Emily seem to also be hitting things hard... I just can't get up the energy to focus on this anymore. I hate it that I am seeing a loss of muscle tone already, I hate it that I have no resistance to cravings like fudge and McDonalds, I hate it that I can't think of any exercise to do that gets me back into the groove, I hate it that my gym fee has gone up to $59 a month - and I hate it that I am not doing anything about any of this. In the past I have let everyone else getting re-motivated spur my energy level - but it ain't happening this time. HELP!??! Please?