A cure for self pity

Exhausted, stressed, worried, irritated, and sick of all of this. That's what I was feeling all this morning. I'm so tired all the time from being up with Connor pretty much every night, and worried about his itchiness and swollen lymph nodes (and no medical professional is worried about these at all), and I'm beyond stessed at work. Even though HCC is a great college to work for, there are times when the workload is overwhelming, like right now, with several major deadlines this week and a bunch of smaller things I have to get done before going on vacation. And speaking of vacation, except that I'm vacating my house it's not going to be much of a vacation and I'm going crazy getting ready for it (I was up until 1 a.m. trying to sew trim on Claire's sleeves; I gave up when my needle came unthreaded and I was too bleary-eyed to get it rethreaded) while also trying to throw together something to celebrate Brian's birthday.

And all of this while still trying to get in training for the triathlon. That seems to have been pushed to a back burner--I'm too tired to get out early in the day (and besides, normally I'm up taking care of Connor at 5:30 a.m.), and too busy to get my normal lunch breaks, and too busy to get out in the evenings, and it was too hot over the weekend to do anything. So I haven't been getting in the long training I should, and really, I don't WANT to do these workouts.

So I was thinking all of this this morning and dreading my workout for the day. I was supposed to swim but wasn't sure I'd make it to the pool in time because of a morning meeting, so I brought my running stuff as well in case that was all I could manage and I was kicking myself for not getting in a workout yesterday--my plan for the week was to run Monday, swim Tuesday, run or bike today, take Thursday off, and then do the dress rehearsal swim/run on Friday. By not getting in my workout yesterday I threw off the schedule for the week, and being so tired today meant that any workout I got would likely be slow and easy. I seriously considered bagging it all and just going for a relaxing walk to de-stress, but the thought of the race in three and a half weeks makes me banish thoughts like that quickly.

I figured I could just wallow in self pity or I could put on my big girl panties and get on with it. And self pity isn't going to help me through the race in August, so I went with the big girl panties (not literally--hard to wear them while swimming), went to the gym and did BOTH workouts--the swim I was supposed to do yesterday and the run I originally planned for today. I figured my deadlines weren't going anywhere in that extra half hour, and doing two workouts today means I have the option of taking tomorrow off, and nothing is better practice for a triathlon than starting tired and wearing yourself out some more. And it wasn't too bad at all--I did the race distance for the swim instead of the mile I usually do. I planned a shorter running route but instead did my normal distance (I was aiming to finish both the swim and run in about an hour; I finished - not including transition time - in 1:00:02). It felt good, and it's true that physical activity is one of the best de-stressors out there, and it had the added benefit of relieving any guilt I've been feeling about neglecting my training, plus it gave me confidence that I'll be able to add a 17 mile bike ride to that distance and be just fine.