Motivation

Julie's post about Peter's friend and my re-reading of the first several months of this blog yesterday have got me to thinking again about my/our motivation and goals. We don't talk a lot about this anymore, and I know that when I lose track of WHY I started eating well and exercising I tend to stop doing it. Especially since at some point it became less about weight loss and more about ongoing good health, the goals aren't as easy to see or reach for me.

Right now I'm not especially motivated by weight loss. Even though I'm more than ten pounds up from my lowest weight, my fitness level is better now than it was when I was at that lowest weight--I'm stronger and have more endurance and more energy, so I'm o.k. with my weight now (and it doesn't hurt that the clothes I got for my low weight fit just fine at 140!). Back in September when I started weightlifting in addition to running, my motivation spoke a lot to what Julie was talking about--being there for people when they need you. Specifically Connor, in my case, and more particularly just being able to physically haul him around! At that point he was wanting to be lifted up onto people's shoulders so he could play with the ceiling fans and he had gotten so heavy that I just couldn't do it anymore. And then I realized that it wasn't just about ceiling fans--he's not going anywhere anytime soon, and I owe it to him to stay alive as long as I possibly can, and to stay physically able to care for him as long as I possibly can. And I owe the same to Brian--I'm always after him to eat better and exercise more because I don't want him to die young (he's now only ten years younger than his mother was when she died) and leave me as the sole provider for two kids. If I'm going to ask that of him, I owe the same back to him.

It's thoughts like that that keep me motivated to do things I don't especially like to do. It's kind of like work--it's not something that really motivates me or drives me in itself, but I know that I have to work in order to be able to enjoy the things that DO motivate me and keep me happy. But at the same time balance plays a big part in my life--I don't ever want to work another job where my boss tells me that if my son is going to be sick so much I should hire a nanny so I don't have to miss work. When I looked for a new job, I made it perfectly clear (to myself and potential employers) that my family was my priority--I'll do my job and do it well, but I'll leave at 5:00 because my job isn't my life.

It was a lot easier when my goal was just to get to the next five pound mark so I could reward myself with new scrapbook supplies. These longer-term, more nebulous goals are easier to blow off--at 2:00 today when I'm supposed to go to the gym, am I going to care more about the four grants that are due on Monday or that I want to be not only alive when I'm 90 but also able to walk around?