Tuesday again

I didn't weigh myself last Tuesday - or today for that matter. I did weigh myself inbetween last week and today - and I was what I expected - about 10 pounds higher than my high water mark. Sigh.

My eating has gotten MUCH better. Katie and I are eating breakfast and dinner and I have been packing pretty healthy lunches. Last week I did a crock pot chicken and had chicken salad (made with pineapple and lime juice to reduce the need for mayo) all week. I also made a chicken and rice soup which we didn't eat at all. I had a bowl for dinner the night I made it - but it was very greasy. Then - since it is now a week old - Katie and I decided we should probably throw it out. I thought about freezing it early last week, but I realized that it was not appealing enough to me to make me ever want to thaw it to eat. Oh well. It only cost me a potato, a carrot, and a cup of rice. Anyway - in addition to the chicken salad I have been packing yogurt, grapes and almonds to go with me to work. Amazingly, this combo of food seems to be really appealing to me each day - and in most cases I manage to eat it all by the end of the day. I am going to see if I can make this my standard.

I still feel like I am eating too much sugar. I was threatening to go cold turkey last week - but I don't really think I can do that. I need to switch back to agave in my coffee. I want to make some crock pot yogurt which I can then sweeten either with JUST fresh fruit, or agave. OH! I just remembered that I have peaches in my freezer from this summer. Maybe I will experiment with that this weekend.

I have NOT increased my exercise. I seem to be paving a road to hell. Each morning I move my gym bag so it is more conveinent to taking with me to work - and each day I realize just about at this time that I have forgotten it. Sigh. We have had such beautiful weather lately - and I THINK about going out for a walk, but then something more facebooky comes up. I am giving up facebook for Lent!

Sunday I measured my hips. Actually I was measuring for a bra. I wanted to see if I need to increase a cup size (I think no, but a band size wouldn't come amiss). Anyway, while I was there with a measuring tape I measured my hips. I was 2"s smaller than I thought I was. I don't know if this is because I am actually SMALLER, I was measuring a different point on my hips, or if I was just mentally thinking I was bigger, but I was not sad by the discovery.

I then started thinking about how odd a size I am. I mean, I spend a good chunk of my time feeling really HUGE and fat. My reflection in my kitchen window (which probably isn't the best guide) and the reflection in the door approaching work CLEARLy hold up my theory that I am HUGE, but then I spend time telling my friends who are fatter than me that yes I AM as fat as them. It is odd. I regularly have friends (bigger and smaller than me) tell me that they don't think of me as fat. Maybe it is because I am tall and have long calves - or maybe I dress to hide it - or maybe I carry myself better than other fat people. Why is it that I feel the need to convince these poeple that yes I am indeed fat? Why can't I just believe them? I want to lose weight for MYSELF, because I know I look bigger than I feel like I should be. I don't know. I wish I could let go of my self impressions based on what others think. Maybe THAT should be my goal. Ironically, when I was feeling less concerned with what others thought I DID stop gaining. How can I get myself BACK to that?