Did NOT get up at 5:30 this morning

What an insane weekend. 12 loads of laundry (13 if you count the trip Brian made to the laundramat to wash our comforter--Connor's goal on Friday was to destroy as many beds as possible, so he coughed until he threw up on my bed twice and on his bed once. Because he couldn't hit Claire's bed, he instead spent the weekend dismantling the whole bed multiple times), two Girl Scout events, and a crazy amount of house cleaning. I've got a group of scouts coming to my house tonight to work on their Bronze Award and I didn't want them (or their parents) to see what a truly disorganized person I am, so between events and loads of laundry I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned.

I hadn't intended on really cleaning Claire's room, but while putting her box spring back on the frame last night (when I say Connor dismantled the bed, I mean it) I saw the filth under the bed. You know how cleaning tends to escalate? That's what happened at 9:00 last night. I started with under her bed, then branched out the areas around it, then ended up cleaning the whole room. We got rid of a bunch of the toys she no longer plays with so now she has room for a desk, which we've talked about getting her for a while. It looks great in there, but it means I didn't start on the family room until 10:30. When I finished that up at midnight, I went to the kitchen to make lunches. In that process, guess what I found? Mouse droppings on our counter! Bleah!! So then ensued a thorough disinfection of the kitchen and setting a trap for the little bugger. Gross. I finally got to bed at 2:30 and changed the alarm from 5:30 to 6:00. Like that'll make such a huge difference.

But we caught the stupid mouse. I used one of the Mice Cube live traps baited with a piece of Claire's leftover sandwich from Friday that I found in her lunchbox. Poor little critter got all the way in the trap and then decided that he doesn't like soynut butter and jelly sandwiches either. The bait looked untouched and the mouse looked miserable, but I sent him away with Brian for a trip to Linthicum, where I'm told that mice live long and happy lives.

Then while getting Connor into his coat to leave, I spilled his whole bowl of dry cereal all over the family room floor. I left it there for Davey to clean up. Or for the family of now orphaned mice probably living in our walls. They'll have their chance with the Mice Cube tonight.

Speaking of Davey, I must have the stupidest dog in the world. He never let on by his behavior of keen sense of smell that we had mice, and even with the mouse trapped and sitting in my kitchen all night, he never alerted us. But once I moved the mouse in its trap outside onto the porch THEN he saw it out the window and went nuts! He figures anything in our house is o.k. but something (or someone) on the porch is clearly a threat to our well being.

BTW, I realize none of this has anything to do with eating well or with weight loss, except to serve as an overly long explanation for why I didn't exercise this morning. For the record, I had lasagna for dinner last night. It was cheesy and delicious, but certainly not good for my diet. I had yogurt for breakfast to make up for it.

I'm a-sceerd

I was just sitting here thinking that tomorrow I have to weigh myself and I realized that I am afraid to do it. I don't WANT to know how much I have gained over the past several weeks. Especially since these several weeks include being snowed in, going to Reno and then Vegas and - well, that is about it... Sigh. I will do it though. Tomorrow I will weigh myself.

I need to do something. It seems to me that every few weeks I start off with fresh resolve - I will plan healthy menus, I will increase my exercise, I WILL stick with it. THIS time things will be different and I will lose weight. However, I have gotten to the point that I can't get beyond the resolve. I used to actually MAKE changes in my life. I would plan good menus, I would schedule more exercise - and then I would actually DO these things. Eat right, exercise more. However, never did I see the benefits to these changes. Oh sure, for very short bursts I would see a downward trend, but ALWAYS I would plateau at 12 pounds lost and then immediately gain more than 12 back. Even while doggedly sticking to my plans. The most sustained success I ever had was that year or so where I didn't gain weight. I didn't lose weight, but I wasn't gaining. That ended suddenly last summer when I - over the course of just a few weeks - I jumped up an additional 15-20 pounds (depending on where you start counting).

So I now look at the scale and think "Wow, I am as much OVER my initial starting point now as I needed to lose originally back then." (Or in other words - we started this blog with me needing to lose about 55 pounds, I am now about 40 pounds over my starting point.)

You know what really bothers me? From what I can figure out bariatrics - the branch of medicine that specializes in obesity - really only focuses on surgery and appetite suppression. I mean I know they also look at behavioral modification and diet and exercise, but all of it still with a focus on how to eat less. Seriously? I can go all day - or more - without eating anything and NOT feel hungry. I really don't think my problem is over eating. So what IS my problem? Under exercising clearly is part of it - but I think there is something more. I don't need a recommendation from my doctor to go see a bariatric specialist - but I think I will ask her for one anyway. Maybe what I REALLY need is psychological counselling. Maybe what I need is not a CPAP machine to help me breathe, but sleeping pills to help me fall asleep and then stay asleep.

Weekend Wrap-up

Nothing much to wrap up actually. I had my sleep study last night. It was horrible! That is pretty much it. I feel like I lost the whole weekend because of it.

I didn't exercise. I ate - not very much - but poorly. The only real food I had was last night - left over veggie stir fry.

I should get the results of this current study in a week or two. I don't know what the results will show, but I can tell you the CPAP machine is not for me. I felt like I was being smothered. I also didn't sleep very deeply - and I woke up with bloodshot eyes. I never have bloodshot eyes. I kept dreaming that the study was over, so every time I did wake up I was disappointed that I was still there and still had hours to go. Ugh! Again I say, hope that you will NEVER have to have a sleep study done. OH! and the machine made it impossible to roll over - so I was all stiff and sore this morning. Seriously, how can people sleep with them?

I think I forgot

I don't remember checking the blog yesterday. I have been so good about it - but I have NO memory of it yesterday.

I had to leave work yesterday at 11:30am to make it home by noon to wait for Servpro to show up and dehydrate my house. They got there by 1:15-ish and then were done by, probably 2-ish, but I didn't go back to work. I SHOULD have gone back, but by then I had taken off my shoes and tights and REALLY didn't feel like putting them back on. So, I didn't go back.

My house now has four big fans and three dehumidifiers sucking all of the moisture out of the house. I swear I can't stand being that dry! It seems that no matter how much I drink it does no good. Sigh. I should live in Hawaii. Hopefully they shouldn't be there too long since most of the moisture has dried naturally. They had to cut open the walls above the slider in the living room and then below each of the windows in the bedrooms upstairs.

I made a yummy stir fry yesterday for lunch since I was at home - brown rice, veggies, egg and a little bit of the Soy-vay hoisin sauce Sarah gave me for by birthday. I should have brought that for lunch today - but we were supposed to do a team lunch today. THAT ended up being cancelled. So I ordered a bento box from Greenleaf - which was veggie/shrimp tempura and a California roll. Yummy - but the fat has made me queasy all day. Of course, I have been queasy off and on for a while now. I keep telling April that I am having sympathy pregnancy symptoms. Of course, sometimes I have the symptoms before she does - so I don't know what the story is.

Anyway, I have my part two sleep study tomorrow night. Ugh - again. This means I can't sleep in tomorrow morning because I have to be able to go to bed by 10:30. Sigh.

Wish I could keep the reduced appetite without the nausea!

So I started feeling queasy a bit on Saturday and Sunday, and by Monday I was constantly queasy. I kept feeling hungry and thinking I could eat, but then I seriously regretted eating. By yesterday I was down to just a few tiny meals. I woke up today feeling marginally less queasy but completely weak (the consequence of too few calories, I imagine) so I still ate almost nothing. But after lunch (Mary made me grilled cheese! I didn't even ask -- she just was being wonderful!) I started feeling better, so I made it to the gym for the third day in a row, and this time after I finished on the bike the queasiness didn't immediately return. Thank goodness. I'm not 100% yet, but I've eaten a reasonable amount of food over the course of the evening, so I shouldn't be weak tomorrow.

In the meantime, my weight has plummeted! I wish I could cheerfully eat a dinner as small as a half bowl of soup and a half of a smallish quesadilla every night. I wish I had to work to get UP to my level of calories instead of keeping it DOWN to that. Only I believe I hate nausea more than any other symptom -- give me pain over nausea anyday.

My challenge to myself over the next three days is to exercise ONCE. Usually between Friday and Sunday I barely move. I used to get exercise on Fridays walking downtown in the afternoon, but that hasn't worked out in months. So I need to find a way to get moving.

Day off

When setting up my exercise schedule for this week, I took Thursday off so I could sleep "late" (if 6:15 counts as late!) and not worry about fitting in exercise around work and scouts. Girl Scouts was so much fun today--we're getting ready for our Community Event on Saturday so we made our display for Brazil, made carnaval masks and made brigadeiros, a traditional Brazilian candy. The kids seemed to like it, but I thought it was kind of gross. It's just sweetened condensed milk, butter, and cocoa powder cooked until it's gummy, then rolled into balls and rolled in chocolate jimmies or sugar. It was invented in the 1930's when it was too expensive to import sweets from elsewhere (why? Why did Brazil, a huge sugar and cocoa producer, ever have to import sweets?) and Nestle was pushing their new products. I'm glad that Brazil got the brigadeiros and we got key lime pie instead!

So nothing to report really, except that apparently I am capable of being around sugary sweet things without eating them all!

What I like about exercise

It's so easy to remember the things I hate about exercising, and I'm reminded of them, often painfully, every time I'm actually exercising or even just thinking about exercising. So I thought it would be beneficial, or even instructive, to list the things I like about exercising so I can refer back to the list when the "I hate this" feeling comes over me.

I like the clothes. More to the point, I like the idea of the clothes. I love the cool high tech wicking materials and the sleek compression tights and the cute running skirts that are coming into fashion and the colorful cycling jerseys and the precisely engineered jackets for keeping out wind and rain and keeping in warmth. Mind you, I don't own most of this stuff because it's all crazy expensive and I can't really justify most of it when I already have a drawer full of things from Target that do just fine. But people buy clothes based on how they'd LIKE to be seen by others, not how they really ARE, and I'd like people to think of me as one of the uber-cool women from the Title Nine or Athleta catalogs, who spend their days rock climbing or surfing and who have jobs like archeologists and ecologists specializing in dune management. They have rock hard abs and no hips, and I'm sure if I buy a running skirt I could be just like them. I'm thinking of taking up yoga just so I could buy some of the clothes.

I like those occasional moments during exercise when everything feels just right. This doesn't happen very much. Often never, sometimes once or twice in the 45 minutes that I'm sweating. But occasionally I'll realize that after stuggling up that hill, my heart suddenly is not straining to burst out of my chest and my breathing is normal and nothing hurts and I'll feel like I'm flying along and everything is in sync. It only lasts for maybe 15 seconds before my lungs start burning again or my ankle hurts, but it feels good while it lasts. I could see that if some people feel that way a LOT while they are exercising that they might be one of those odd creatures who just loves to run or swim or bike or whatever their sport is. For me, it happens more often while biking where I feel like I could just go on like that forever, but that's probably because we live in a place with rolling hills so when I hit a downhill I feel good.

I like it when it's over. You know that feeling you get when an exam is over or when you file your taxes or when the dentist hits the "chair up" button after you got a filling? That's how it feels to finish exercising. Painful horrible thing accomplished, don't need to dread it again until the next time. That's nice.

I like feeling smug. I may as well just be honest about it, and I think everyone who goes on and on about how great they feel because they exercise needs to admit this too. They don't feel great when they exercise. They feel great because they feel superior to the schlub next to them whose only exercise is walking into and out of McDonald's. We listen to the studies about how lazy Americans are and read the statistics about how little we move compared to our grandparents and we just feel smug because we know they aren't talking about us. This works even if you only exercise once a week. You're still ahead of most people, so you can feel smug. You know what the absolute best smugness was? Remember that super-sprint triathlon I did last year down in Bethesda? It was early in the morning and I got up, drove down, swam a few hundred meters, biked 10 miles, ran 2.5 miles, got back in my car and drove home--and my family was still in bed. I felt awesomely smug that day.

No weigh

It is weird the way one thing off in your routine screws up the WHOLE routine. I forgot to weigh this morning because I had no water. I didn't get to shower this morning - which means I didn't get undressed in the bathroom - which means I didn't weigh in.

I have been eating badly. Not a lot - just badly. Katie hasn't had school (no water) so she hasn't been making me breakfast. I haven't been making coffee (no water) so I have been going to Caribou on my way to work and getting coffee and banana bread for breakfast. I did have a tuna sandwich for lunch yesterday, today I had carrots, yogurt and a banana. Last night I had a leftover birthday Coldstone cupcake for dinner. Tonight I had spinach ravioli. No exercise.

I HAVE been going to bed mostly by my 10:30 pm bedtime, but I have been MORE tired during the day. In fact, today Suzanne told me that I look more tired than usual. I wonder what's that about.

The water is back on - at least for now, and hopefully for good. I need to go take a shower before I go to bed. I don't want to miss my window of opportunity.

152.0

But my body is at war with my stomach at the moment. I started feeling queasy occasionally over the weekend, and by yesterday it was pretty much steady all day. And it's that horrid kind of queasiness that seems like it would be better if you eat, and it is while you're eating, and then it's much worse afterwards. So I spent a good chunk of yesterday eating and wishing I hadn't eaten. Today I felt terrible at 5 am-ish, but hungry when I woke up at 8, so I ate breakfast and then was miserable for the next two and a half hours. Then I was starving and feeling great, so I ate a light snack and am now regretting it again. Ugh. This isn't progressing into a full-blown stomach virus, but it's keeping me semi-incapacitated nonetheless. Bleah.

I had three days of exercise lined up this week (we missed yesterday because Mary had to go to a Brownie meeting to work on her Junior Aide) but I genuinely don't know if I'll make today's, at least. It's frustrating, having such gorgeous weather, which makes me feel like getting moving, yet being unable to move!

A choose-your-own-weight day

When I got up this morning, I was 149.8. After my 25 minutes of pilates and stretching, I was 149.4 (which is kind of odd--it's not like pilates makes me sweat at all, and my heart rate doesn't go much above a resting heart rate since I'm lying down the whole time). Either way, I'm back into the 140's without the benefit of a stomach virus, so I'm happy.

I saved two puppies yesterday and one so far today. It was nice enough yesterday for an outside run at lunchtime, and it felt surprisingly good. I went out intending just to walk so I didn't hurt my back (did I mention I have orders to go back to PT for a tune up? My SI joint has slipped back out of joint. Not really badly, but enough so that the pain is low but constant and sharp when I'm lifting too much or standing for too long.) but running just feels better--I think it warms my muscles up better, which helps the pain, and it loosens the ligaments, which helps even more. Plus, it gets the workout over with faster. I walked several of the uphill sections, but ran a lot more than I thought I'd be able to. I ended up averaging 12 minute miles - more than two minutes slower per mile than I did in the triathlon, but not far off from my speed on this same route last year when I started running it. I just need to work back up to running the whole distance and I should be o.k. for the tri. Except for that pesky swimming thing.

Water back on - sort of

I did probably even less than Sarah did yesterday. On Saturday I managed to lose the whole day. I am not sure how that happened. I did get home very late on Friday night from work (like 10pm - I have no life!). So that put me to bed late. I didn't sleep particularly late Saturday morning - but I didn't have a lot of energy. That was the first day with no water - and so I never made any coffee - and THAT kept me dragging too. I don't even think I got out of my PJs all day - and I know I didn't eat a single meal. I was very thirsty (psychological I think) and drank TWO big glasses of OJ. I snacked on pistachio nuts - and that, honestly, is all I remember for the day. Oh - I had a banana. I then went to bed very late (1:30am or so) and had to get up by 7:30am to get dressed for the Servpro people - who arrived at 9:30am - and I sent away at 9:33am. I wasn't prepared or expecting them to tear out the walls THAT day. I thought they were just going to do an estimate.

But I was dressed.

I then made several trips with buckets of snow to melt to flush the toilets. Katie did several loads too. It takes a fair amount of snow to flush the toilets. And a long time to melt it.

I then went to Mom and Dad's to take a shower. Thank goodness. I was getting ripe.

Church was short since they had no water either. We were home by 5:50pm. This was good because last night was my first official night of going to bed at 10:30pm. I did OK. I was IN bed by 10:27. I read for a little bit - but turned off my light a11:53pm. I will get better - I hope. However, I didn't feel any more rested today than normal. OTOH, I don't remember waking up during the night, and I began my morning waking up at about 6am - as opposed to my normal 5am. So...

New resolve

I can't remember if I posted this or just thought about it, but one thing I noticed while reading through the blog from back when I was first successfully losing weight was that I was usually exercising twice a day back then--going to the gym or walking the dog and doing pilates (sometimes all three!). Of course, back then I wasn't so busy at work since I was new on the job and I didn't have nearly so many things going on in the evenings. But if I'm going to lose the weight I gained, I need to get back to that sort of schedule, so as of this morning I'm adding a morning session three days a week so I can do pilates then. I'm also going to try to do pilates both days on the weekends, so that'll give me five extra exercise sessions per week, even if it means getting up at 5:30 three days a week! My reward for getting up that early is that at least the exercise helps wake me up. And doing pilates in the morning means I don't need to allow time to change--I can just do it in my pajamas!

So, gorgeous day outside yesterday and what did I do? Nothing. Well, not nothing, but I never had a block of time when I could get out to run or ride my bike. It was church all morning, then feed the kids, then finish decorating the basketball cake. At that point we only had an hour and a half until we had to leave for the basketball party. If I had gone out then, I would have come back sweaty and needing a shower and there was no time for that. The party was fun (ate too much, of course) but it was dark when we got home and Connor was in full meltdown mode (he had been up since 3:30) so that was it for the day. At least I was able to get to bed early (Claire requested an early bedtime because of the stupid MSA tests starting today), which made the 5:30 wake up a lot easier.

Back to reality

So we had a fabulous weekend in NYC. I love it up there. I love not driving anywhere, walking everywhere, and just seeing and hearing everything the city has going on. I am always amazed though at how thin New Yorkers are on a whole. I know they walk alot, but I also know they almost never cook their own meals. We have never, in all our trips to NYC to visit Martin an Bonnie, had a home cooked meal. This trip was no exception. We went to A Salt and Battery Saturday afternoon for a late lunch (it's an English chippy) and then had take out Chinese rather late Saturday night. The fish was amazing at the chippy--so fresh, and even though it was fried the batter was really light and peels off very nicely so I could drench it in vinegar. And the chips were actual potatoes. I love when that happens. The Chinese was ok; I didn't eat very much of it because it was really late (like 10 pm) when we got it, and that just seemed like a bad idea. Sunday we went to a French place for breakfast. I had a totally sexy croissant and a bowl of porraige that looked like puffed wheat cereal only solid. It was delicious. Then we cooked Let's Dish at home last night for dinner.

We walked a ton both Saturday and Sunday. Saturday we went to my favorite stores in midtown and walked the entire Highline again. Sunday we went to breakfast near Union Square and then to the NYC Fire Museum. Fun stuff.

Now I have to face reality, and it bores me. I wish Baltimore was as walkable as NYC. It makes me laugh that when I google the distance between places in NYC and see that it is only a mile, I don't even think twice about setting off, but here in Baltimore if I have to go two blocks I'm annoyed. Why is that? Does that even make sense? How to I envoke that mentality on a daily basis?

The secret to weight loss...

... is apparently eating a dinner composed mostly of cheese-based appetizers and following it up with three desserts. And exercising not at all. My weight was down two pounds this morning despite having my worst food/exercise day since we got back from the trip. It seems so unfair that on days when I treat my body by the book I don't see any progress, then when I've been horrid I suddenly have some water loss and it jumps down. This is a major reason why people have such a hard time losing weight, I think; if the connection between good behavior and good results was obvious, and bad behavior and bad results as well, we'd all have an easier time being good.

OTOH, I have no reason to complain -- I did see a "new" (by which I mean "new recently", not "new entirely" low), which means the hard work of the other days is paying off a little. I just wish I were more excited about the whole process.

Just checking in...

We have had no water all day. I guess, Julie, you probably have been in the same boat. This is such a flashback to five years ago (or so) when we had no water for a week, no power for most of a week and a hurricane. (So I guess that was more than five years ago.) Anyway - so between the snow melting in, the loss of power for 28 hours on Wednesday/Thursday and now this, I am ready to move into a yurt somewhere where you NEVER have power or water and you always have snow melting in. Sigh.

Sarah, how do you eat so many fruits and veggies. I am proud of myself if I manage to get three in. I may have to focus more on that. Well, it is now four minutes past my weekend bedtime, and Servpro is supposed to be coming tomorrow between 8 am and 11, so I'd better get to bed.

Eating well, not exercising

Since cutting out sweets and insisting on buying *enough* fruit and vegetables to make them into snacks (always a problem with Brian--he does the shopping and isn't a big fruit eater and doesn't think of vegetables as more than a side dish, so he never buys enough of anything) I've been eating really well. I'm having 7 or 8 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, not snacking on junk after work and in the evening, and just generally doing better with my diet than I have in a long time. I haven't counted calories, but don't feel a big need to at the moment since my meals are the same that they always have been and my snacks are lower calorie.

Exercise, however, has been hard to come by. I've been on the go every day early morning until late at night. I've only managed one lunch break this week to get to the gym (I haven't been taking lunch breaks since I'm getting to work between 9 and 9:30 so I can get the kids on the bus, and then have had to leave by 5 two days this week instead of staying until 5:30 or 6). I'll get there again today, but two days at the gym in a week isn't good. I have no evenings either since I've got Brian gone Monday - Wednesday and I'm gone Thursday evening. That'll ease up in the summer, thank goodness. I'm hoping to get out on my bike tomorrow for a short ride, but I have to do a lot of baking tomorrow (basketball/school parties on Sunday and Monday), so can't stay out for long.

As expected, my weight was back up to 151.2 this morning--eating less is fine for maintaining my weight, but I really have to get in that daily exercise if I want to actually LOSE weight.

You've got to move it, move it.

I, that would be. I've got to move it move it! I need to start running or something. Katie and I have had no power since 2:30am Thursday morning. When it hadn't come back on as of 9pm last night (and the house was getting COLD!!!) I decided I would spend the night with Mom and Dad. I discovered last night that the mirror in Mom's bathroom is WAY less flattering than the mirror in my bathroom. Mostly because I could see MORE of me naked when I went to take a bath.

UGH! I am FAT!! I mean, this isn't a surprise to me - but it was WAY more unpleasant seeing it last night. I need to lose a 100 pounds. I don't know how to do that. The best I have EVER managed to do is lose about 12 pounds - but then I always gain it back with friends. Is sleep really the key? Before, water was supposed to be the key. All the books and articles on weight loss said so. I drink a lot of water. It didn't seem to help me. Maybe that is what I need to do for the rest of Lent. For the rest of Lent I HAVE to go to bed by 10:30pm. Have to. Friday and Saturday night I can stay up until midnight, but for all school nights I HAVE TO go to bed by 10:30pm. That would allow for me to get 8 hours of sleep each night (assuming I pass out as soon as I go to bed... Well, at least I will be IN BED for 8 hours). I wonder if that would actually make a difference? Regardless, it would help to set me up for good habits if the CPAP machine thingy does help me get better quality sleep.

I wish I hadn't taken that trip to Reno. It was fun - but it was expensive. And it would have been more fun to do something MORE FUN (like the folk school, or maybe a cruise or something). I am saying this because I have a hole in my dining room ceiling and I think I have to get a plumber to fix whatever is leaking in the bathroom, a tile guy to TILE the bathroom and then someone to come in and fix the ceiling and paint it. I don't know who to get to do these things. I am feeling like if they are going to be tearing up the rest of my house in the next month or so, I should just get THAT project done too. Does anyone know of a good general contractor?

No harm done

Well, maybe only a little harm. My eating this week while we were away was really terribly bad, to the point that by the last full day I'd given up entirely on even trying to keep track of what foods were going in, let alone how much. I did all right on the first day or so of the trip, but Outback killed that. Then each day I'd be all right through lunch, and dinner would knock me flat. Yesterday was a little better, with the drive; I was able to choose a light lunch, and then we had pizza at dinner, which I didn't overeat. I also didn't try to record the calories, figuring I'd start fresh today, on a normal day. My activity level was good the first two full days we were there, so I didn't need to exercise, but the third day was busy all day and my step count never got above 4,000 or so. I'm not sure when I could have managed to fit the exercise room in! In any case, my weight was still under 154 today, so I didn't immediately regain the pound or two I'd lost.

Today I'm back to normality. I've eaten light all day (and I'm out of almonds -- those are my healthy snack that I pace through the day, and nothing else seems to appeal to me the same way, so I'm down a few calories from a normal day) and we're having salmon and whole wheat couscous for dinner. I went to the gym and did my step class (couldn't get my usual spot where I can't see the mirror, so I was forced to observe my hips and butt for an hour -- ugh!) so I'm up to 8600 steps already, and I should be able to round that out to 10k before the end of the day.

Tomorrow is a busy Friday -- not much hope for me on exercise, but at least I also won't have time to snack!

First to check or first to post?

First, I want to know if commenting counts as writing on the blog? I have checked in each day, but I have mostly just been commenting.

So, yesterday I had an accupuncture appointment. I told her that I wanted to actively start "dieting" again. I have been steadily gaining weight - in very small increments, but increasing none-the-less. I know my experience with dieting has been very NOT effective, but I have to do something - and I have been pretty bad about eating since this fall. Actually I guess since this summer when Katie stopped making me breakfast. So - that has been the better part of nine months. Anyway, Shea did a really neat treatement for me to support dieting. I don't know if it was at all effective. It didn't stop me from eating junk last night - but the junk was less appealing to me. So, maybe now all I have to do is not eat when the food is not appealing.

I have rescheduled my sleep study part two for next Thursday night. It was supposed to be last night, however, I have this head cold, and my period just started, so I rescheduled. I don't know if treating my sleep apnea will help with my weight management, but it sure as heck can't hurt. As Julie said, getting a good night sleep is top priority for the road to happiness.

More rambling

I don't have a lot to say, but that's not going to keep me from posting!!! LOL.

So I have exercised Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Pretty good. Food has been ok; we haven't been overeating but we haven't been eating salads and water either. I have also been trying to go to bed when I am sleepy. Getting enough sleep was one of the suggestions in The Happiness Project book, so I am trying to take the author's advice and instead of crashing on the sofa to only have to get up and crawl into bed at midnight, I am trying to go to bed when I am tired. I have slept solidly through each of the last few nights. I can't say it makes me happier, but I am certainly not as exhausted as usual.

Well, I guess that's all. Happy Wednesday!

149.8

Nice to be back in this territory, even if I know it's probably from being sick all day yesterday! I'm still not feeling great today, but I'm trying to eat since I was getting shaky by the end of the day yesterday.

Claire was doing some homework last night about the C&O canal and now she's decided she wants to ride the canal. Not sure if she means "hey, let's go down to Great Falls and ride around a bit" or "hey, let's take a week and some camping gear and go the whole 185 miles." Either one sounds good to me. Probably will start with Option A to see how she does and how my bike does (nice touring bike, not exactly designed for the surface of the trail, though) and then move on to Option B maybe next summer. A leisurely pace on the C&O has you finishing up the trail in five or six days, so I could see doing it with an 11 or 12 year old in that time or maybe a bit more. How fun would that be? And I can't imagine a better trail partner than Claire. I generally like riding alone, and Claire is quiet enough that you're pretty much left alone except for when you want company. She's whiny when faced with minor discomfort (bedtime) but good with major discomfort (getting wet, dirty, and having to pee in the woods). Minor discomfort is an imposition. Major discomfort is an adventure.

Home sick

I think I got some historically accurate food poisoning yesterday. Last night we went to Medieval Times for the dinner and show, and in the night Brian and I were both not feeling well. And while Brian just had a slightly upset stomach, I had a REALLY upset stomach and ended up staying home from work today. Everything settled down by mid-afternoon, but I'm still not feeling 100%. I'm blaming the potatoes--Claire didn't eat them and she was fine. The sad part was there was a little voice in my head saying "oh, good, now my Tuesday weight will be o.k.!" I haven't weighed myself since last week so I have no idea how I'm trending. I've noticed that since giving up sweets for Lent I'm snacking a lot less--the salty snacks aren't really tempting. I made Brian get some more snacky types of fruits and vegetables so that I can have cucumber slices and grapes when I would normally have Oreos or, well, Oreos. That's really the only sweet thing we normally keep around.

Brian is back to work today! Yay! It's only a three month gig, but at least it's something. We STILL don't know what his hours are going to be--he's in training for two weeks from 9 to 5:30, but we don't know yet if he's going to get a 7 a.m. shift (which would mean we wouldn't really need after school childcare) or a 9 a.m. shift (which would require after-care; Mom and Dad are taking care of it during training, thank goodness, but it bugs me that this company is being so disorganized about staffing--surely we aren't the only ones who have to make other arrangements around the work schedule?). But what this means is that both my exercise and diet are going to be affected--I'm going to have to skip lunch breaks since I'll be going in late every day (to get kids on the bus) and will have to resist the temptation to gorge when getting home from work--I've gotten used to Brian cooking dinner and having it ready right after work. Now he'll be going from work to school Monday - Wednesday, so I'll be the chef those nights. Although, now that I think about it, this may be a good thing--when we started this weight/health process a million years ago, he was gone every evening and I was really good about portion control when I was cooking, and doing the cooking kept me from snacking.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that in May when his classes are over and this job is over, he's able to find a decent job (well paid would be nice! This current job is anything but that) with normal hours, or even better--back to third shift, which just worked really well for us. I'd be comfortable with Claire being home alone for a little while after school most days, but that'll never happen with Connor and our child care choices are really limited. There's only one place we know of that will take him, and it's really depressing and I'm not even convinced it's entirely safe.

Rambling

This past weekend kicked off a run of very busy weekends for us. Our weeks are no better during the semester; we both work all day every day, then Peter has class Tuesday and Wednesday nights, I teach Tuesday and Thursday nights, and somewhere in there I also have to find time for the online statistics class I am taking. I am out of practice for schoolwork; it took me 4 hours Saturday morning to get my lab assignment done. Sheesh.

Anyways, I spent all Saturday morning doing homework, then we had to get up to Marian's in PA to go to a Hershey Bears hockey game. We got home from that around midnight. Then I sat up reading a book I had just gotten about my friend Amy Mantay's close friends that were murdered back in 2002. It is such a poorly written book, and the whole story just makes me angry, but I couldn't put it down until some time after 2 am. Yesterday we had a slew of chores to tackle, and it was the Festival of Colors in India, so we went to my friend Sharad's house for a traditional meal. Ruchi is going to teach me to make proper curry. She also made this dessert out of carrots that was delicious. It reminded me of rice pudding, but not as creamy. So from Sharad's house we stopped at the grocery store. When we finally did get home around 7:30 pm, I spent 30 minutes on the treadmill while Peter acquired a pizza for dinner. Then I settled down and finished the poorly written book that angered me. I am glad I read it quickly and that it is over with.

I'm going to try to walk for at least 30 minutes each day this week and see how that works. We have a trip to NYC scheduled for this upcoming weekend, so I hope that doesn't destroy the tiny bit of momentum I have going from exercising 2x in 5 days. Totally pathetic, but better than 0x in 5 days.

Vacation eating

My calorie totals for today are scary. We ate brunch in the hotel dining room and I ate WAY too much -- I can't say "no" to breakfast foods! We didn't do lunch, though I snacked on pretzels and almonds. And we went to Outback for dinner (not our choice; we went with friends -- when you're in a town that's full of restaurants, why pick a chain you could find anywhere?) which meant too much food again. I did manage a step count of close to 9000 -- the kids and I walked around on the beach for a while, and I walked in circles while they hung out in the hot tub this morning -- but I find myself doing exactly what I wanted to avoid, i.e., eating more than enough extra calories to make up for the good I did last week. Sigh.

We stopped at a grocery store and got our own mini-Continental buffet for tomorrow (cereal, fruit, and pastries) so the kids won't be too upset when we don't go to the hotel breakfast again. Breakfast is not included with the room (expensive hotel, too) and I hate paying ridiculous amounts for only a little bit of food. Eating in should help me cut calories a bit tomorrow. We're going to walk down to the lighthouse on the island tomorrow, too, and the real walking (as opposed to in-room walking) will do me good. I'll try to be good at dinner and lunch, but it's SO hard when the menu options are so appealing!

I almost forgot to check in!

But it's Saturday and apparently nobody else visited, either, or at least nobody else posted, which would violate the challenge. I drove with the kids to the south end of Georgia today to join Daniel at his conference, so I spent 8 hours in the car. Rah. But we stopped at McDonald's for lunch and I only had the fruit 'n' yogurt parfait (it's on the dessert menu, I believe, but it's relatively healthy) plus about six French fries. And I ate fairly healthy on my snacks in the car, too -- I resisted the Girl Scout cookies and over the course of the drive ate a handful of pretzels, 1/2 serving of almonds, a banana, and a couple of grapes. I didn't do so well at dinner; Daniel had a conference banquet to go to, so the kids and I were on our own and we didn't feel like going out when we'd just arrived, so we ordered pizza. If I'd stuck to only two slices I would have been fine. Or if I'd left Daniel's bag of Doritos alone I'd just have come in under the limit for my calories for the day. But I didn't and I didn't, so I'm slightly over. But I also paced around the room while the kids were settling down to bed and managed to get my step count up to 7700, from about half that, so surely that had to help, and all told I didn't do THAT badly. I so don't want to get home from this trip and find I've completely undone the work I started this week. I was just getting enthused about the diet. This is a terrible time for a trip!

Spicy tofu

In honor of Brian's impending employment, and our consequent impending non-relationship (both at work all day, he in class Monday - Wednesday evenings until 10 or 11, me in scouts Thursday evenings and often Friday/Saturday as well = we don't see each other again until June!) we decided to go out for lunch today. We should have done this yesterday or any other day than today, because eating out on Fridays in Lent is just no fun if you don't like seafood. We ended up at P.F. Changs because their vegetarian choices are better than most, and I ordered a spicy tofu and broccoli dish. The good thing about tofu is that it's good for you and relatively low calorie. The other good thing about it when you're dieting is that it is kind of like eating flavorless jello, so you're not tempted to overeat. Add to that a really spicy sauce that had me sweating by the third bite, and the end result is that in spite of eating out for lunch today, I probably took in no more calories than I usually do (nutritional info on their website says I ate about 400 calories).

OTOH, going out for lunch means NOT going to the gym today, which means I only got to the gym once this week. OTOOH (on the other OTHER hand, or should that be OTFH - on the first hand), I was down a little over a pound this week, to 151 even. It's not great, but at least it's going the right direction.

Nothing to say.....

but I'm posting, anyway. We went to the dentist this morning for our annual cleanings and I finally took delivery of my crown that I have been waiting for since November. I may not be any lighter, but my bank account is!

Then we dropped in to see Kirsten. She was half awake but lying pretty much on her stomach. We bent down and she was able to see us and we each had a big smile from her before she decided to go to sleep. At first I thought she was snoring, but it was her roommate.

Now off to do some vacuuming!

Oh the Humidity!

Or lack there of in this case. I AM DYING! I can't stand the way I feel. I drink and drink and drink (WATER! Yes! Duh!) and I still feel dehydrated. I run back and forth to the bathroom (I have to count the steps... it is far away) and I still have such a sore throat! I got up twice again last night - and I was SNORING all night - which means my quality of sleep was very poor. The snoring is because the dry air dries out my sinuses too - so I feel like I have a VERY bad cold (achy from lack of sleep, sore throat from dry air and mouth breathing and a sinus headache). Sigh.

No Emily, I didn't exercise. I should have I know I should have. I took Ginger out to dinner last night. We did a buffet (her choice not mine, I am not a buffet fan). I ate all seafood and desserts and so was overly full by the time we were done (I drank two big glasses of water and one of decaf coffee). Anyway, afterwards we played the slots. Or I played and Ginger watched - which she says she loves to do, but I can't imagine it would be fun for her. But - I WON! I mean, I generally WIN because I usually try to quit while I am ahead, and you usually manage to get ahead at least once. But this time I REALLY won. I won $110 on a $2 bet. Hee hee. It was quite fun. I lost back down to $100 and then cashed out. Yippee! I don't THINK I would be a compulsive gambler, but it is probably a good thing I don't live near a casino. 8-)

Tomorrow we leave for our drive to Vegas. Sarah, everyone assures me that the drive is NOT a pretty one - but it is part of the country that I have not explored before. They also say that there are several towns we don't want to stop in. I am sure it will be fine. It sounds like everyone has done it at least once. I will need to convince Ginger to take me to a grocery store tonight so I can stock up on healthy snacks for the road.

A lower number!

I know I shouldn't care about individual fluctuations, but my weight dipped downward on the scale today. I've been in such a rut on my weight since New Year's that it's nice to know that the scale is capable of showing any other number.

I counted calories yesterday and struggled to stay close to my limit. The day before I should have been counting but didn't, and I know it would have been bad (I retroactively started putting the foods in yesterday and discovered that the ice cream alone was 2/3 of my calories for the day. Ouch). Getting that number on the scale today provides a nice motivation, when I haven't been excited about dieting in months.

Despite my car refusing to take me to the gym yesterday (it decided it wanted a new battery instead), I did get a little exercise; since I was already in my clothes and feeling a bit silly for being in them but not being sweaty, I did the 15-minute Walk Away the Pounds with-weights video. (I also paced around a lot while watching the Olympics so that I could get my step count up some more -- I hit 8400 by the end of the day.) Since I'd just done Nautilus for my upper body on Tuesday that meant I wound up with very sore arms today, which is bad because Thursday is my BodyStep day and we use our arms a lot. OTOH, the last time I went in there with an injured arm (actually an annoyance in my right shoulder blade) it shook out the last of the awkwardness, so maybe the class will work out the stiffness from the exercise, and then I'll just take it easy on the push-ups at the end so as not to cause muscle strain.

Craving Carbage

I was STARVING when I got home from work tonight, and I didn't want ANY of the decent snacks we had in the house. I eventually made some popcorn, had a few cubes of cheddar cheese and a single Hershey's kiss, but what I really wanted was a huge stack of pancakes. I love pancakes, and Peter hates pancakes (and waffles and French Toast THE HORROR) so I never have them. Even now I am sitting here fantasizing about IHOP and what I would pick off the menu. Sheesh--I got home from work 2 1/2 hours ago and I am STILL thinking about pancakes.

I didn't weigh myself this week; the scale is a depressing tool. I just made a list of all the chores and tasks (I differentiate based on whether something is repetitive or not) and I have enough to do until mid next week if I work straight through. Some one please tell me that it is ok to leave this list and go exercise!!! I have a significant problem with this.

I did finally buy 2010 calendar pages for my planner today, so I am hoping having that tool again will help (force??) me to schedule time for the gym. I was also contemplating a personal trainer for a few sessions to help establish an actual routine. When I lived a million miles from work, I would come home and immediately hit the treadmill. Why doesn't that work for me now that I live close to work? I am also going to try to take the train downtown more frequently. My office is 4 blocks away from the station, uphill both ways. Not even joking on that; there is a hill in between the Lexington Market stop and my office on Arch St. It crests at Eutaw. I usually get a ride to work because, honestly, the train is totally ghetto, and sometimes it is downright scary. I try to keep an open mind, but it just doesn't always work because some people just really do seem to be total losers.

Well, I think I may get up from this table, leaving all my work spread out across it, walk past the mess in the kitchen, up the stairs and into the exercise room and use that giant dust catcher we have that is also known as a treadmill. After all, I did make those poor Russian boys I hired to move us carry the darn thing upstairs, so I should make some use of it.

Hello!

I just had an e-mail from Emily suggesting I start checking the blog if I want to hear anything from my daughters, and over the weekend either Amy or Katie asked me if I'd been checking the blog. I haven't. I'd pretty much forgotten about it. But I have been wishing I could take off some of this blubber I have accumulated lately. Usually my holiday weight drops off pretty quickly, but not this year. I have to see my doctor for a blood pressure check on Friday, and I wish I could just get back to where I was the last time I saw him. Trouble is I can't remember what it was!

I am avoiding sweets and not eating between meals during Lent. I guess that's a diet, because I do check the scale regularly. My OLLI classes start Monday, and I will not pay a dollar for coffee and snacks, so that should help, too.

I lost a couple of pounds after Ash Wednesday, but the birthday part Sunday put them back on
again. Of course I am not exercising at all! Does knitting count?

I'm not good at not fasting

It's not that I'm inclined not to eat -- it's that if I don't go cold-turkey I don't have good restraint. WHY is it so hard to listen to my body and feed it only when it's hungry? I didn't count calories yesterday (good thing, too, because we went to ColdStone to use Alexander's coupon and I did NOT take the "sinless raspberry sorbet" or any other such nonsense) but today I am, and I'm not loving the numbers -- I'm going to have to show a lot more restraint this evening than I did this morning if I want to keep my calorie intake at the right level. I've always thought it would be so much easier if I could give up food entirely. I don't like how I feel when I don't eat when I need to, but I can eat nothing at all much more easily than I can eat just a SMALL serving of something. Today the pretzels came out at about 11 am -- the kids were hungry but it wasn't lunch time -- and instead of eating the half serving I planned to, I ate a whole serving (and didn't count very carefully -- it could have been more) and then ate a whole serving of almonds as well (I usually eat three one-third servings throughout the day instead of all at once) when I wasn't hungry at all.

I bought salmon for dinner tonight. I love salmon because even if I eat a fair amount it's very low in calorie and extremely healthy. So maybe I have a chance of surviving dinner with my diet somewhat intact.

Reno loves it's deep fried foods!

I don't know if it is just that I am hanging out with Ginger, but I seem to be confronted with a lot of high fat foods - which is making my stomach rebell! OTOH, being in the desert makes me drink a LOT of water. I was up twice during the night the last two nights - and in neither case was my night particularly long. My room has a scale in it. I was thinking about weighing myself, but decided I really didn't want to know. I haven't weighed myself at home in a long while, why would I do it when I am on "vacation?"

I didn't bring a bathing suit with me - but I am kind of wishing I had. I see the pool from the elevator when I am going up and down to my room. It looks very soothing. I should explore the spa/gym area. I DID bring exercise clothes with me. I usually do when I travel. I don't usually use them. Sometimes, but not usually.

Regaining weight

I heard this on NPR a couple of days ago and meant to post it then, but forgot. They are running a series about weight loss/gain and aging that has been interesting in the way that NPR stories are always interesting even when they have no relation to your life. But when you've lost 30 pounds and regained 20 of that in spite of regular exercise and what I *thought* was careful attention to my diet, it's even more interesting.

The story covered research on how your brain responds to food after you've lost weight and it turns out that under normal circumstances you respond to food using the logical/rational part of your brain, but after weight loss you respond with the emotional part of your brain, so you make stupid choices. It has to do with the depletion of leptin, which is associated with reward-seeking behavior. When your leptin is low, you eat Oreos even if logically you know you won't starve in the 45 minutes before dinner and you really shouldn't be eating these things.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=123894109&ps=cprs

My trip so far

I felt AWFUL! yesterday. I was flying Southwest - and while they give juice and crackers and stuff they don't serve meals. I left my office at 1:30ish and arrived in Reno at 10pm local time - 1am East Coast time. I ate two packs of Ritz crackers, airplane peanuts, a snickers, and a bag of cheese curls and I was feeling it. Oh - and a pack of baby carrots - the only thing I actually really savored! My stomach didn't feel empty, but I was craving protein like you would not believe. Unfortunately, by the time I checked in the only food place at the hotel/casino that was still open was the bakery. NOT what I needed.

Anyway, I slept HORRIBLY last night. Ginger and I sat at the bar and gambled (I made $5, Ginger lost $3) and drank - for free, the nice thing about casinos) for about another hour or so. By the time I went to bed it was 3am your time! I was overly tired and so couldn't sleep, and then kept waking up needing to go potty. I then had a whole series of weird dreams. Sigh. I woke up desparately wanting to do some yoga - and did a few stretches, but not enough... I ordered room service (I love room service) for breakfast and made it a standing order for the week. I very originally ordered two poached eggs, orange juice and whole wheat toast. It is much cheaper to eat at home!

I am STARVING now. It is 3:23 East Coast time - which I think my body is feeling - but only 12:23 here. Ginger is on the phone. I need to harass her to get me fed!

No more fasting for me

So last night the headache started in again, and by this morning two hours after breakfast it was coming back. I haven't had a hint of caffeine in almost a week, so I can rule that out. At this point I'm having to wonder if I'm clinically hypoglycemic! (My midwife (I saw her in September for my annual) wasn't surprised that I had had lowish blood sugar during one test I had a decade ago -- she said even though PCOS is often tied to diabetes it's really entangled with any blood sugar irregularities.) Whether I am or not, I couldn't even make it through a week of fasting except at mealtimes -- how did people do it pre-Vatican II?

I weighed in at 154 today (it's Tuesday, so I feel like I should say) which is still in the same range as before this weeklong experiment, so I can't tell that the fasting is making any difference in my weight, either. Looks like it's back to counting calories for me.

I'm having fun finding so many posts on here every day! Yesterday I didn't post at all -- I had nothing new to say, and there were SO many others! Hooray!

Hibernation station

Ugh. If this could be a one word post "ugh" would do it.

I had a pretty good December. I made it a point to exercise daily up until Christmas and then my routine turned intermittent.

Right now I'm loaded with a pack of excuses and I'm not happy about it. My brother moved up in early January then the bad weather hit and hit and hit. I have been freelancing and working several little jobs. I started my food blog and continued to job hunt. I simply have had trouble establishing a routine and working within what I was doing. Granted it was a chaotic couple of months but I could've been more aggressive with my scheduling.

I've managed a few workouts here and there and I use my time commuting running my Metro escalators and enjoying the walk from whatever parking space I find near the train.

But mostly I've been hibernating. I know that should mean I eat and eat and store up fat to sleep all winter instead of just eat and eat and eat all winter. Actually though I didn't overdo it during the snow --- I cooked relatively healthy food but really wasn't getting in any exercise.

It seems I'll be starting a new job soon and I hope to get rooted in a schedule that will provide me the opportunity to exercise. I will ensure that it will.

So bring on the sunshine and warm temperatures that I hope will motivate me as we move into spring ... one day soon.

Good to see everyone back!

I like Emily's challenge of checking the blog every day and posting something if no one else has yet. If I had been doing that in December, there would have been a lot of posts from me--after my orthopedist visit I kept waiting for someone else to post so I wouldn't be talking to myself! Then I gave up checking the blog at all for the most part.

Here's a quick rundown of what's happened to me in the past couple of months: went to PT for my SI joint problem. Spent six weeks doing PT. Got better. It was amazing, actually--I was in a lot of pain at the start and was thinking this would never get better and I'd have to get surgery or something, but then over the course of a week or so, it just improved daily until the pain was gone and I could do all of my normal activities again. I "graduated" from PT the last week of January and went back to my normal routine of three to four days at the gym each week, and keeping up my PT strengthening and stretching exercises at home.

And two weeks later I was in pain again. Aaarrgggh! It's not as bad as before, and I've been telling myself for the past week that I just need to redouble my strengthening and stretching. Cycling is still fine--I don't have any pain doing that. Running hurts, so I stopped doing that. And on Saturday I tried swimming again, and that was awful. It hurt as soon as I hit the water (I'm guessing from the cold) and when I tried swimming, the pain was unbelieveable--kicking at all caused so much pain that eventually I just stopped kicking and made it back to the ladder using just my upper body. I was glad that the pool I was in never got deeper than five feet.

So while I was worried about getting myself back in shape for the triathlon this summer, now I'm worried about being able to do it at all. There's no way I'm getting in open water feeling this way. I'm back at the orthopedist in one week, so we'll see what he has to say, and in the meantime I'll stick with the stationary bike at the gym.

As for food, I managed in one week to undo all the good I did throughout January. I had dropped about four pounds in January, then when it snowed I spent the whole time baking and eating. I actually haven't weighed myself since then - too scared to look - but I'm back to eating well, and I've given up sweets for Lent, so that'll help with overeating. All of my clothes are tight, and like Emily I have no spring and summer clothes left in my bigger size (if you all remember I started working at the college a month or so after we started dieting. When I started here I bought some new fall clothes in the size I was at the time, but by spring I had lost so much weight that my new spring clothes are all based on me being 135 pounds. Those don't fit me anymore!), so I have no choice but to lose weight before the weather warms up!

Monday, Monday

I am actually looking forward to today after having an incredibly grumpy weekend. I felt like my entire weekend was just a giant to-do list of chores, and it made me very unhappy, more so than usual for some reason. So, new week, new mind set.

I spent yesterday afternoon concocting a recipe for Cajun Jambalaya Pasta like you can get at Cheesecake Factory. I found a copy cat online, but it didn't seem quite right so I kept adjusting. Plus there were ingredients in the how-to steps that were not listed in the ingredients list. that annoys me :-) It turned out really well. As far as healthiness, I need to assess more formally, but I don't think it was totally awesome or totally awful--I loaded it with peppers, onions, tomatoes, then added some chicken, shrimp and spicy sausage, chicken bouillon, about a table spoon of olive oil, the Cajun spices, and then linguine. The online recipe called for an entire bottle of clam juice; I just can't bring myself to buy that stuff or use it. It just seems really gross to me. I substituted the chicken bouillon instead, and added some tomato juice. I think the healthy factor probably comes down to portion size given the pasta, but that is a guess. It definitely didn't have a lot of fat.

My exercise "schedule" is still off. I was planning to go tonight after work, but then Peter reminded me this morning that we are supposed to have dinner with friends tonight. Sheesh. I have class tomorrow night, so if I am going to get to the gym it will be nearly 8 pm.

I'm reading this book called The Happiness Project--any one else picked it up? I really enjoy it, and the author puts into words things I have felt for a long time but just couldn't verbalize well. for instance, I feel like just yesterday we were celebrating Christmas, but in reality it was nearly 2 months ago and we are almost at the end of February. One of the author's Four Splendid Truths is "The days are long, but the years are short. " I am really feeling this one right now.

Party tonight leaving tomorrow

I am concerned that I will break my streak of checking and posting on the blog DAYS after I start. Tomorrow I am leaving for Reno - and, while I will be working, I am not sure what my computer access will be. I will try however.

Tonight was my family birthday party. We had very yummy beef stroganoff and then carrot cake for dessert. I was not stingy! I am now feeling quite full. I am also trying to finish packing for my trip.

I like to travel. I like to stay in hotels. There is something peaceful about having a limited living space and very few items to distract you. However, I am also visiting Ginger, so I will be spending quite a bit of time with her - which, while fun, is not exactly peaceful. I am also sort of dreading a week of restaurant food. I LOVE eating out, however, I have been quite queasy for a while, and I am sure the fat, sugar and salt that comes with restaurant food will be overwhelming... Ah well, it will be fun.

Sunday

Today I'm allowed to eat between meals, but since we had early church and then Alexander's CCD I still didn't get any food in me until after 11! I hate missing breakfast. Since then I've been grazing. Despite the late brunch and the early rising (so I didn't get a full night's sleep) I've been feeling pretty good all day so that means I'll have a clean slate to start the week. Some friends are cooking Chinese food for dinner tonight, so I'm looking forward to authentic, high-calorie good food tonight, which probably isn't the best way to start the week, but I'm trying not to sweat the individual calories. I have four gym appointments this week, at least -- I don't look forward to the gym trips but I always feel better when I'm going regularly, and I kind of like having this step class to look forward to. It's variety, at least! And if I start getting too consistent at that, I'll add in BodyPump, which meets on Wednesdays at the same time -- that ought to do some damage to my routine!

Missing the point of fasting

I'm not sure that fasting between meals is going to be an effective diet for me. With Alexander's birthday party today, I managed to cram in pizza, Yoda Soda (Sprite and lime sherbet -- but just a small cup), and cake, and then for dinner we went to Moe's, so I had a burrito (half of it -- they're big) with real sour cream, and a beer to drink, and a pile of chips (I was ravenous), and then I came home and ate a brownie. So I ate a ton of calories, most of which were pretty much empty. That doesn't seem like a great approach to dieting to me.

I'm going to keep trying this approach for a week or two regardless -- I'm kind of tired of counting calories when I've been doing that off and on for four years or so -- and I'll see if it has any impact on what I weigh. But so far I don't like this approach that much because I also don't like how it makes me feel; I spend a lot of time feeling hungry, and I've had headaches the last two days (though I can't tell if that's from low blood sugar or because I drank some green tea on Thursday -- I know that's supposed to be such a lovely, healthy kind of tea, but over the past two months I've noticed that ANY caffeinated drink is leading to a headache the next day for me). I'm also tired, but I can't tell if my overall tiredness is diet-related or circumstance-related; tomorrow I will eat more freely, and then after that I have a normal week (i.e., no birthday parties, days full of school, and my usually scheduled exercise) so I'll see if the headaches and fatigue persist or not.

I ended up not getting exercise last night because the party prep kept me going until late. I was well over 7000 steps for the day; a normal day for me would be 2-4000 without exercise, so at least I didn't have a lazy day.

Stuff and nonesense

Katie and I (mostly Katie since it involved her going through the stuff in her bedroom) worked today on cleaning up the mess in the two leaky bedrooms. The adjuster for my insurance company is coming on Monday and I am trying to make it look like we are the most pristine housekeepers in the world so he will see that all of the damage in those room is solely the result of the water in the walls. Maybe I can also get new carpet for the basement... hee hee.

At this point I am not counting on anything, though. The most obvious damage is the warped and cracked frames around the windows and doors, and the smelly carpet upstairs, and the bubbling paint in the living room. Sam told me that they have a tool that reads for water in the walls - however, it has stopped leaking and the snow from the roof was removed almost a week ago. The carpets are still obviously damp, but I don't know what is going on inside the walls. I am concerned that they will say "Oh. No big deal" and LEAVE me with soaked dry wall that will then disintegrate in the next rainstorm. Sigh. Katie found purple and green stains on her carpet where something got wet and then ran. The windowsill in the sewing/Claire's/yoga room is beyond belief!

So the only exercise I did today was carrying the spare bed from the room upstairs down into the storage room. Pathetic.

So, on a more positive thought path... What if I AM going to have to get new floor/walls upstairs? I think I want to do a bright deep celery green with a dark wood/pergo floor in the yoga room. I will probably do the same floor in Katie's room - but I don't know what color. Obviously Katie will have a say in that, but I am thinking a rich wedgewood blue - both rooms with bright white trim. What do you think? I love my living room still, so I will probably stick with the same colors there.

Better get a bucket!!

I have eaten so much fat in the past two weeks that I am permanently queasy! I was REALLY bad when I was snowed in. I stocked up, not on milk and TP but on ice cream and potato chips. I don't normally eat those, why would I eat them while snowed in? Anyway - on my birthday (which I know doesn't count as lent or diets) I had fish and chips at The Still - DEEP FRIED! and then Katie and I had burgers at Red Robin for dinner. Yummmmmmm. Today I ate my left over fish and chips for late lunch/early dinner. I have been eating like crazy lately! I don't know if it is the cold weather or what but I have been CRAVING the fat and then eating portions much larger than my normal consumption.

I am hoping to get the floor put in in the small bedroom in my house. If not done by the home owners insurance, then I will get Home Depot to do it in the next month or so. I REALLY missed doing a full yoga routine when I couldn't make it in to the studion.

Ummmmmm. I still haven't decided what I am doing for lent. I know. I am a little behind. Maybe I will join Emily on the fast thing, only I may make mine more a focus on regular meals.

No exercise. No excuses.

Friday

I'm on my third day of not eating between meals and I can't decide if today is worse or better because of all I have to do. Normally being busy is good because it distracts me from the snacking, but today I had to go grocery shopping as the last part of my morning, and then immediately thereafter started an afternoon of cooking and baking. I'm taking dinner to a friend so I've been cooking that and making dessert (brownies) for her, and Alexander's birthday party is tomorrow so I just had to make a cake for that. OTOH, I was eating lunch when I started and now I'm not actually hungry, so that helps.

The worst part of yesterday was not eating when I was home for the evening. I had to go out right after dinner (good) but was back shortly after 9 and didn't go to bed until well past midnight (stupid Olympic skating!) and since I'd eaten just after 6 I was ravenous. I drank tea and that helped a bit. But tonight I don't even have the distraction of going out, so I'm going to have to find some way to distract myself. I suppose there's always exercise -- Fridays I can't usually find the opportunity (unless we have a sitter and I walk downtown to meet Daniel, but until basketball season is over my sitter is occupied), but tonight Daniel has dinner out with a visitor (fish sticks for the kids for dinner -- I should have thought to pick up the grown-up version, those frozen fish fillets!) so I'll be on my own for a while. Hmm. It's a thought.

Back to the cooking and the food prep! What are y'all working on, health/diet/fitness-wise? And who has checked in today?

Setting new goals

It seems universally true that we need new goals and a new kick in the rear end to get back on track. I went back to the first posts on this site, and challenge number one, courtesy of Amy, was CHECK THIS BLOG EVERY DAY. We didn't have to post every day but we needed to read what was new anyway. So I'm re-issuing this challenge. Furthermore, if no one else has posted yet, you are required to post so that there IS something new every day. And even if someone else has posted, you're not off the hook; you should still make an effort to post regularly. Yes, you. You know who I'm talking to. (Myself, I suspect.)

It struck me on Monday of this week that while I just managed to squeeze into a nice winter-ish dress at Christmas, I'm going to be in a bad way come Easter, because all my decent dresses are in the smaller sizes that I used to fit 25 pounds ago -- down at the bottom of our skinniness, when we were all at our low point since September 2005. Or at least close to it. I could squeeze into them up to 10 pounds ago, but this winter most of my dress clothes were dug out of the give-away pile (good (?) thing I'm a procrastinator about getting to the Y store) and they look like it. So I have a personal goal of doing whatever it takes to be able to wear a decent spring dress. I don't have any of those in the give-away pile because I passed the non-hideous ones along already, so it's either lose inches or wear maternity/nursing clothes.

I think the only reason I'm not back up over my starting weight is that I was still carrying pregnancy weight when we started. This fall I was back to my pre-Cecilia weight, which was not great to begin with. Thanks to yesterday's fasting I'm back under the overweight BMI limit, but I'm still not in great shape for my frame size. I was thinking I could try the old-style Lenten fast as part of my Lenten promises, but then when I was reading about the old rules and people who do them now, a writer pointed out that if you're weighing yourself every day you're not doing a Lenten fast: you're dieting, and you might as well admit it. So I'm still going to try fasting between meals, because I know if I give myself an inch I'll take a mile, but it's not a Lenten fast. It's dieting. I just can't see myself giving up the scale for Lent. I'm already giving up Cafe World and Treasure Madness!

So that's where I stand. I'm fasting between meals on non-Sundays, I'm exercising 3-4 days a week at the gym, and I'm going to check the blog daily, and if the rest of you don't post I'll just hang around here talking to myself.

Hmmm...

I check the blog every so often too, but I am usually too annoyed with myself to post anything. I am up a net 33 lbs from where I was when we started back in 2005; the situation is actually worse than that because I was down to the 150s in mid 2007 and totally, utterly and embarassingly trashed myself after that.

I've been having issues with plantar fasciitis in both feet for the better part of a year now, with my right foot being REALLY severe. I paid $1 million for a pair of shoes and they are making a difference. This was after paying $2 million at the doctor for a pair of inserts that I think someone cut out of a cutting board. They are so hard! The way my feet rub on them makes my heel numb. So I bought the Dansko shoes at the old lady shoe store and I am better, but definitely not cured or anything.

I have been inconsistently exercising since Christmas time. I was doing well in January, but then school started Feb 1 and I can't find a routine that works. Add in the ridiculous snowfall, and I am just a disaster with organization. I still haven't bought a 2010 calendar, and it is only a matter of time until catastrophe strikes because of that.

I am pretty unhappy with how I have handled myself over the last few years. I find that I am still putting everything ahead of my own health/well being, and I have to break through that mental barrier that says it is not ok for me to go to the gym instead of cleaning the house, getting the laundry done, tweaking my lecture for class, etc. I'm still trying to figure out how to do that. Any suggestions are welcome.

Emily--how do I add the blog to an RSS feed?

Amy--Let me know if you still have your Brick Bodies membership. I like the Bodyflow class on Wednesday nights at 7:30 in Reisterstown and my friend Amanda & I go to either Reisterstown or Owings Mills to use the machines. Our issue is that she likes to go at like 6-6:30 pm, and I either want to go early (5ish) or later (8:30ish.)

Hope you are all doing well!

I'm just checking...

Does anyone ever come here anymore? I check every few days - but nothing has changed in over a month.

So - Sleep Study part two is scheduled for next Wednesday. I am thinking that I want to try to make my bedroom more conducive to sleep first/also. Currently it is such a junk pile. I wonder if I actually CLEAN everything it would be better for sleep. I also want to get darker shades. I have always preferred translucent shades, but everything I read about sleep disorders says to make sure your sleeping space is cool and dark. Mine isn't dark. It is medium grey at best. I also am planning on getting new pillows with my tax return. I sleep with the same pillow I got for college (c. 1985) and the ones I bought within a few years of graduation (c. 1990). I need new ones... Good ones. My originals were all cheap at the time. Maybe changes like this will help me sleep with the GD CPAP machine...

Back from the orthopedist

I had an MRI on my back on Friday--the pain had become intense at times and my foot was regularly loosing sensation or just getting tingly, like it was asleep.

The MRI showed that I am extraordinarily short waisted. Well, that's not what the doctor said precisely, but that's what he meant. He pointed to my spine and said that spines aren't really supposed to curve out so dramatically at their base. Then he pointed to the sacroiliac joint (where the spine and pelvis meet) and said that one of my bones there isn't fused properly, which could be a congenital thing or could be the result of injury, which was most likely a repetitive stress injury. He said you see this a lot in people who play a lot of tennis, volleyball, and swimming (see, I KNEW swimming was a horrible sport!) but then said that the small amount of swimming I did to train for the triathlon wouldn't have done it. He said sports where there's a lot of forward-and-back movement from the waist can cause this sort of injury. He was more interested in what I had done much earlier in life, something I may have participated in long-term. I told him I hadn't participated in any sorts of sports like that, but then on my way back from the doctor I remembered, duh, rowing. Three years of five days a week in the fall and spring, all bending back and forth at my waist. A quick Google search tells me that 66% of sweep rowers on the senior national team have SI joint dysfunction.

So whatever the cause (as he said, could be congenital because of the weird shape of my spine. Thanks Mom and Dad!) the treatment at this point is anti-inflamatory drugs and physical therapy. If that doesn't work, we move on to injections, and if THAT doesn't work, then we move to surgery. I hope it doesn't come to that.

I'm kicking myself for not spending more time focusing on core conditioning this past year. I was so focused on doing what I had to do to make it through the triathlon that I ignored conditioning like that.

10 days left...

I weighed in today at 153, which is the lowest I've seen since Tromsø. Of course, I've blown it all by the way I've eaten this evening -- we went out to dinner and to a bar afterwards, so I've had a ton of empty calories. I missed two days of exercise over the weekend, which gives me only a day's leeway between now and Christmas, but I have all five weekdays booked for the gym this week, so there's hope that I won't cut too many corners in the next ten days. Today I did a 5k on the treadmill and it felt much better than it has before, and I got my max set in my pushups to 61, so I'm seeing evidence of improved fitness in several different ways. Oh, and my "fat" jeans were slipping down a bit this afternoon -- another good sign. But I'm still not willing to give up their comfort for the smaller size, even if they fit better -- loose jeans are just so nice!

12 Days of Fitness time!

It's time for the 12 days of fitness! We have 15 days until Christmas. You only get (at most) THREE breaks from exercise in that time (so don't blow them all in one weekend). Try to get in SOME kind of exercise every day, and try to keep some variety in the mix to keep yourself interested. If it's 10 minutes to midnight and you haven't exercised, run up and down the stairs. Or turn on Christmas music and dance like a fool (the kids think this is hysterical when I choose this form of exercise). Or start those hundred pushups you've been meaning to do. There's a lot of exercise that only takes a few minutes when you're desperate, and it's great for a pick-me-up when you're dragging. I don't care what it is you do, just do it!

Back to Basics

I am starting to really scare myself. This morning I hopped on the scale (actually, more like forced myself - resisting - onto the scale) and was once again FAT. Actually, I thought I was up today, but it just occurred to me that I was actually about 1.6 pounds down from last week. Regardless, my weight is considerably higher than I want it to be.

I ate like crap this weekend - pizza, burger, astronomical - waffle, popcorn, gingerbread, road food (girl scout cookies and pretzels in this case), etc. OTOH, I did a lot more walking than I normally do. My feet were killing me, but I did notice on Sunday that my butt muscles were acting less flabby. My feet are still killing me. I feel like I have spikes poking up into the arch of my right foot and the ball of my left foot.

So I woke up this morning deciding that I really need to get back to the basics of dieting. Eating lesst (and right) and exercising. I have already decided that I am going to dramatically reduce my sugar intake once the holidays pass. That is going to be no refined sugars or alcohol. Things made with agave or sweetened with fruits are fine. I am considering going back to reduced gluten, but I think I want to attack just one thing at a time. In the meantime I want to get my regular eating under control. I am going to set my Daily Plate goal to 1800 calories (the recommended calculation it gives me is 2046 to lose 1.5 pounds per week - I think that is too high). I am going to pay attention that I am hitting that goal each day (not too high, not too low...). And I am going to start doing SOME sort of daily exercise. I don't know how much I can do or how often, but I want to really really get rid of the extra 20 pounds that I added on since last year. I hate that the amount I have to lose keeps building. At this point I would be SO happy to be able to just maintain for a while!

18 days of Christmas -- feelin' good

One week down about three to go ... it's amazing what a week can do. I exercised each day and even got out for a nice, though wet, walk on Saturday during the crazy snowstorm to take photos.

So I've been doing about eight exercises a day -- 3x10 -- with either 10 or 15lb weights. Sometimes I do them all at once, sometimes I divide them up. I've done a bunch of lunges, dead lifts and squats and haven't had any issues with my knees. Whew. I highly recommend dead lifts. If done right you will feel it. I tell you though, Mike Heatlie is right, those exercises -- lunges, squats, dead lifts -- work many many parts and I can feel the difference in only seven days.

Today I did walking lunges and actually really liked them even though they kicked my butt. I can say right now that my butt is a burnin'. Feels good.

I've also done some good biking on the trainer -- mostly interval -- one minute fast -- two off and so on. When I take the metro into DC I walk all the escalators etc.

The biggest positives -- I'm not stiff in the morning -- this is after one week -- and my right shoulder that has been killing me for months (I couldn't lift a cup of coffee into the microwave over my stove) is actually feeling pretty good. I can't quite do a full pushup with my body weight but I can hold my weight with my arms outstretched. Planks weren't ever a problem. I can't even tell you all how happy I am that my shoulder is improving. I'm getting a massage tomorrow and I'm hoping that some of the general tightness I'm experiencing will be fully released. :-)

In addition, my food was pretty good. I made every meal and focused on good veggies and proteins and I mixed it up a bit so I wouldn't get bored. But I kept it simple. Oatmeal with fruit, yogurt with fruit and I tried a new baked egg recipe that was delish. Also no alcohol at all last week. I'm trying to reserve that for any party-going.

So into week two I go.

25 Days of Christmas

So I saw Emily's challenge for the 12 days of Christmas but I decided over the Thanksgiving break that the situation is more desperate. I really need a routine and figured I could use a month before the holiday so it's the 25 days of pain before Christmas. I'd really like to take advantage of my semi-unemployment.

Here's my goal -- to do some exercise every day and keep my diet in check. But with a different outlook.

I went through my old routines, read up on some new stuff (Mike Heatlie) that suggests focusing on weight training instead of cardio and put together a new schedule.

I have about 30 different exercises, nearly all working several different parts of the body at once with weights.

My plan is to spend between 20-30 minutes a couple of times a day on the exercises and throw some cardio in for good measure. I pick out say 4-8 exercises at a time and I can do them in my livingroom. That's the key. No gym.

I went grocery shopping and am set on food. Today went well.

At least that's a start.

Slow progress, but progress nonetheless

Despite Thanksgiving, I did manage to drop a pound from a week ago. I am still using Daily Plate, mostly honestly -- though it fell apart over the last couple of days of our trip. And I went running twice and walking once and did some walking by accident one other day (we were looking for a lost rocket -- never did find it, but I picked up a lot of steps in the process) so my exercise wasn't too bad. This week I have four appointments at the gym, though our weekend trip will be another challenge.

My push-ups are back to improving. I got stuck at 40 as my max for a while; it doesn't help that I'm only managing about two days a week instead of three on the program. But I just finished up week 5, and in that week you switch from 4 long sets and a max set to 7 shorter sets and a max set, and for some reason that's the boost I needed, because yesterday I did 50. Ish. It was really 49 with sort of a caving-in, last one tagged on to reach that magic number. I have an exhaustion test coming up on Wednesday, where you just try to do as many push-ups as you can without stopping, so we'll see how I do. Last time I did one of these I didn't get any further than my previous day's max! I am amazed that I could even make it to the vicinity of 50; at my peak in past years, I could only do 20 in a set, and 50 TOTAL on the day. Yesterday my total was 200! The only thing really holding me back at this point is my ability to keep my core muscles engaged (to use the buzz-words from the exercise videos these days) -- in short, I have to keep my ab muscles tight to keep my back from aching, but if I do that, after a while I forget to breathe.

We're into December now -- on the 10th let's start 12 Days of Fitness, where we get 12 days of exercise in before Christmas, preferably 12 different activities -- different machines, different environment (treadmill and road walking/running are different) to shake us out of any rut we may be in.

Back on track

Unfortunately, it is the track I don't WANT to be on. I am now 40 - FORTY - as in FOUR OH! pounds up from when we started this diet four years ago - which means I am back on track for gaining an average of 10 pounds per year in the last 10 years. What worries me is 20 of these pounds have happened in the last 8 months. That is a pretty fast gain by anyone's standards. Also, I can honestly say that you can't really see gain or loss of about 10 or so pounds on me - but this is VERY noticeable. Expecially since I am not getting any taller. In fact, I think I am getting shorter.

So, Katie and I were trying to figure out today what we are doing differently. Exercise, clearly, has always been a problem for me. I can't say it is much less than it was LAST year. I mean I was only doing my Wednesday yoga (which I still am) and walking to church. I have cut out the walking to church bit. I was doing water aerobics somewhat regularly - but still only one day a week at best, and that was only for about three months. I think when I DO (periodically) get into the habit of going to the gym, it usually lasts about a month or so and then I stop. I haven't had one of these month long gigs since Sarah's birthday party. I go periodically, but not regularly. Next, I think I need to stop eating sugar. I HAVE been eating Girl Scout cookies. Not daily - but frequently. I also have been having a drink or two after work. Again, not daily - but more often than I used to. Everytime I DO have a drink I think that it isn't the alcohol I want, but the sugar it contains. I know this! Finally, I need to stop getting older. I am sure that some of the changes I am seeing are based in the fact that I am getting older - but I wouldn't think it would be THAT much that fast!

Anyway - I am going to see my doctor in two weeks, I will discuss all of this with her. In the meantime, I need to do something. The planned meals have helped to a degree, but I need to tighten them up - more fruits and veggies, less bread and rice. I also have to start going to the gym again. I want to shoot for after dinner. Katie can't stand waiting for me to come home from work to eat (which is usually around 8pm as it is) so I just need to not sit down when I do come home, but get in my exercise clothes as soon as I walk in the door, and the get to the gym by 9pm!