Thursday, November 28, 2013

Complete collapse

I haven't posted in a week, partly because I've been busy and in a place where the network connection is less than ideal, but mostly because I've fallen apart completely as of last Friday afternoon.  We had Happy Hour (as usual) on Friday night, and then a wedding on Saturday (but I didn't think I did that badly; I had a few glasses of wine but otherwise my calories were good), and I'm not sure what happened after that -- I just couldn't get enthused, I guess, and that's no excuse.  On the road I did get a salad for lunch, but since I got to Alabamaville I've done very poorly.  There was a huge bowl of candy corn, when I thought I was done with that vice for the year.  And a bowl of mini candy bars, which were easy to leave alone as long as the candy corn was there, but once the candy corn was decimated I delved into chocolate territory.

Breakfasts don't help.  I'm making sure to eat some of the fruit that is offered every morning, but generally speaking, Alabamaville breakfasts are refined carbs and high-fat proteins (otherwise known as "pigs in a blanket", "French toast with bacon," and "banana bread and cheese").  I try to minimize the carbs -- how can anyone EAT this much white flour? -- but it's hard to eat appropriately without being completely rude.

Fortunately(ish), Thanksgiving has not been a huge calorie-fest so far.  I'm venting about it here because I can't be rude on Facebook about it.  But what is the deal with "dressing" and how can anyone think that it is good?  Corn bread crumbled into gritty bits and cooked with fat and celery is not my idea of a Thanksgiving side dish.  They should have just left the cornbread alone rather than trying to pass it off as a stuffing substitute.  The mashed potatoes were pretty good (but too salty) and the turkey was also good, but the pleasure was lessened because the gravy is yellow and full of crumbled-up hard-boiled eggs, making them something of a minefield for me.  Blargh.  The green beans were Southern style (heavily salted and cooked beyond recognition) and the corn was oily.  The South has apparently missed the "steam your vegetables" memo.  The bread was excellent -- Sister Schubert's dinner rolls, and I actually used butter, because it's Thanksgiving, after all -- but I can't gorge on bread without making it obvious that I'm avoiding the homemade side dishes.  I hate to be a Scrooge (or the Thanksgiving equivalent), but, seriously, popcorn and jellybeans would have been perfect today.

On this blog I'm supposed to be celebrating the healthy eating successes, not complaining about the wrong food.  So, yay, me, I didn't overeat.  But it's Thanksgiving, so where's the fun in that?  I can diet tomorrow.

There will be pecan pie later.  It doesn't taste like Mom's, but I've never met a pecan pie I don't like, so I should have plenty of opportunities to overeat later.

There wasn't any wine with dinner.  I forgot that about Thanksgiving -- they always serve it early here, and that means iced tea, not wine.  And Daniel and I had brought wine as our contribution, since we can't cook and bring it along for 465 miles.  Fail.

I know this is very un-thankful of me.  I am thankful for all the things that matter, and at least there's no shortage of food in my life.  But Thanksgiving in Alabama always makes me homesick for Thanksgiving in Maryland.  (But Thanksgiving in Maryland also means Christmastime in Alabama -- and I like New Year's in Maryland even more than Thanksgiving in Maryland.  So I'm pretty much just a whiny, ungrateful person.)

Tomorrow we drive back home (another salad in the car) and then maybe I can get back on the diet and exercise train!

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Tuesday's weight

I didn't get a chance to post yesterday, but my weight was 148.8--1.2 pounds down from the week before.  Yay!

I had another one of those diet-by-dentist days yesterday where I spent an hour getting a filling during the time of the day when I tend to have the munchies.  I really need to stick with that. It just seems to work for me.

And tomorrow starts the annual month-long calorie fest!  Yay!  I'm kicking myself now for not getting serious about losing the weight I had gained earlier.  If I had just started dieting for real four weeks earlier than I did, I could now be at a weight where I could just enjoy the holidays and not have to worry about everything I put in my mouth.  Kick, kick.

Monday, November 25, 2013

I thought today was Tuesday!

I don't know why I'm so messed up--I keep waking up thinking it's the wrong day.  Today I woke up thinking it was Tuesday and time to weigh in.  By the time I made it to the scale my mind had woken up, which means I still have one more day to lose the .2 pounds I need to lose to make it to a full pound lost this week.  Man, the second week of a diet is not as much fun as the first!

I actually got some exercise this weekend.  Well, Friday and Saturday.  Just walking and (heavy) yardwork, but at least it was something.  And in spite of eating really terrible food (terrible FOR YOU, not terrible food--the food was really good, especially the pumpkin pancakes with cinnamon syrup I made for dinner last night) I stayed within my calorie goal for the whole weekend.  And I still haven't touched the Girl Scout cookies.  It really is amazing how you stop craving sugar when you stop eating it.  I've been separating out the cookies and haven't even been tempted to open a box.  All bets might be off once I open a box for the kids, though.

And progress on the exercise front--I packed my gym bag to take to work this morning!!!  I didn't actually bring it with me, but I packed it!!  I accidentally-on-purpose left it at home because my arms were full of cookies for my coworkers. I should punish myself for this transgression by forcing myself to take a walk in the 22 degree weather wearing my work clothes.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Rough week

After Tuesday, things got really busy.  Well, not as busy as last week actually, but stuff conspired to keep me away from my computer.  On Wednesday I arrived to find that my computer wouldn't boot up properly, so I didn't have access to it until the afternoon, then yesterday I spent all morning and part of the afternoon at home waiting for the plumber.  Both of these were really bad timing because I had two grants due this week. I just finished one of them, so I'm taking a moment to update here.

Not that there's much to report.  I went over my calorie goal twice this week, each time by about 100 calories--not enough to do major damage, but more than I need to do, especially with getting no exercise.  I blame the bread.  I got a couple of loaves of sourdough bread from Atwaters earlier this week, one for dinner at home and one for a potluck at work.  Of course they won't sell you quarter loaves, which is about what I needed for these meals, so now I have this delicious bread hanging around, and I can't stay away.  A slice of bread doesn't make me feel guilty like, say, a Fun Size Snickers might, but it has the same effect on my diet!  My weight is staying steady--amazing how you can lose weight so quickly one week and have it grind to a halt the next.  Next week's goal will be to get three days of exercise.  Just three--I'm not aiming for the 10 hours a week I got at one point in my life!  An hour and a half in a week will do fine to start.

I also need to get a new battery for my pedometer.  I think wearing it encourages me to keep moving, even on days with no exercise.  Without it, I don't stand and march in place while brushing my teeth, tyring to hit the next level before I go to bed, and I don't take the long way around campus to get back to my office.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Still chugging along

Yesterday I walked to Kroger and came back carrying groceries in my backpack.  A little wimpy for exercise for me, but better than nothing, which is kind of my mantra this time around -- ANY activity/dieting is better than the NONE I've been doing.  I was very short on calories last night, so I allowed myself a beer, and today my weight was down a little more.  Why do I get rewarded when I make the unhealthy choices?

Today is a usual Thursday -- piano lessons, Girl Scouts, all-evening cantor and choir practice.  So from here on out my day is pretty full.  And I didn't get around to exercising earlier.  I don't want to miss today, since I already missed Sunday and Monday this week; maybe I should be jogging up and down the stairs instead of posting?  Ugh.  Maybe not.  I'll try to think of something!

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

REAL exercise

Yesterday afternoon it was absolutely beautiful out, and at one point I had all the kids working independently, so even though I wanted to sit on the sofa and waste time, I decided I would get outside and exercise.  I couldn't get enthused about going for a run, even though that would be quick and a high-calorie burn, so I decided to go to the trouble of getting dressed for a bike ride and going out.

It was awful.  It has been a couple of months since I've gone for a real ride.  At least.  Maybe three.  First I had stink bugs in my cycling shoe, which I discovered after I'd put them on; I felt one, took it off and saw two, and shook out four.  Then I looked again and saw one more.  Ugh.  Fortunately the other shoe was clear.  But it was an inauspicious beginning.  Then I went out on a ride and figured I'd just try the Huckleberry -- the hills aren't too bad and there only a couple that require a real effort, and it would be about 11 miles round trip so I'd have time to get it in before I had to be home to take Cecilia to Chorale, with time to spare.  But the stink bugs and pumping up my tires had delayed me, and then I turned out to be really, really slow.  I had to use the granny gears to get up the smallish hills.  And halfway through I discovered I wasn't wearing my watch, but I didn't remember taking it off -- fortunately it turned up at home -- but I spent the ride back worrying about whether I'd lost it on way out, and wondering whether I could even see it among the leaves if it was there.  I finally made it back home nearly ten minutes later than I'd hoped and barely in time to get Celie to her practice.

My legs were aching last night; they are fine this morning, but my shoulders are a bit sore.  But I'm really not that discouraged.  I still enjoyed riding quite a bit.  I layered up against the cold (it was 40ish) so it wasn't at all bad in that sense, though I was cold once I got home and relaxed.  As the weather gets colder it's going to be harder to enjoy the ride.  But a couple of years ago I rode right through the winter.  I would put the hood up on my coat under my helmet and wear my fleece cowl over my chin, and I have wool socks and toe covers for my shoes, and it wasn't that bad.  So I could do this again.  So long as it's sunny and not windy.  And so long as I can take a hot shower afterwards, which I couldn't get yesterday -- that would have helped a lot.  And maybe come spring I won't be a beginning rider again -- I can get that out of the way during the season when nobody else is out riding much.

I actually got all the way up to 1200 calories yesterday and drank all my water (8 cups).  Today my weight was at its lowest point yet.  Progress!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

143, Two Days Running

Yesterday morning I weighed in at 143, a full pound up from my Saturday dehydration state, so I was hoping for a bit less today, but it still came in at exactly 143 today.  That is two pounds down from last Tuesday, though, and almost three from last Monday, so I'm moving in the right direction.

Yesterday I did NOT figure out how to get exercise in.  Today I haven't done anything so far, either, but my schedule isn't nearly as packed (only ONE Scout event this evening, though one got cancelled last night, not that that helped the scheduling since I still had to plan the time to get there right up to the  minute it was cancelled), so there is still hope, and the kids are almost finished piano, which would mean I could have the TV for exercise if I have the time.

I haven't been snacking -- much.  That is, I have, but well within my calorie restrictions; I ate a fake Samoa (I just hate typing "Caramel deLite") after lunch and had popcorn and another cookie after dinner.  I need to get back to evening smoothies; it would be better than rounding out my calories with less healthy options.

150! Or maybe not.

Got up this morning, weighed myself immediately--150.  Woo-hoo!  Three pounds down from last week, a little down from yesterday.  That weight seemed legitimate.

Then I went downstairs, got breakfast for Claire, went back upstairs to take a shower and weighed myself again.  151.4.  Huh?  How is it even possible to gain 1.4 pounds in less than ten minutes while eating and drinking nothing and only walking around a little bit?  So I'm not sure which weight is my "actual" weight, but in either case I'm on a downward trend and that's where I want to be.

Yesterday was a pretty good day.  For the first time in a week I didn't snack at all, and didn't get into the candy bowl at work (that may have had more to do with the fact that the candy bowl was down to the post-Halloween dregs, consisting of just a few of those flavored Tootsie Rolls, and not even the vanilla ones that are at least a little bit good.  Why do they even bother making orange and lime Tootsie Rolls?  They are always the last thing left from the mixes they sell - and from what I can tell they are *only* sold in those mixes - and as far as I know, no one actually likes them.  Have you ever seen anyone dig past the chocolate Tootsie Rolls to get to the orange ones?). But my pedometer is still in need of a battery and I still didn't get any exercise, so I can't say it was a perfect day.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Weekend update

Like Emily, I didn't completely tank this weekend either, AND I haven't eaten one Girl Scout cookie yet.  We've been too busy.  We'll separate the cookies tonight so we can deliver them and THEN 'll eat cookies.

I gave up tracking calories on Saturday--I know I went way overboard, but one day off a week is OK, right?  Sunday I didn't eat well either, but I kept my portions smallish and didn't snack at all, so even though we went to Noodles and Co. for lunch and I made sausage, eggs, and biscuits for dinner, I only ended up 100 calories over my goal for the day, and between that and actual exercise (running!  Walking!  Pacing around for two hours at a Girl Scout event!  Laundry (that's exercise, right?)!) I made it through the weekend without gaining any weight between Friday and Monday.  I didn't bother to check my weight on Sunday.

My pedometer chose Sunday morning to refuse to work.  There's a blinky "low battery" warning light and the instructions say it won't count any more steps until I replace the battery, so on the ONE DAY that I wanted to count my steps because I'd almost certainly have an impressive number, I wasn't able to do it.

So I'm now one week into this - yay me - and according to the scale I'm 2.5 pounds down for the week. Another half pound and I'l be down into the 140s, which is where I gave up the last time because once I hit a number beginning with 1-4 I decided that was close enough to my goal and it was time to overeat again.  This week we've got a Thanksgiving potluck at work on Wednesday and Girl Scout cookies all week, but otherwise no obvious opportunities for overeating.

Girl Scout cookie purgatory

I'd call my home "Girl Scout cookie hell," but that's where Sarah's living, and where I'll be in a few months.  I do this every Lent, actually -- I give up sweets or go on the game or do something ridiculous like that, just when my house is loaded up with cookies.  Fortunately I have many helpers getting rid of the cookies for me, so I can feel guilty if I take the cookies away from them by eating them myself.  Next month is Christmas cookie hell, also a fun time.

I only semi-tanked this weekend.  I ate very carefully all day on Friday, until I went out drinking, when I had two cocktails (some kind of lemonade, very yummy), two glasses of wine, two creamy shots (a Dirty Girl Scout, which I highly recommend -- Thin Mint flavored -- and a Slippery Nipple), and a porter.  But aside from the liquid calories it wasn't outrageous; I had a salmon dinner over mashed sweet potatoes, and a generous pile of broccoli.  Doubtless it was all drowning in butter, and I was a Good Eater.  So, calorie-wise, if I'd skipped all or most of the drinks I probably would have been just where I was aiming, but instead I was a good thousand calories over, I suspect.  My weight was way down on Saturday morning, even after I'd gotten up at 6 am to chug some water and Tylenol before going back to bed for an hour and a half.

Then I ate my usual breakfast on Saturday morning (cereal and milk, though I was a teensy bit short on the cereal, and I can't remember if I ate any almonds afterwards) and I stuck to an apple-pecan chicken salad for lunch.  And at the party I showed restraint; I didn't drink, and I tried to stick to a few pieces of fruit and veggies, and some hummus on chips and bread, and not much of that.  But I ate one piece of cake and then I had a whole s'more even though I only meant to have a marshmallow.  It's funny how that happens.  At Mom's, again, I showed a teensy bit of restraint; I ate a reasonable dinner portion and drank water.  But I gleefully ate dessert and even had whipped cream.  I have no clue how to count calories for the day, but I was certainly well beyond a healthy range, and but for the salad there wasn't a lot of nutrition in my day.

Yesterday I did count calories, and I hit it almost exactly.  I again had a yummy salad.  But no exercise.  I haven't exercised since Thursday, though I did a fair amount of walking downtown on Friday, so that day wasn't a total loss.

I'm in my routine now, so I'm eating reasonably today.  But I haven't worked out how I'll exercise today.  I didn't get up early enough to get it in, and I'm about to start my driving-all-day routine -- kids to art class far away, kids FROM art class far away (and I have Celie with me, so I can't drop them off and go for a walk in the neighborhood), Mary to a Scout event, Xander to a Scout event, pick up Mary from Scout event (I should be able to do the last two in one trip), pick up Xander from Scout event.  And get to the grocery store for supplies (chocolate -- the Boy Scouts have copied our s'mores) for Scouts.  I'll get my exercise getting in and out of the car.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Strive for Five

OK - So - I have very different goals than you all do.  Well - actually very SIMILAR goals, but with a different end in sight.

I had my gall bladder out last summer - over a year ago - and I have not exercised significantly since then.  I could probably list every bit I have done off the top of my head.  It is NOT much.

My weight has been rising.  That is par for the course.  I did that big leap summer 2012, and have just done little, gradual climbing ever since then.  However, recently I feel like I have been worse than normal - maybe it is just the Halloween candy - or maybe because winter is coming and my joints are aching more.  I finally weighed myself about two weeks ago and I am not as high as I thought, but WAAAAYYYY higher than I thought I would ever be.  I will weigh in tomorrow with a number.

My experiment with seeing a specialist was mostly a failure.  My weight held steady the whole time.  I had several tests done and I found out that I should be eating 1800 calories a day, my breathing is slightly restricted, but didn't respond to inhalers, my bp, cholesterol, etc are good and my blood sugar is elevated - but not yet into what is considered pre-diabetic (which seems silly - like pre-menopausal - aren't we ALL?).  Oh - and I am not yet entering menopause.

So - My goals are to increase my proteins and healthy carbs (no - butterfingers are not considered healthy carbs!) I can't promise I will hit five each day (nine is RIGHT out!) but I will try.  I will also try to drink more water.  I have been really really bad lately - and I swear I am feeling it in my kidneys (or my gal bladder grew back and is impacted again...).  And I am going to clean up my living room enough to be able to do the 10 minute exercise DVDs that Katie and I used to do.  That was the only time I actually saw progress. 

I am going to avoid weighing myself.  I think I will do this just once a month - I need to focus more on how I feel, what I am eating and how active I am.  Losing or not losing weight is just too frustrating for me. 

I mentioned this to Sarah recently - the 30 pounds I gained over the last year has been the first time I felt the impact of it physically.  Maybe it is because it happened really suddenly - but more likely it was because I stopped exercising at the same time.  I now feel like I have to train just to be able to go up and down my stairs and to the mail box!!!  I know I would regain energy pretty quickly - but the mental barrier that is in front of me right now is the worst I have ever experienced.  

So - final goal - I am going to try to approach my body image and weight with a positive attitude.  I am going to look at these goals NOT as a way to lose the extra 125 pounds I have on board, but more as a way to make myself as healthy as possible so I can push you old ladies around in your wheel chairs when we are all 90+ years old!

King Arthur Flour is cruel

The King Arthur emails that come through always have amazing, gooey desserts (or fluffy, unhealthy bread).  I think, Oooh!  I should bake!  But then I remember I can't eat more than a crumb of anything I'd bake.  It's depressing.  And this weekend I have the girls' night out and then a long drive (fast food!  Fortunately not tempting to me anymore -- I genuinely dislike pretty much everything fast food now) and then a birthday party and then a long return drive the next day.  I'm doomed no matter where I am.

Meanwhile I put a crock pot stew on so I will be able to eat tonight -- chicken and sweet potatoes and gold potatoes and carrots and tomatoes, and various and sundry seasonings including cinnamon and nutmeg but also paprika and pepper, so this should be interesting.  But short on vegetables.  And I have  (boring whole wheat) bread baking in the machine because I've forgotten every night for four days to put it in overnight, and the grocery store has been sold out of preservative-free whole wheat both times I've been in there.  So I gave up and set it baking even though it's long past lunchtime, figuring day-old bread tomorrow is much better than no bread at all.  And meanwhile both the bread and the stew smell amazing.  Both starchy, though.  I need more vegetables in my diet.

Yesterday I had a headache almost all day, though I ate a snack and walked to Kroger (that mile and a quarter of walking ended up being my only exercise) and during that phase I felt better.  I also forced myself to get closer to 1200 calories for the day; I thought I'd hit it, except then when I was recording the pancakes (whole wheat!) that we had for dinner I realized I'd forgotten the oil in the pancakes, which is a major portion of the calories in them.  I could have had a fourth pancake (they're not very big).  Today I'm trying to be less stupid, so I'm going to make myself have a mid-afternoon snack before I'm seriously munchy.

The sweet potatoes are still hard as wood after four hours.  I'm having to take it on faith that they will finish cooking in the next five hours.

I already got exercise today -- my only likely window of time -- by doing 30 minutes on the Wii.  I'm seriously failing on calorie burns here, but I have to hope I'll be gaining muscle.

New, brilliant diet plan

The evening has always been the toughest time for me when I'm trying to cut calories.  I come home from work and want to eat everything I see--the time between 6:00 and whenever we eat dinner is the most dangerous time of day.

Yesterday I got a filling at 4:15.  It was a deep filling, and the novacaine didn't take at first--it took three shots of the stuff.  By the time I got home it was 6:20 and I had 25 minutes to make dinner, eat, and get the kids out the door for Claire's 7:00 meeting.  I already had pork in the crock pot and it smelled amazing.  Getting dinner ready wasn't too much of a rush, but when I took a bite I realized quickly that this was a very bad idea--I couldn't feel my tongue so chewing and swallowing might cause me bodily harm.  So I left my dinner, took the kids out, got home a little after 9:00, by which time I really wasn't that hungry.

So I think to avoid the danger of snacking in the early evening I just need to always schedule painful dental work during that time period!  Or maybe just learn to shoot myself with novacaine so I can't chew.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

My brain hurts

And it's not from a lack of creative titles.  My head is literally a bit achy, I think because I can't seem to space my calories out correctly so I end up needing 500 calories at bedtime and I don't get them all in.  I despise the game, but at least I always ate enough on it.  But then I had days when I didn't need the calories and was still forced to eat, and I was drinking three liters of water when two has been plenty to keep me running to the bathroom.

Thanks to the water intake and the calorie deficit, and probably only minimally to the Wii (which I did again yesterday, but I couldn't fit it in until almost 11 pm), I also dropped a pound and a half today.  That took me back to the weight that I was horrified to see last month.  It is always amazing to me how quickly a terrible weight becomes what I'm used to seeing, and then how quickly after that it becomes a weight I wish I'd see again.

Today I have to spend all afternoon at the library in Radford while Mary is in biology class, which at least means I won't be tempted to snack, but it still doesn't provide an opportunity for exercise.  When biology class started we used to go to the park, and I'd get in a five or six mile run.  But once school started the deal was that they had to finish their work before they could go to the park, and within two weeks they'd stopped finishing their work.  It doesn't help that someone in the kids section is playing with a game or toy that features children singing children's songs slightly too fast in chanty, scoopy voices, so people who come to the library needing to concentrate have no hope of doing so.  The teens have a hang-out room after school lets out that spills over into the main library as well -- when did libraries become such loud places?  If I could get a parking permit for Radford's campus easily I'd go THERE to work.  But the parking there is at least as bad as at Virginia Tech, and I don't know where their library is anyway, though I could probably figure it out.  I'm not sure that I'd have a public network connection there, not that the one at the public library is anything to write home about, since it drops out or times out every few seconds.  I'd go to Starbucks -- it would be quieter and have a better connection -- except the only Starbucks in this city is inside a campus building, and there isn't a similar coffee house nearby.  What kind of college town has a shortage of coffee shops?

(I think the worst thing about the kids' game is that it sang, "Frere Jacques, Frere Jacques, Here I am!  Here I am!" and then continued with "Where is Thumbkin?" for the rest of the verse.  Just because they are the same tune doesn't mean they are the same SONG.  Geez.)

Tonight is calm, so I should be able to put together something for dinner and maybe have time for a little exercise, but tomorrow we have piano in the afternoon and Cecilia's troop meeting in the evening (and I have no idea what the Brownies are doing, because it depends in part on how many girls show up, but also because we've just finished a bunch of badges so I'm not sure what we will start next), followed by cantor practice and then by choir practice, so I'll be out for most of the afternoon and then from 5:30 until 10, so I'll be lucky to get dinner in at all.  Friday is quiet during the day, except that Daniel gets home from his trip mid-afternoon, but then in the evening Mary has a Girl Scout outing and I have a girls' night out (unofficial bachelorette dinner -- someone in Daniel's department is getting married next weekend and his fiance has become a friend of the department as well, and she's not having any attendants in the wedding so when we were all slightly tipsy at the party this last weekend we decided we needed to go out drinking this weekend) that I planned before I went on a diet so I have to figure out how to go out drinking without really drinking or eating much.  I guess that qualifies as my day off from dieting, but as I learned in the game, that doesn't mean I can let it slide by more than 200 or 300 calories!

Generally speaking, I have somewhere I have to be driving to every day of the week, and the timing of dinner is tricky at least three nights of the week (more if Mary's troop meets on a different night), with Thursdays being by far the worst.  When I get home on Thursday nights I just want to eat crap and have a glass of wine or a beer.  So if I can get through Thursday I can get through any day.

Wednesday (sticking with the creative titles)

Wouldn't it be nice if the weight you lose on the first couple of days of watching your diet stuck around?  I was down a pound and a half today.  If that kept up, I'd be done in a week!

No exercise yesterday.  No surprise.  Today is more of the same--no lunch break because I have to leave at 3:00- for a dentist appointment, then I have to take Claire to an international trip group meeting this evening, and while she's there Connor and I will go shopping for Girl Scout supplies.  I'm not sure when we're going to eat dinner.  Brian teaches tonight and then is going to his hacker space meeting afterwards, so he doesn't get home until around midnight, so I'm in charge of everything at home tonight.  I started a pork roast in the crock pot this morning, but I don't know if we'll have time to eat between the dentist and the trip group meeting, so it might be a really late dinner (yet another reason why Game On wouldn't work for me right now).  This is also why my eating and exercise has been so horrible lately--this kind of schedule is pretty much every day this semester.  Between Claire and me we have four Girl Scout meetings this week, Brian teaches two days, has his hacker space one or two days, we're scheduled to clean the church this week (need to find time for that), we have to pick up our race packets for the Color Run either Friday night or Saturday during the day, then the run on Sunday, plus Girl Scout cookie pickup on Sunday, plus a Girl Scout weekend event Sunday afternoon, plus Lucy's party and mom and dad's thing on Saturday, plus a doctor's appointment and a dentist appointment midday during the week, and Claire is helping break down the set after the fall play, so needs late pickup from school twice this week.  And trying to fit in 38 hours at work.  Fortunately our Saturday daytime thing (babysitting at a church retreat) got cancelled, so we'll actually be able to do all these things--otherwise we would have had to figure out a way to both clean the church and get downtown for packet pickup on Friday after work.  And this is a normal week!  Usually there's not more going on, but there's seldom less.  This is why I come home and make spaghetti with bottled sauce or frozen pizza for dinner and no vegetable, and why I don't exercise, and why I don't get to visit Lucy, and why my hair has needed cutting for six months, and why clean laundry doesn't make it much further than laundry baskets in the basement and why my car's registration will be suspended next week because we haven't gotten the emissions inspection done!  Oh yeah, I have to find some time to get to an emissions inspection station so my car's registration doesn't get suspended.

So it'll be 1200 calories again today and no exercise.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  At least I'll get some exercise on Sunday!  It'll be more like the Color Walk and Occasionally Jog, but at least we'll be moving!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Weigh-in for me

145 even.  Already today is going much worse than yesterday -- we went to bed ridiculously late (Daniel is headed out of town today, so we stayed up to watch the last episode of our show even though it was double length, because we didn't want to stop halfway through the finale) so after I got the kids up I went back to bed for 45 minutes and completely missed exercising.  And I didn't have enough calories yesterday and my body is already figuring out this whole calorie deficit thing and does NOT like it, so I am hungry and munch-y today.  I had a latte mid-morning (to see Daniel off with, of course!) in addition to my regular breakfast, which adds an extra hundred calories right away.

AND there is a shortage of healthy food in the house -- we are out of pretty much every kind of fruit and vegetables (except raisins, some old kale I bought for Girl Scouts and a handful of baby carrots) and out of bread because I keep forgetting to throw it in the bread machine and because I haven't been to the grocery store for a normal shopping trip in a week.  So I can still manage my usual breakfast, but lunch is kind of a scrounge -- so far I've had half a can of vegetable barley soup (yummy) and some sandwich meat without the sandwich (isn't there a word for those?  They serve them all rolled up at lunch buffets.  And breakfast buffets, on the continent, only I don't think they even bother to roll them and they invariably have some weird seasoning in them that makes them taste diseased).  I'll probably round it out with a handful of almonds and give up.

I should be able to squeeze in some Wii time this afternoon, only I fear that the kids will hover around instead of getting schoolwork done.  It would certainly be more useful to me than spending time posting.  Or killing virtual zombies.

Weigh-in day

153 even today.  Ugh.  That's ten pounds up from the spring and 15+ up from where I'd like to be.  But at least now I know what my starting point is.

I realized another difficulty when I weighed myself this morning.  I used to get up 20 minutes or so before Claire so I could make coffee, take a shower, etc.  Now that she has to get up at 5:30ish, there's no way I'm getting up earlier than she does so instead of immediately heading to the bathroom where I can weigh myself, now in the mornings I immediately head to the kitchen where I have about two minutes to make a pot of coffee before Claire's alarm goes off.  I have priorities.

I can guarantee no exercise today.  I have to leave work around 12:45 to pick up Connor from school and take him to an appointment with a psychologist at Hopkins.  That should take most of the afternoon, then I have to pick up Claire from school at 5:00, then I have a leader's meeting at 7:00, and between the Claire pick up and the meeting I have to make dinner.  Yesterday even with two brief walks that I took while at work I only hit 6000 steps on my pedometer.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Oink-Woof

Sarah beat me to it on the posting!  We had a long text-chat this afternoon where we berated ourselves for our current lack of fitness and agreed that Something Must Be Done, so here we are.

My weight at Easter was down in the range of my all-time (adult) low of 129.  This morning I weighed in at 145.8, so I am up seventeen pounds in seven months.  All fat (and an erosion of muscle).  Despite plenty of good weather at at least slightly more free time than I have during the school year, I made only marginal efforts at exercise all through the summer, and once the school year kicked in "marginal" turned into "none at all."  I hit the 144-range last week, which was bad enough that I finally started getting up a half hour earlier and pulling out the Wii Fit (I can't face the cold weather for outdoor exercise at that hour, and we don't have a gym membership or any indoor equipment options at home right now).  I am embarrassed to admit that I am so out of shape and weak that the Wii was enough to leave me slightly sore every day.

Unfortunately, my weight only continued its upward dance to the tune of another pound and a half in the week, which means I require (a) more substantial exercise and (b) fewer calories.  The Halloween candy has been a huge part of this week's weight gain; hosting two parties in that span of time (and having the accompanying leftovers around) certainly contributed as well.  Last night I divided up the remaining trick-or-treaters' candy among the three kids so I wouldn't be tempted by that anymore, and this afternoon the kids polished off the last of the brownies from the second party.  Chips and cheese are pretty much gone, too.  There are several other desserts around still, though, and loads of alcohol.  I'm not usually too tempted by the beer and wine unless I'm drinking socially (Daniel counts as being social, but he's going to support me on this), but the desserts wear me down!

I have found in the past that I can lose weight at a reasonable pace if I cut calories substantially, tracking every bite I eat, but that if I don't exercise it's a slower pace and the weight comes back immediately when I stop dieting.  I need the muscle tone to keep it off.  (And to make my clothes fit better.)  And if I'm not counting calories I don't lose weight at all, even if I'm exercising regularly and substantially.  If I neither diet nor exercise, well, obviously, I gain at a rate of up to a pound a week, on average.

Today I was motivated enough that I logged onto SparkPeople and tracked everything I ate.  I have come in VERY short on calories, though, since I'm paranoid about overeating right now, so I'm going to have a (healthy) snack tonight.  I did a more aggressive and longer Wii workout -- I stopped letting it pick exercises for me, because it's much too wimpy and doesn't keep my heart rate up for long enough, giving me exercises that are only two minutes long before switching to another that's not cardio-based.  And I went out and raked leaves with Daniel for a while, enough to bump my heart rate up and more than enough to make my arms and back sore tomorrow.

No idea how I'll get a real workout in tomorrow, though.  Either I'll have to go out in the cold or start running stairs (dodging cats) instead of jogging in place with the Wii.  Or leave the kids during the school day when it's warmer, which means no one will accomplish anything at home.

I am a disgusting greedy pig-dog

Emily and I have decided to go back to this blog to get us back on track with eating and exercising.  We are both seeing and feeling the effects of a bad diet and lack of exercise.  In my case, I was at the peak of my physical fitness level a couple of years ago when Emily and I did the metric century ride--that was the third year for me of heavy training (two years of triathlon training, then the ride) and I was in GREAT shape.  After that, I managed a year and a half of moderate but regular exercise and reasonable diet.  I'd occasionally fall off the wagon and gain weight or stop exercising for a few weeks, but I always got back to it.

All that ended this year at Easter.  My weight was pretty good at that point (not as low as the 137 I was at Katie's wedding; that weight is my ideal, but I was fine with the low 140's where I hover when I'm not totally vigilant), and I ran the Color Run with no problem.  And then I stopped.  Stopped exercising, stopped eating well.  And now I'm in worse physical shape than I've been at any point in the past 8 years and my weight is up at least ten pounds, and maybe more. I haven't weighed myself in ages because I'm too scared to face the number.

Over the summer I had my usual conflicts with exercise--I normally exercise on my lunch breaks but since Brian went back to work two years ago I don't get lunch breaks in the summer. Instead I spend two hours running Connor from Catonsville to Hunt Valley and then going back to work, and then I have to work late every day.  That's no excuse really--I could have gone for runs at night when it was still light out.  But I put it off and didn't do anything and told myself I'd get back in shape this fall. And then August hit and Connor's spleen went kablooie and since then we've been in endless doctor's appointments and clinic visits, and between that and Claire's stage crew schedule and freshman team schedule (both of which involve me having to pick her up from school, so I have to leave work early to do that) and my Girl Scout schedule and Brian's teaching schedule, I'm lucky if I take one lunch break each week (and normally I'll use THAT lunch break for running errands and shopping for supplies for scouts).

I'm also dealing with my usual diet meltdown--I'm fine during the day, but as soon as I get home I eat everything in sight.  Halloween was ugly (well, not Halloween itself, but the week afterwards when we had leftover candy).  I have no willpower when faced with sweets. I have probably six different ways to track my calorie intake now and I'm using none of them.

So here's my goal: I need to get my weight back to the 145 range to start.  That's a minimum (well, it should be a maximum).  I don't know how far away that goal is because I don't know what my starting point is. Tomorrow is Tuesday, and since that's our traditional weigh-in and start day, that's what I'll do.  I may have to do this primarily through diet, so my first step is to dig up my fitness calculator password and start counting calories again (note: Just did that.  It says "sarahfran90 has not logged in for a month.  She might need some encouragement."  You think?).  My second goal is to get back to the point where I can run three miles without collapsing.  It's horrifying how quickly I get out of shape these days.  I miss my 20's!  I'm not sure how I'm going to do this.  Well, I know HOW to do it but I don't know when this will happen since it requires at least four days a week of exercise and optimistically I can only see managing two days.  Seriously, I need suggestions here.  I already get up at 5:30 to start getting Claire off to school.  My lunch breaks are essentially non-existent.  We have evening activities every week  Monday - Thursday and often Friday, Saturday, and Sunday are eaten up by scout activities.  Also, it's cold and dark at night and I don't have a treadmill.  I'll bring my bike back inside and set it up on the trainer.  I can use that on Monday and Wednesday evenings when Brian is teaching, so it's at least some exercise, if not as heavy as running or real cycling.  But if I'm really, really good and dedicated (hah!  Like that has ever been the case recently) I can get two days on the bike, one or two days on the treadmill at lunch, and maybe one day of exercise on the weekend.